Evening Rain
by jlho
Summary: Edward & Bella are soul mates who have been separated for over a century. Will this lifetime finally reunite them? ON HIATUS
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: As you all should know, S. Meyer owns all these awesome characters, I'm just putting them in a different context-trying not to step on anyone else's toes. If I have, it was not my intent. Thanks for reading! **

**Prologue:**

_Blood. _

_Endless crimson splatters coated the tiny dim room. Varying patterns of copious blood had etched their way into the walls, the bed, it ingrained upon everything it touched. The smell of it sickeningly familiar._

_The rivers meeting and pooling into innumerable deltas, ebbing and slowly congealing as they left her primitive wounds. Her once bright eyes, that would never be known to me again, sealed away her secrets._

_The oil lamps had all but run out. Just the faintest glow amplified her now sullen and lifeless cheeks. I paid no attention to the other corpse that lay just across the room, for his death was his blessing. _

_Glancing at her again, the rage had resurfaced taking all of my sanity with it._

_My head was blazing, the heat of the anger mixed with the alcohol that swam in my now boiled blood was almost too much to keep me standing upright._

_Unrelenting tears, seared my injured face as they fell. My breaths were coming rapidly, and then they wouldn't come, the depraved scene __unraveled quickly, swallowed by the darkness._

"Mr. Cullen?" This was the fourth time the same stewardess had interrupted my train of thought.

"Yes?" I asked trying to sound polite as I could, even though I was in anything but an accommodating mood.

Her mind quickly flashed the seatbelt sign. "We will be landing shortly Sir, and the captain has..."

"Of course." I said, glancing briefly at the orange instructional light, attempting tokeep up appearances. I fastened my belt, "My apologies."

"No problem. Thank you."

It wasn't that I didn't enjoy reading minds, it was a gift after all, but it would surely cut out a lot of mindless banter and causal pleasantries I am forced to perform on a daily basis, if I could be forthcoming about it. Think of all the shallow, lip service compliments and meaningless conversations that could be done away with. I believe my side of the conversation would go something like: "_I already know that you despise me, my work, and are thinking about the 'amazing' woman that you nailed last weekend instead of editing my book, so lets just part ways now. Shall we?" _ Instead, I have to suffer through, smiling and spewing out niceties to people I would sooner feed to ravenous wolves than speak to. Although, my little talent has led to much of the success I currently have. I'd give it up, without a fraction of a thought, in a breath, for a single minute with...

"Sir?"

"What?" I replied exasperated.

"It's time to disembark the plane." spoke the small and somewhat frightened voice of the incessantly interrupting flight attendant. She was right. I was so immersed in my own thoughts, that I didn't notice the steadily diminishing ones around me. There were just a few now circling the cabin. I ignored them as most were threaded with the annoyance of having to wait for me. I smiled inwardly and took as long as I possibly could extracting my laptop from the overhead bin.

I meandered my way through the large airport, the thoughts pummeled me as I arrived at baggage claim. Except for people's thoughts that I actually managed to tune into rather than away from, hearing them as for as long as I had, it was nothing butwhite noise anymore. Just as I bent over to grab my exceptionally large suitcase from making yet another round on the overcrowded carousel, the most familiar thoughts I have ever known registered.

"_How did you fit everything you need into one small suitcase? Please tell me there is more being flown in?"_

I smiled slightly_. "_Hi Alice." I said without turning around.

"_You know, it's rude to address a person you're not looking at big brother. You'd think all the years you've spent hobnobbing would have taught you some manners!" _she chided me silently.

I turned quickly dropping the luggage and stooped over to embrace her. She was still as fiery as I remember her. Her cropped hair and petite features were a settling sight, and I have felt anything but lately. "Welcome home" she whispered.

I was confused by her words. I was coming here from New York to relax and unwind my overworked brain from my last promotional tour and had no intention of taking up permeant residence. In fact, I had been quite content at the thought of residing at the Four Seasons Maui for my extended vacation. However, Alice had begged me to stay with her family in Seattle instead, citing that my nephew Nate would be 'crushed' if I didn't. Alice was indecently good at laying on a guilt trip, which I had literally and figuratively packed my bags for.

It wasn't as if my reoccurring torture was going to suddenly cease because I was more tan than a bronzed god, lazily sipping Mai Thais, and gazing out at the Pacific. The visions would play on no matter where I was. They were an all consuming punishment from which I was not permitted to escape.

Even in death.

**A/N: Okay people, go easy on me. This is my first dive into a fan fic and I am in desperate need of a beta. Anyone want to volunteer let me know. Reviews would be helpful :)**

**Oh, and I am not sure how to label this other than all human, ooc, non cannon. Thanks.**


	2. Chapter 2

EPOV

Alice attempted to keep the conversation light as we drove from the airport in her minivan. I had never pictured her in such a domestic vehicle. It seemed unnatural and eerie, as her personality was better suited to that of a foreign sports car. I supposed the fact that she had a family to transport, it would be a necessity. I sighed at the thought.

"Are they getting any better?" she asked timidly.

"No." I answered flatly. "You already knew that though."

"Being clairvoyant isn't as carefree as one might think." she replied shrugging. A small smile contorted her lips and then melted away. We were a special pair to say the least, the only ones in our extended and immediate families to have these abilities, and save for her husband, we were the only ones who knew.

"I'm sorry Edward." she said empathetically. "Repeatedly recalling all your past lives, in no particular order, especially the ones where _she_ is..."

My eyes and tightened jaw must have given away my anguish and she immediately desisted saying anything else. It was cruel enough I had to relive it, I didn't want to have to discuss it. It was more difficult than she, or anyone could possibly comprehend. The visions happened out of the blue, very much like Alice, I would completely fade out. Whatever I was seeing would immediately take center stage, and I would be forced to watch, no matter how horrifying the images were. For hours, and many times days, they would consume me entirely, to the point of not functioning. Sleeping, eating and breathing became exceedingly difficult after seeing memories that involved _her_. I have taken my own life periodically over the course of the last several existences. Believing in vain that if I killed the body the memories would evaporate with it. It only added to the grotesque scenes for the next time. Your soul doesn't forget. My soul didn't deserve such a luxury.

"Your thirty-two now" she said innocently as we started weaving down a small residential road.

"Yes, and your twenty eight" I huffed, knowing what she was getting at. "Your point?" Like I didn't know. I was hoping that she would drop it, but I knew my sister better than that. She was as insistent as she was determined.

"You are going to... look for _her_?" she said, it was almost more of a statement rather than a question. I didn't answer. I exhaled. I swore to myself that under no circumstances that I would even think about her during this life. I wanted to try to start fresh. If I was going to have to remember all the heartache that came with losing her, I didn't want to create more memories for me to have to wallow through next life. Our bodies haven't been lovers for over hundred years, yet every lifetime since, I have tried foolishly to suss her out. Most of the time, it is inadvertent. It is a sensational pull that leads me to her, only my quest ends in pain as her soul no longer recognizes mine. Another part of my eternal damnation.

She is always slightly different, as we all are from life to life. A slightly different nose, more freckles, the hair on her head, darker, lighter, shorter or longer. The same soul housed by differing genetically created bodies. I never spoke to her, only watched each of her incarnations from afar as I cursed myself for even allowing my unworthy eyes to rest upon her. I would later consume every bottle of liquor I could get my hands on sending myself so far into their murky depths that I would succumb to alcohol poisoning, killing myself on more than one occasion.

In every other life, I had always found her when I was thirty-two and she is nearing her twenty seventh birthday. Always at the end of August, never on the same day. It was currently August 28th. I only had a few more days to contend with, and I would completely avoid the temptation for this lifetime. I relaxed into the seat and shook my head soberly.

"No. I'm not remotely interested and haven't felt the pull. Maybe it isn't there anymore, it has been...a long time. I suppose it's no longer present."

I knew logically that possibly having lost the connection to her was a godsend. If I didn't feel it, I wouldn't have to acknowledge it and follow it, putting myself through the motions of agony for yet another lifetime. My soul on the other hand, acted as though I had just spoken blasphemy and my heart lurched in my chest, threatening to stop beating entirely.

**A/N: Yes for anyone who is wondering this is a slow build, and BPOV will be making an appearance shortly. **


	3. Chapter 3

Alice drove into the garage of her multi-hued, three floored, white trimmed town house. I grabbed my bag from the back of the van, not really making eye contact. Hoping to get into the house before she broached the subject again.

"_If you don't want to look, I won't push you, but don't try to ignore the pull if you feel it. You and I both know, it just doesn't degrade over time."_

I nodded hesitantly, and kept moving. Her and Jaspers souls have been reunited every lifetime. Both of them repeatedly feeling the force that drew them another aspect of their lives I can have the discomfort of being envious of.

The garage door led us into the large kitchen that Alice had recently remodeled to include a double oven and large granite toped kitchen island. The cherrywood cabinets and dark granite complimented one another nicely. Although, I didn't understand the need for it, as neither her or Jasper were remotely culinary competent the last time I checked. I had no room to judge though, I couldn't recall the last time I had been in my kitchen for any other reason than to get ice from the freezer.

I was about to tell Alice I was heading up to where I vaguely remembered the guest room was, when quiet but distinguishable thoughts started to speed in from the other room.

_"Is he here? Is he here? I'm gonna go look!"_

I smiled as my four year old, nephew, Nate, rounded the corner from the living room and stopped short when he saw me.

"Uncle E!" he cried in a tone two octaves higher than his already piercing voice.

"Hi Buddy!" I said as he barreled straight into my leg and held on fiercely.

"_I knew he missed you." _Alice's thought had the "I told you so" edge to it.

I bent down to look at him. He looked like a mini Jasper except with Alice's ebony curls. His blue eyes were wide and brimming with excitement. The innocence emanated from him, the epitome of ease, wonder, and perfection.

"You both are so lucky" I said absentmindedly under my breath. I hugged him tightly.

"We know" Alice responded reverently.

Nate pulled quickly from my overbearing hug and asked if I would go play Wii with him in the living room.

"He is only four? Right?" I asked Alice, shocked that he was already playing video games.

"They're getting them younger and younger now," Alice said shaking her head, "He can even wipe the floor with his Daddy," She giggled pointing at him.

"Yep!" Nate replied smugly.

I laughed. I told him I would be happy to have him kick my tail, but I needed to go put my things away and shower first. He frowned and started to pout.

"Please!" He whined.

"Nathan Anthony Hale! You heard what your Uncle said!" Alice warned sternly.

Nate's eyes hit the floor. She grinned and winked at me.

"While your waiting, you can help me make dessert for tonight okay?" He picked his eyes up off the floor and beamed at her. My heart flinched.

"Okay Mommy!" He sang, springing from his seat and running to her. My heart flinched harder.

I made my exit from the kitchen quickly. Hoping to stave off any more damage to my already dilapidated organ. I walked towards the stairs with my suitcase in tow, when I realized I didn't know exactly which door I was heading to.

_ "Third floor, second door on the right."_

"Thanks." I called behind me.

My jet lag had started to catch up to me by the time dinner was ready. Nate had spent at least two hours kicking my ass at every Wii game he had. You'd think something as simplistic as virtual bowling would be an easy win against a four year old. I deducted learning Cantonese with a teacher who only spoke Russian would be easier. Alice had spent most of her afternoon in the kitchen. I asked her several times if there was anything I could do to help, but she shooed me away. She said she never had time to cook since she started her design business up last year, that she was making an exception for me. I'd seen her cooking exploits before, and wasn't sure if I was being punished or rewarded.

Jasper came home right after Nate and I had offered to set the table, though Nate really didn't want to, I convinced him it might get us some more video game time after dinner.

"Daddy!" Nate called as he bounded to the door. _Flinch_

"Hey little man! How was your day?" Jasper asked lifting him up into his arms grasping him tightly.

"Great! Uncle E couldn't beat me at anything!" he said pointing at me.

"Welcome to my world," Jasper said shaking my hand. "Glad you're here man, it's nice that I won't be the only grown man in the house getting schooled by a four year old."

I laughed. "It must be nice to just be 'schooled', I've just been in a state of perpetual 'beat down' for the last few hours."

"Isn't that the truth!" Alice shouted from the kitchen.

We all laughed.

It was late, almost one am in New York. The dishes had all been cleared from the surprisingly delicious dinner Alice had spent the day concocting. She latter admitted, under the weight of two glasses of wine, that she had stolen the recipe from the Food Network. Which, I already knew, but being the competitive siblings that we were, I wanted to her her say it out loud. Even the apple crisp that Nate helped with was wonderful, and I normally hated apples.

I watched her and Jasper place a passed out Nate into his bed. In his whimsical room, with hints of childhood adorning every nook. Toys and books, peppered the the wood floor. A large hanging cobalt airplane hung from wires in the corner. The walls splashed with a starry sky. I took a quick look at Nate's peaceful features, and his doting parents before extricating myself from the room. Unrealistic images began flashing behind my eyes, threatening to devour any sense of emotional stability I thought I had acquired .

_ "Don't give up hope Edward"_

Hope was another luxury my soul didn't deserve.


	4. Chapter 4

_The room was dim _

_I couldn't keep my eyes open. They would push past the resistance than close again. Brief images of a beautiful, yet unrecognizable, tear strewn and pleading face, came in flashes. _

_Charlotte! Charlotte! Don't leave me please! I'm so sorry. Please! _

_I felt like I was on fire in some places, yet others felt amazing, unexplainable warmth made the pain subside. _

_I tried to fight for the face, the voice, to block out the blackness that I was submerging deeper and deeper into. _

_BPOV_

"Mommy!"

I was gasping as I sat up. My son's voice had wrenched me from the nightmare I was having. I looked around my familiar room trying to get some control, but the dream was so frightening that my breathing wouldn't slow. I put my head between my knees and practiced inhaling and exhaling as slow as I possibly could. Repeating my most recent mantra to myself._" It was just a dream."_

_ "_Mommy!"

This time the yell was more urgent, so I pulled myself up from my bed and walked across the hall to my sons's room. My two ebony haired boys, were hiding under their covers, trying to trick me. I giggled. I heard their stifled giggles and decided to play along. They got so much playfulness from their father, both of them were dead ringers for Jake as a child. I guess my genes just weren't that strong, maybe if we would have had a girl, but I knew that was no longer an option. I sighed.

"Hmm. I guess the boys have run away. I suppose I'll have to eat the smiley pancakes and bacon all by myself." I said feigning upset.

"Oh mommy! I'm here! I'll help you!" My five year old, Joshua said as he climbed out from the quilted covers of the bottom bunk.

"Me too" said Adrien, my seven year old, peeking just his head out.

"Oh! There you are! What tricky boys I have!" I said wrapping Josh in a hug and rubbing the top of Adrien's head with the other.

I couldn't believe how big they were. They seemed to grow on a daily basis rather than monthly. Josh was starting school next month for heaven sakes. Seemed like I just brought him home from the hospital. It really is astounding how no matter how you try to hold on to the moments with them, it all just seems to fly by.

After having our fill of breakfast, the kids flopped down on the couch to watch cartoons. I went back up to my bedroom to shower and dress. Thank goodness they could watch after each other for a few minutes while I took care of myself once in a while. I glanced my wedding photo siting on top of my dresser. Jake and I were prettyhappy on that day. Smiling and laughing, it was nice to remember when things were easy and carefree before the responsibilities kicked in. We were twenty and had a whole life ahead of us. I got pregnant with Adrien two months after our wedding, which was less than perfect timing, but we managed to make it through. Both of us working to make ends meet. Jake got promoted, shortly before Joshua had come along. He was making decent money so I decided I would stay home with the boys, which worked outwell for all of us.

Jake was at work and wasn't home most evenings until late. He was very committed to his new job. Since we moved to Seattle about six months ago, we haven't seen him much. I secretly didn't mind. As good of a father as Jake is to our boys, our relationship is strained to say the least. He is a good friend and provider though,and that's what I have been taught to value my entire life. My marriage was always less fulfilling than I hoped it would have been, but Jake made me laugh, and was a decent man.

After I dressed, I opened the bedroom blinds. The weather was gorgeous and I couldn't help but smile at the picturesque day that looked back at me. It seemed like a perfect day to take the kids to our new favorite park.

**A/N: Okay, this is all I have written, but the story has already played out in my head and once I find someone who'd like to beta for me. I'll be writing the rest of it out over the next several weeks. Please let me know if I should continue-thanks:)**


	5. Chapter 5

EPOV

My subconscience during the night had not been kind. I wasn't sure if it was the unfamiliarity of my surroundings when I awoke or my total recall of my dreams that startled me more. I could only see her lips utter the last stanza of our poem, the rest of her face hidden from me by sweeping shadows.

She felt so close.

The words were mercilessly circling and assaulting my already fragile psyche. I rubbed my heavy eyes, trying to remind myself that I should be more alert than I was for the time. It was 11am, which meant I would have been long out of bed and just finishing up lunch if I was still on the east coast. I pinched my eyes shut, and rubbed the back of my sore neck. I shook the words from my mind as much as I could manage, though they were always there. I tucked them away with the numerous other distressing items I fought to forget.

Alice had done a considerable job with this room as well. The furniture was all pine, the walls and fabrics dressed with neutral colors, ice blue accents graced most of the bedding of the queen four poster bed. It was a nautical theme, though I never know her or Jasper to be fans of the sea, or boating. Regardless, I've always appreciated a well maintained and decorated space.

I snickered at my reflection in the mirror above the dresser.

The massive amounts of porn I had stashed around my house were not helping me feel anymore masculine at this moment. It also didn't help that I hadn't been with a woman in almost six years. The situation was long past pathetic and reaching the point where I should consider becoming a monk, as I have apparently already taken an unvoiced vow of chastity. I'd had multiple offers, but I have been so immersed in my writing over the last few years, getting into any type of a relationship, even one as brief as one night, seemed like too much to take on.

None of them were _her_.

I didn't see much point other than occasional sexual gratification, which I could manage on my own. I let the water form the shower pour over me. It was almost too hot, but not enough to get me to do anything about it. I allowed myself to relax and breath in the steam that was now pooling around my overheated body. I washed, but I couldn't bring myself to get out. My mind started to wander back to our poem, all the I love you's that had been whispered in my ear, the gentle embraces, caresses...

_Stop it. She's not yours. _

Her bright eyes, the softness of her skin, the blush that crept into her cheeks, her always

memorizing body...

_STOP! It's Enough!_

My breaths accelerated, the images wouldn't stop. They kept crashing into me, wave after wave dragging me further and further gently bitten bottom lip, the birthmark on her right shoulder, the heat from her mouth as she kissed me, her broken voice calling my various names while I writhed over her, her eyes closing as she tightened around me...

_GOD DAMMIT! _

I pounded the wall of the shower with my free hand, praying the ceramic tile was more durable than it looked.I didn't know what was more mortifying, allowing myself to jerk off in my sisters house, or that I couldn't cut off the flow of memories that led to needing to. I was far past the days of uncontrollable hormones, but when I allowed myself to even think about her, it made me feel like I was right back to being the inexperienced boy with limited constraint. The internal wound that would never fully heal was now ripped opened, exposed and bleeding.

I buttoned the last button on my shirt, thinking I would take a walk and make a futile attempt toclear my head. I went to pocket my phone, when it started ringing. Only would be one person.

"Hi Alice"

"Nothing gets by you."

Sarcasm was always her favorite method of communication.

"Not really." I replied throwing her mocking tone back at her.

"Listen, if your done defiling my shower, would like to come pick me and Nate up for lunch? Jas dropped us off this morning and we are sans car. "

I exhaled noisily and ran my hand through my hair looking at the ground, my cheeks were hot.

"Jesus Alice! Can you please focus on your own life instead of the private moments of mine?"

"Sorry, brother. You know that's not how this works. The closer you are the more I see."

I sighed.

"I'll keep that in mind."

"You should." She paused " So I'll see you in twenty minutes? There's a park nearby

Nate wants to show you. She paused again, longer. "The keys to the van are... on the hook in the um...kitchen with the yellow tag." She was conflicted. If anything Alice was always sure when she spoke.

"Everything okay Alice?" I knew it wasn't.

"Um, Yes. Fine. Nate is just um..distracting me." She was lying.

"Oh. Alright. I'll be along soon." I really wanted to call her out and discover what she was hiding, but I thought it better to meet up with her and ask in person. As then, she wouldn't be able to

hide anything.

It was odd to be driving a mini van into downtown Seattle. For one, I hadn't driven anything larger than my c70 Volvo in a number of years, nor did I think for any reason it would ever be a necessity for me. I smiled at my once in a lifetime need to travel like a soccer mom. My Ipod was

thumping away Kings of Leon, Mutemath, with a few from Civil Twilight thrown in. Only three stop lights left before Alice's building. A sudden tightening began in my chest. I hit the gas, but missed the green and had to stop. I was hazy, my heart started pounding frantically. I was sweating. God.

One. More. Light.

I couldn't bare it. The invisible pull tightened it's grip on my body. My extremities were unresponsive to my brain. I damn near sideswiped two cars making a very illegal left turn. I managed to get a limited handle on my foot and slammed on the breaks putting the car in park on the corner.

It was truly frightening.

I was always in control of when and if I followed what my soul was telling me to do, where togo, but now there was none. I had to bite my hand to keep from starting up the car again. The control of my body was up for grabs and my brain was losing. I hit the steering wheel. I felt like a neanderthal today. I had about as much control and brain function as one. I couldn't go through it again. I couldn't force myself into yet another circle of hell. Wasn't all my past suffering, and self loathing enough for

God? Wasn't every other lifetime I had to live without her punishment enough? I didn't want this. My brain didn't want it, my body didn't want it. My soul couldn't survive without it.

_Ring_

I debated weather on not to answer. I gripped the steering wheel repeatedly, my knuckles growing whiter with each grasp. I didn't want to speak to her. My rationale was all but gone. I pried my sore fists away from the wheel, picking up the little vibrating lifeline. I wanted to crush it. I hit the green button.

"Why?" I spat out through my clenched teeth.

Alice breathed in deeply before she spoke.

"You know why."Her voice was far too solemn for my liking. I wanted her to defend herself, or to say she didn't know what I was talking about, but she knew. Of course she knew. It was one of the few times in any of our lives I had been truly angry with her. I couldn't respond.

"Edward! This isn't like your addiction to porn, or that obsession you have regarding all things Apple, and the man crush you have going with Steve Jobs is really annoying by the by..."

"Point!" I snapped loudly.

"This isn't any earthbound, take it or leave it, fixation. It's a innate, cosmic necessity. It's going to occur _every_ life, whether you condone it or not"

Was she kidding me with this? It was a cosmic necessity for me to have to channel the one person who could render my heart from my body, leveling me entirely with just one glance. It's not that I didn't deserve it, I would always expect her to spurn me. I would always want her to. Her unfamiliarity was her only self preservation. It was time for me to take my punishment this life, like the degenerate being I was. I hoped the execution would be swift.

"It won't be as bad as you think."

Easy for her to say.

I could've driven the rest of my to her blindfolded. With as much pain as this was going to inflict upon me, a head on with a semi sounded fantastic right about now, and much less intimidating. I rather preferred to show up comatose, or, not at all.

I parked, in a small lot outside of a children's park. I had to stop, the pull was lessening. I was close. A lump grew in my throat, that I attempted to swallow it, with little success. It took everything I had not to run full force into the park. I gained control of my legs near a bench and collapsed into it. I breathed in heavily and ran my hand through my hair. I steadied myself and began reluctantly scanning the park.

Two small children were playing nearby with a large green ball. Throwing it crazier and crazier each time it was passed. They're laughter was infectious. It made me skin on their stout frames, dark with sable crowns of thick hair gracing their heads. Most likely brothers. I sighed, a parent should be so blessed. They were thinking about bringing their mother into their game.

"Mommy!" called the younger one.

I listened for the mother's response but heard nothing. No mental acknowledgment of her child's call. It only struck me as being strange for less than a second, because then I knew why I couldn't hear her response, even if she had thought something. Her mind had been blocked off to me in every other life, why should it be any different now?

There she sat. The angel that was repeatedly permitted to return to earth. Her new vessel of incarnation was glorious. She was petite, no taller than 5' 5'', strong and slender. Her oval face peaked out from long chestnut curls that cascaded halfway down her back. Her bright, round eyes, a captivating shade of burnt umber and chocolate. My heart skipped. It wasn't enough to be pulled to her in ways I couldn't control, but she had to be insanely beautiful and a mother. More salt for my gaping wound.

I needed to get out of this park, out of Seattle, and as far away from her as possible. I had seen her. I didn't ignore the pull, and I prayed now I'd be able to forget that this day ever happened. I turned my face to the exit and went to stand up, when I received an irritating but non painful thunk on my head. A large green ball had landed at my feet. Small voices filtered in.

_"We're so dead!"_

_"I hope mom doesn't get mad"_

I stooped over and grabbed the ball, and smiled at the boys. They had both run over to their mother, whose eyes were stemming with worry-glancing back from me and the ball. I was just going to toss it over to them, but my legs started to move. I felt like a puppet, but I couldn't attempt to fight it and risk tripping over my own two feet.

I handed the ball back to the younger of the two, rubbing his head playfully.

"No harm done." I said, easing the thoughts of fear running through him.

"Boys." _The beauty speaks._ "Why don't you play with that over there," she said pointing to the grassy field "that way we don't risk hitting anyone else."

They both nodded and ran to where they were told.

She shook her head and smiled at me.

_God. This amazing creature with her insanely full lips was smiling at me. _

"I am so sorry about that. They're good boys, they just get a little wound up occasionally. I take it you're alright?" she asked. Her tone was slightly teasing, a smile still playing on her lips.

The other half of my soul was asking me if I was "alright". She had spoken to me. I hadn't heard her speak since...I shuddered.

"Sir?" she questioned, concern growing in her voice.

"Yes? Oh!... Uh, I'm fine. I think I can survive being hit with a ball." I replied jokingly. Quite sure that it wouldn't be a hit to the head that would end my life today. Leaving here without her might drive the final nail in though.

I smiled politely at her, thinking I was going to excuse myself and drive to the nearest bar, but she spoke again.

"Which one is yours?" she asked, pointing out at the numerous children.

She caught me off gaud. My stomach flipped.

"Uh, I don't have any children." I said quietly.

She couldn't have known. She had been rewarded in this life with two beautiful sons. My heart wrenched, but this wasn't about my jealousy.

"Oh..." she replied innocently. She eyed me strangely. The air around us changed, and I could tell she was uncomfortable. I made yet another attempt to leave, but the ringing of my phone had stopped me yet again. I walked a few feet away.

"Hello?"

"Nate and I are almost to the park to meet you." Alice said sounding like she was outside.

"You might as well stay where you are." I said despondently. "I'll come pick you up."

"Edward Cullen! Don't you dare leave that park!"

I shook my head.

"I can't stay Alice. It's.. too much."

"Just trust me Edward. And for god sakes, _please_ tell her you are waiting for us to show up.

There's nothing creeper than a single man with no children hanging around a kids park!"

Realization dawned on me. I must appear pretty seedy to her. Damn. I went to speak to Alice, but the line was dead.

I looked back over at her, but her nose was now buried in a book. I stepped closer, the title caused an instantaneous smile to spread across my face, _Wuthering Heights. _ What else would she be reading? If I didn't know it to be completely false, I'd think she was Emily Bronte in a past life with as often as she immersed herself in its pages. Her second great love affair had always been with literature. I took a quick breath in before I spoke. Questioning my sanity as my words came.

"So, is it just Bronte you like or British lit in general?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

Her eyes perked up from the page she had been vested in and rested on mine. Then they were probing, I felt like she was searching for something. She gave up quickly, her lips curved down.

"I have a few favorites, but I mostly read the current Bestsellers." she admitted.

I had to stifle a laugh. I wondered if she had read anything I'd written. Probably not. I was lucky enough to have the readers I did, she wasn't likely to have been a part of the fan base. My subject matter was an acquired taste.

My legs suddenly felt like lead and I needed to sit.

"My I?" I asked her signaling to the open space next to her.

_What the hell was I doing?_

She nodded. Her eyes drifted back into the pages of her book.

Being this close to her was a sublime hell. The energy radiating between us was reverberations of electricity bouncing between the two of us, and I was the only one who noticed. I ran my hand nervously through my hair, trying not to rip out any of it in the process. I was looking too hard at the uninteresting dust that had tinted my black loafers a gritty brown. Trying not to focus on anything but the ground.

"Do you read?" She asked adjusting her head to catch my eyes.

"Uh, some. My sister is the reader in our family." She nodded. "I'm meeting her and my nephew here, they're running a bit late." I said glancing at my watch, though I had no idea how long it'd been since I spoke to Alice.

Her whole body relaxed.

"Oh! How old is he?" she asked with genuine interest. I had her attention back. The energy got stronger.

"He's uh, 4 ½."

_Breath. Breath. It's not that bad. You can handle it. _

_"_That's about the same age as Josh." She said pointing to the youngest of her two.

"Josh?" I questioned. The name was probably a coincidence. It was a common after all.

"Uh huh. And Adrien is my oldest." Adrien and Josh, I couldn't be sure, but it felt as if my brain had detached from my body. The names I had been given my last two lives.

_ It's a coincidence. __Let it go_.

"Those are nice names." though I didn't manage to say it without much more feeling than I intended to.

She grinned. I mirrored her. I couldn't help it. I couldn't stop staring, she probably thought I was an escaped mental patient with the intense way I'm sure I was looking at her. I was going to treasure whatever time I had, whatever small pieces of happiness I could retain from this. Her presence, at this moment, no matter how much agony it would cause me later, was a supreme gift.

_"We're here" _

"Uncle E!" Nate's voice broke out over the air.

My gaze broke from her bright eyes just in time to have Nate pounce on me.

"Hi!" I greeted them both.

"Sorry it took us so long, you wouldn't believe how dangerous the crosswalks are! We almost got hit." Alice said with fake frustration.

_"Actually, I just wanted to give you more time, so we walked slow." _

I discretely rolled my eyes at her.

Nate started to think about introducing himself to someone. Before I could distract him the words were already out of his mouth.

"Hi! I'm Nate! What's your name?" He was so at ease. If I could only borrow his confidence for five minutes.

"Nice to meet you, Nate. I'm Bella." she smiled shaking his little hand.

The angel incarnate had been christened into this life with a name that matched her beauty. I took a sharp breath, another piece of information I would soon have to hide way, but for now I was relishing in it. Letting her name slip into every part of my soul it could reach. Just knowing what to call her was more than I had been granted with over the last hundred years. Another gift. For now.

"Hi Bella. I'm Alice, Nate's mom." Alice said sticking out her hand.

"Nice to meet you." she said gripping Alice's hand.

"Can I go play now mommy?" Nate was getting antsy.

"Sure. You stay where I can see you."

"Thanks Mom! Bye Uncle E!" he yelled running to the swings.

"Uncle E? That's so cute." Bella laughed. The musical ring of her giggle almost undid me.

"Edward can be a bit of a mouthful." _ God, I didn't just say that out loud did I? "_For a four year old." I corrected quickly, though it didn't really help.

"So can Isabella." she giggled again. "Even for adults."

_Isabella. Even more fitting. _

"Pleasure to meet you Isabella." I said in a intense, unfamiliar voice. Before I could stop myself my hand shot out waiting for her to reciprocate. My eyes wouldn't leave hers.

"You too, Edward" she said serenely.

Her left hand jutted to mine. I shook her fingers lightly, starting to ghost over the tops of her delicate fingers. I wanted to kiss her hand, every finger on it, and every inch of skin, until I reached her mouth. The humming currents were running freely throughout my hand. My heart hammered violently. I suddenly felt something sharp. I begrudgingly broke my gaze away and looked down to her hand. A small diamond had scratched my thumb. A small diamond that sat atop a gold band that encircled her finger. Her eyes grew wide and quickly pulled her hand back_. _She looked towards her boys. They had found a new playmate. Nate was now part of a triangle, kicking the green ball to one another.

"Are those your boys Bella?" Alice asked, pulling us both from our stupor.

"Yes. Looks like they found a friend."

"They're really cute."

"Thanks, I'd say they'd get it from me, but obviously we look nothing alike." She laughed.

_Doesn't matter. They're beautiful because the came from you._

_ "_I know what you mean, Nate only got my hair color. He is his daddy's boy." The girls laughed.

"I can relate." Bella sighed.

"Are they in school yet?" Alice asked her suddenly.

"Not for another week. My youngest is starting Kindergarten. I don't know what I am going to do with all that free time." She smiled. "Maybe I'll take a class on how to decorate my house."

Alice's eyes lit up like a child's on Christmas morning. Grinning.

_No. Absolutely not. _

I glared at her. Mouthing "_No Fucking Way_" as clearly as possible.

Her grin grew wider and she arched her eyebrow at me.

"Bella, I hope you don't think this is out of place, being that we just met, but I own an interior

design company and I could really use some help. If you're interested?"

Bella thought for a moment.

"I don't know anything about design Alice, which is why I need the class." she bit her lip.

_She still did that? Thank God for small miracles. _

"If you could do some filing and organizing, I would love to give you some pointers. Maybe, if you like it, and you can stand being around me. You could be my full-time assistant. I could pay you pretty well."

"Wow. That sounds great Alice...but I should probably ask Jake... my husband"

_The husband. Unworthy usurper of my other half. She shouldn't have to ask him for anything. _

_She's not his. _

_ She's not yours either, nor should she be_. _Idiot._

"I'm fairly sure he won't care though." She finished halfheartedly looking at the ground.

_She sounded upset talking about him. What had he done to make her unhappy? Did the ass not _

_realize that he had coveted a soul of pure divinity? _

_ Had you?_

_ "_When you know something, here's my card. My cell is on there too, call anytime. Okay?" Alice said passing her business card over me into Bella's hand.

"I'll do that. Thank you, Alice" She said taking the card and pocketing it.

"Wow, it's clouding up quick. So much for the sun." Bella said starting to put her things away.

_Damn clouds._

I wish I knew if she remembered. Even a small part of her. In a far recess of her being. I didn't want to let our time together be over, but I knew the more I saw and spoke to her, the more I would suffer. She was married with two sons, but I just wanted to spend whatever time I could with her. In any capacity. Having her as an acquaintance would be more than enough and far more than I'd had and more than I should ask for.

"_Just ask her!" _Alice's voice broke into my head.

"Ask her what? If she remembered that I'm her soulmate? That doesn't seem the tiniest bit _insane _to you?" I hissed into her ear.

She shook her head and huffed

_"Must you always be so literal? There's other ways to find out."_

"No!" I expelled a little louder than I should have.

Alice tapped my was staring at us. Her eyes held a mix a amusement and confusion.

"Guess that sibling rivalry never goes way." she mused, "Good to know."

"Sorry Bella. Edward and I were just 'discussing' out favorite poem. He wants to argue with me about how it ends." she said eyeing me. I shot a stern look at her. She continued "Are you familiar with Thomas Lovell Beddoes?" Bella shook her head, "Sorry" she said before pulling her

bottom lip between her teeth.

_Still seductive after all this time. What I could do to those lips. Enough Cullen! Get a grip on __yourself._

Alice continued, " He was a troubled man, very preoccupied with death, he even attempted at one point in his life, to try to prove that the spirit survives the death of the physical body."

Bella's eyes sparked with something briefly, but it was gone before I could register the emotion.

"He also wrote quite a bit, and one of his poems we always found to be wonderful, but we have differing versions of the end. Would you mind seeing if anything rings a bell for you? Help us settle this?"

"I'll try, but I don't think I am familiar with this particular person."

"Maybe you'll know the poem. Sometimes, the oddest things stick with us."

My eyes flicked to Alice. I glared at her, willing her to spontaneously combust from the heat of of it, but her smile only grew wider. What the hell did she know?

Bella nodded, though looked extremely uncomfortable.

"Edward, go ahead and start it, since you're the one who is wrong." she said in a singsong voice.

Her words had multiple implications. She was sining a song to herself. Hiding her thoughts from me. I looked back at her, horrified. She just nodded and motioned for me to go on. The lump in my throat all but blocked my ability to breath, let alone speak.

I exhaled a breath I didn't know I was holding, and ran my hands through my hair.

I began slowly,

"How many times do... I love again?

_Countless. Why was Alice torturing me like this?_

Tell me how many... beads there are

in a silver chain

Of evening rain,

_Innumerable. Why was allowing this to happen?_

Bella looked, confused her nose was scrunched, her lips tightly pursed. She sighed and shook her head. I had expected as much. My head had dipped low and into my hands. Although my heart was about to harden over with the cruelty of the moment. I opened my mouth to tell her it was no big deal, when Alice placed a hand on my shoulder.

Bella's voice flooded my ears.

"Unraveled from the tumbling main,

and threading the eye of the yellow star-

So many times do I love again."

Her face perked up as she finished it. Her beaming, pride filled smile, caused my breath to hitch. I was in shock.

"See! I told you that's how it went" Alice goaded me. I smiled up at her, and she winked at me.

"I thought...I thought you wouldn't know it" I said, my voice meek.

"I honestly, don't know how I do." she laughed. "I guess Alice is right, somethings just stick with you."

I wanted to pull her into my arms, hug her, and tell her as straight forward as I could, how she knew it.

_She's married. And you're not safe for her, just be grateful for these few moments. _

The air was suddenly still. The clouds that looked so innocent moments ago were now dark and menacing. A single rain drop landed on Bella's nose. She winced. Another one on her collarbone. One on my ear. Then they were everywhere. Falling at a rapid pace. The boys scrambled to us. I heard Alice shout "Call Me!" to Bella before walking quickly with Nate to the van. I stood there, unable to move as the rain pelted me. I was soaked in only seconds. I watched as Bella moved clumsily to the car with her sons. Carefully placing them inside the dry red sedan. She stopped as she closed the back door and saw me. She stood for a second to wave, then got inside. I watched her go around the corner. It took everything I had to walk to the van and drive away without her.

**A/N: Next chapter will be Bella's point of view of this meeting and how she is getting along working with Alice. Will "Uncle E" be seeing her? Bank on it :) My apologies for any grammatical or punctuation mistakes- still haven't found a Beta, but in a real hurry to publish this so...forgive me. **

** Review if you reading this- even if it's a flaming one. I need some feedback! Oh, and I don't have any affiliations with the bands mentioned- they just rock and I hope they don't mind me giving them a free plug! **


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Okay, so this is lengthy over 10k words. So enjoy. **

BPOV

I really didn't want to tote a large ball to the park. Most of the time, they forgot we even brought it until it was time to leave.

I was more than a little surprised when they not only remembered we had brought it along, but that it was so soon after arriving. I'm a glad that they did. Far more glad than I should be.

I chose an empty blue bench facing the play equipment, it was in partial shade from the large oak that was planted just behind it. I sat in the sun. I missed it. It was one of the many things I missed about Phoenix. I cried myself to sleep for a week after Jake told me about his transfer. He was excited, he always hated the heat, and this was a good opportunity for him to advance. Which meant it would be good for our family.

I put on a happy face for the boys, telling them it would be a fun adventure, and that as long as we were together, everything would be okay, but inside, I was heartbroken. My mother was there, my life and my friends. Jake really didn't have any attachments to the area since both of his parents had passed away. He didn't have any friends other than coworkers, so the move was inconsequential to him. I wish I could be as emotionally unattached as he was, my life would be far easier.

I wanted to fly "home" for a while to visit my mom. The kids missed grandma, but I knew a flight wouldn't be financially feasible for some time. I also feared that if I went to visit, it would be too difficult to go back to Seattle.

The boys had made their rounds, going from the swings to the monkey bars and down all the slides, Josh attempting to keep up with Adrien, but stumbling behind. They came over and grabbed the ball from our big canvas bag, going out a few feet and pitching it to one another.

I figured it might be a good time to pull out my book. It was dogeared on at least thirty pages, and had some water damage, but I still loved the copy. I'd had it since I was in high school, and I hadn't had the heart to replace it. I had read it countless times, even though it was completely different than the books I was reading now. It was a classic, and it was mine.

I was flipping through the pages, trying to remember where I had left off during this read through, when I saw a blur out of the corner of my eye. I glanced up, placing my book beside me. It was a person. A man, who looked extremely startled and confused. I've always been pretty oblivious to anything going on around me, especially acts of random people, but I couldn't help but notice his odd behavior. He had run into the park like he was racing to something, then, he collapsed into the bench about twenty feet away form me. Dressed in a button down shirt, slacks, and dress shoes. He looked slightly out of place for the park. His long fingers ran tracks through his messy bronze and copper hair. He was seemingly distraught. I had to fight the instinct to run over and comfort him.

_Why did I feel the need to console a complete stranger? _

His face perked up, and I gasped. His features seemed inexplicably familiar to me. A strong jaw, his full bottom lip in a slight pout, and the most intense sapphire eyes I had ever seen. I sighed in spite of myself.

"Gorgeous." I said no louder than a whisper.

My cheeks heated. I couldn't believe I was ogling this strange man. I had no right to. Normally, I never gave a second look to anyone, let alone men, but I was just... transfixed. Part of me was ashamed, but a larger part of me was too entranced to dwell on it. He started to look around, my head immediately went down. I racked my brain for an answer to his identity. I knew him obscurely from somewhere, but the _how_ wasn't readily available.

"Mommy!" I heard Josh call.

_Kids had the best sense of timing. _

I looked up at him and smiled. He came closer, holding the ball under his slender arm.

"You wanna play Mommy?" He asked very quietly. He looked at me hopefully.

"Maybe in a minute. Okay honey?" I smiled. I wasn't ready to give up my sun filled seat, and I had a new reason to stay.

I had to be one of the worst mothers on the planet. Refusing my son's invitation to play so I could continue to play detective and place my mystery man.

_Bad mommy._

Josh nodded and ran between the two benches with Adrien. Their throws were becoming more and more silly with each pass. I smiled at them, briefly glimpsing the man again. His head had just turned in the opposite direction, when the familiar green ball smacked him in the face.

My hand clasped over my mouth. I didn't know if it was to stop a snicker or a gasp.

It was pretty funny, albeit very embarrassing. It would have to be one of_ my_ boys that hit the handsome, well dressed man.

The ball fell to his feet. He picked it off the ground, eyeing it momentarily before smiling at the boys, who had run close to me.

My breath left me.

_That smile should come with a warning label. _

_Whoa. Juvenile much? _

He had since walked over and given the ball to Josh.

"No harm done." I heard him say.

_Gorgeous and good natured. Wonder what woman had snagged him?_

_Lucky Bitch_

I sighed.

_Married Bella. Remember?_

I told the boys to go and play further out. He might not be so forgiving if the ball made another bounce

off his amazing face.

_Sheesh. Cool it woman. _

I apologized to him for the boys. I was pretty sure he was alright, but it would be rude not to ask.

He didn't respond though. He looked completely distracted, off in his own world. I tried again.

"Sir?"

He stumbled in his response, making a joke about being able to survive being hit with a ball. He smiled

again.

Again my breath stopped. This time my heart stuttered.

_What the hell Bella? Breath. He's not that attractive._

I needed to distract myself. This was getting ridiculous.

"Which one is yours?" I asked trying to regulate my breathing. I hadn't seen a child with him, but figured it a safe topic considering our location.

He immediately tensed, his eyes darkening to near blackness before he told me he didn't have any children. I became frightened of him.

"Oh..." was all I could squeak.

Multiple scenarios went through my head. Was he some kind of child predator? Was he lost? Maybe he couldn't have children. There was so much sadness radiating from him. I again, had to resist the overwhelming urge to comfort him. Whatever his reason for being there, he didn't seem happy about it.

His phone rang then. He walked a few feet away to answer it.

I figured our conversation over and pulled my book up again. I began to finger through it, on the hunt for the page I wanted. I peeked at him. I couldn't help it. I couldn't find the damn page anyhow, and this may be the last time I saw him.

_May be? Would be. Definitely. _

His back was towards me. I couldn't hear his end of the conversation, but his body language looked as though he felt defeated. My eyes were taking in all I could. He was just too much. Even his backside was sexy as hell. And his ass was just...

_Of for the love of Pete and Mary Jane! Paging sixteen year old Bella. Can you please remember that your a mother, a wife, and no longer have the hormones of a teenager? _

I felt incredibly flustered and forced my eyes to return to the safety of my book. I couldn't pretend to read any of it. I had to calm down. I had mentally undressed my mystery man and I didn't feel nearly as bad about it as I should have.

My eyes had landed on page thirty-two when I heard him speak again.

"So, is it just Bronte you like or British lit in general?"

I looked into his eyes. They trapped mine. I searched for anything that might make his identity come forward, but it wouldn't reveal itself. I was too far in the depths of them. I had to pull back, I was forgetting how to form coherent words.

"I have a few favorites, but I mostly read the current Bestsellers." I managed to choke out.

I swear he started to laugh at me. What was so bad about reading Bestsellers? Lots of people only took time to read those. I supposed his tastes were more sophisticated than mine. Snob.

_Gorgeous snob. _

_Shut up!_

He asked if he could sit, and I just nodded. Trying not to be offended by my assumed reason for

his almost laugh, but failing.

When he sat, I tried not to stare, keeping my nose in my book. The energy changed. I suddenly felt a pressure, like little electrical pulses that surrounded my skin. I thought for a minute that my legs were falling asleep, but it spread into my arms, and torso. It wasn't an uncomfortable sensation, more invigorating than anything. I brushed it off. When I glanced over, his eyes were fixated on his now grubby shoes. He seemed upset again. I wondered if I should say anything more, but I desperately wanted to keep the conversation going.

"Do you read?" I asked him folding down my book to try to catch his eyes one more time.

They were masking something. Clouds of slate and azure were now muting the brilliant sapphire.

He responded that his sister was a reader and that's who he was meeting with, along with her son.

He was staying. I was too happy about that. I relaxed tremendously.

"Oh! How old is he?" I asked of his nephew, the little miracle that was keeping the mystery man around longer for me.

"He's uh, 4 ½."

Yes! Playmate for Josh.

_Okay, you are way too excited. _

"That's about the same age as Josh." I said with more jubilation than warranted

He repeated his name back to me. I confirmed it and told him Adrien's as well. His eyes filled with confusion, but it evaporated as quick as it had come.

"Those are nice names." he said emphatically. I smiled. I'd loved those names for as long as I could remember, but had no idea why. He smiled back at me. My heart wildly spasmed again.

_It should come with a warning label.. and a defibrillator. _

Our eyes locked. The depths of them were sweeping and readily drawing me in. I felt inexplicably pulled, like I was drowning in the glittering pools. I didn't want to be saved.

"Uncle E!"

I was back in reality again.

A little boy barreled across the yard and onto mystery man's lap. Followed closely by a short, dark haired woman.

He greeted them both. His voice light.

"Sorry it took us so long, you wouldn't believe how dangerous the crosswalks are! We almost

got hit." The woman said.

I frowned at her statement, but before I could agree, the voice of the little boy spoke up again.

"Hi! I'm Nate! What's your name?" What a personable child. So cute.

"Nice to meet you, Nate. I'm Bella." I smiled, and shook his little hand.

His sister Alice also introduced herself. I liked her immediately. She made me feel more comfortable

and less like a basket case in his presence.

Nate had asked Alice to go play. He was so excited, he could barely sit still on his uncle's lap.

Alice told him yes, giving him the standard mom warning.

"Thanks Mom! Bye Uncle E!"

"Uncle E? That's so cute!" I giggled out. Apparently, I was six, and had heard a knock- knock joke.

"Edward can be a bit of a mouthful... for a four year old." he responded.

If I wasn't completely struck by hearing his name for the first time. I would have laughed harder.

Edward. It didn't sound familiar at all.

_His sex appeal just went up twenty points though._

_Thought I told you to shut up? _

"So can Isabella." I said giggling like a child yet again "Even for adults."

_Can we turn off the giggle faucet now?Please!_

"Pleasure to meet you Isabella." he said stretching out his hand. His tone pierced me. It burrowed straight into my rapidly beating heart and pulsed along with the uneven rhythm. It was impassioned, sultry and beyond alluring. It caressed my name and infused it with his own meaning. It would never sound the same falling from anyone else's lips.

_You're not breathing_

"You too, Edward" I replied in the only voice I could find. I placed my hand in his, the electrical pulses that had made themselves known earlier were steadily growing more rapid. They jolted up my arm. I was just going to shake his hand and pull away as quickly as I could, but he didn't let go. He had grasped my fingers with his own. My brain stopped functioning. The park, the people, the sun had all disappeared. I was drifting in the calm blue ocean of his eyes. I could feel them delving back into mine. The intensity of the exchange heightened by sparks that flew from the trailing of his thumb across my fingers.

I still hadn't taken a breath. I was dizzy when his thumb stopped abruptly.

We both looked down. There were my wedding rings sitting tormentingly on my left hand. I was marked. I belonged to somebody else. I couldn't allow this to continue. I quickly pulled my hand away my heart lurched. My eyes eagerly searching for the boys. I needed to focus on anything but what had just happened. It did happen right? I hadn't just imagined it.

_Focus Bella._

The boys had added Nate to their game of ball. I didn't know if I was excited or horrified that my boys had begun to make friends with Nate.

Alice had started to make small talk. Thank god for Alice.

We commiserated about how all the boys looked like their father's, but that they were still cute regardless.

The subject drifted to school, and when they started.

I mentioned taking a class on decorating to fill up my free time. Alice looked ecstatic and proceeded to inform me that she was the proprietor of an interior design company. She asked for my help.

I thought about what she had asked, but it didn't make any sense to me. I wouldn't be any help to her. I didn't know the first thing about design. In addition to that, I didn't think it was a good idea to get any more involved than necessary. Seeing as I could barely look at her brother without becoming a blithering mess.

"I don't know anything about design Alice, which is why I need the class." I bit my lip, hoping she would drop it.

She offered me some pointers, if I could file and organize the office. She even offered the hope for a full time position, providing I could stand her. I didn't think that would be a problem, as long as Edward didn't come by too much. I may be able to handle it. The opportunity to do something for myself was beginning to sound too good to pass up.

Of course, this all hinged on what Jake said, but I didn't think he'd mind. Jake was nothing if not easy going. It _was_ extra money coming in, and he wasn't home during the day anyway. I took her card, telling her I would call her.

"Wow, it's clouding up quick. So much for the sun." I said to no one in particular. I started to pack up my book and the few toys and snacks the boys had forgotten to eat.

I pretended not to notice, but it looked as if Alice and Edward were having a fairly heated exchange over something. I wondered if he had been upset over Alice's job offer. I shook my head trying to stay unattached. A startlingly angry "No!" had come up between them. I stared at them both, shocked that he would become so riled in a matter of seconds. Alice tapped his shoulder, and his eyes immediately fixated on me. He looked ashamed.

"Guess that sibling rivalry never goes way." I said lamely trying to ease the tension "Good to know." I added. What was I thinking getting involved in their spat? I had known these people for all of five minutes. It was beyond rude. I turned back to the task at hand trying to ignore them, but Alice spoke up again.

"Sorry Bella. Edward and I were just 'discussing' out favorite poem. He wants to argue with me about how it ends."

A poem? That's what they were fighting over? I suppose I was only accustomed to siblings fighting over attention or toys. Being an only child, I had no idea what grown siblings bickered over.

"Are you familiar with Thomas Lovell Beddoes?"

Not only were they fiercely disagreeing over a poem, but it was by no one I had ever heard of. Fantastic.

I could only respond with "Sorry".

_Way to expose the limited scope of your education Bella. _

She persisted. She gave me a brief synopsis of his life. Saying he had once try to prove that the soul lived on after the death of the physical body. Many of the books I had been reading lately all revolved around that in some form or another. Interesting.

Alice then threw a curveball at me, asking me if maybe I remembered the end of this particular work.

I told her I was unfamiliar, but she pressed even more.

"Sometimes, the oddest things stick with us." she said.

I supposed that was true. I remembered all kinds of things that I had no use for. My memory was kind of all encompassing. Half of the things I knew, I was never sure how I knew them. I'd never been a stellar student nor did I have the time to study anything lately.

I decided it wouldn't hurt to try. I expected her to start, but when she asked Edward to do it. I panicked. Here was this man, I had met only minutes before, who I had an insane attraction to, that I was desperately trying to ignore, and he was going to start reciting poetry. I felt my the joints of my knees become weak.

He had run his fingers through his hair again. His features seemed to be contorted with pain, his beautiful eyes had darkened to onyx. The words tripped out of his mouth slowly. Each of them seemed to magnify his pain exponentially.

"How many times do... I love again?

Tell me how many... beads there are

in a silver chain

Of evening rain,

Despite his obvious aversion to the recital, his words caused my heart to flitter around in my chest. I innocently imagined that the lines had some hidden meaning designed only for me. I banished the thought quickly.

His words circled and circled again in my mind. There was familiarity. I had heard them somewhere before. Even though the beginning seemed to fall into place, the ending seemed obscured, some of the words were slowly coming together, but only pieces. They wouldn't meld into their proper places. I looked down at Edward, he was cradling his head in his hand.

He appeared shattered by my inability to put the seemingly meaningless words together. My heart was aching from the weight of his radiating pain. I could barely breath. I felt as if the invisible heartache that he was somehow transmitting, would cause us both to crumble. His pain was consuming me, I had to make it stop.

_Make it stop Bella_.

A voice I didn't recognize was begging me.

The words tumbled out of my mouth before I could knew where they had materialized from.

"Unraveled from the tumbling main,

and threading the eye of the yellow star-

So many times do I love again."

I had smiled at the relief I felt. This small gesture, recalling three simple lines of an unknown poem, had lifted a thousand pounds of weight off my shoulders that I hadn't realized I was carrying until just then.

I felt, free.

"I thought...I thought you wouldn't know it" Edward said, disbelief and awe laced his words.

"I honestly, don't know how I do." I replied laughing at the sheer insanity of the whole encounter and the total recall I seemed to posses. "I guess Alice is right, somethings just stick with you." I said completely serious, looking at him intently. I knew today's meeting, though I was only with him for a short while, would stick with me for my entire life.

He appeared torn, as if he wanted to say something to me. Before I could ask him what, a raindrop fell on the top of his head, his ear, then as if the flood gates of the sky had opened up, it began to pour mercilessly. The smell of rain engulfed the little park and the unceasing drops smattered everywhere. The boys were clinging to me in seconds. I wanted to tell Edward goodbye, but I could barely see, and I didn't want the boys to get soaked. I heard Alice yelling for me to call her, remembering the card in my pocket, I darted off to the car with the boys and placed them inside. It was so hard to walk away, but the boys needed me, and they would always come first.

After I shut Adrien's door. I looked to see if he had made it out of the rain. He hadn't. He was standing there, his form all but swallowed the the rivers of flowing water. He just stood starting at me. I waved to him. I felt compelled to do so much more, but I had no idea what that should be. I reluctantly pulled open my door and got in, an unfamiliar ache started to throb in my chest. As I drove away, it became increasingly worse.

_Evening Rain_

"I think you should definitely do it Bells. Sounds like a good opportunity. " Jake told me in between bites of dinner that night. I was relieved. I assumed he would be indifferent about my job offer from Alice, but he was actually encouraging it.

"I thought so. It'd be some extra money for us too." I said pouring some more milk for Adrien.

Jake frowned at me.

"Bells, were fine." he said flatly, "but I think you should do it for yourself. It'll get you out of the house for a while."

I nodded. "So then, I'm going to call her tomorrow morning?" I asked. Phrasing it almost like a warning to Jake. Giving him a chance for him to change his mind.

"Great." he said taking another helping of the lasagna I had made.

I smiled at the simplicity of the exchange. I was excited to get the opportunity to expand my horizons, but I couldn't help the little snippet of guilt that accompanied it.

_Evening Rain_

I could practically feel Alice's excitement when I called the following morning. I had examined the card and the information on it, more times than necessary.

She gushed about how great it was going to be to finally have some help, and that I was going to be a perfect fit. I hadn't spent more than five minutes with this woman, yet she seem so sure of our compatibility. I had to admit that I had a strong feeling she was right.

The week went by in a blur. Getting the boys ready for school was time consuming. Especially Josh. This would be his first time away from me. Adrien and I had helped him pick out a little Spiderman backpack and matching lunch pouch. I dropped them both in front of the school. Josh gave me a little sad wave before Adrien had walked with him inside and up to his classroom. A tear ran down my cheek as I returned to the car. My last baby was starting school. I was so thankful that I had something to distract me today.

I drove downtown. Thinking about Josh and hoping he was doing better with the separation than I was. They usually do. I was a complete mess when I took Adrien to school for the first time. I cried the whole way home, and half the day, but his teacher said he barely noticed I had been gone.

I parked on the curb, a few doors down from Alice's, or rather _Foresight Designs_. It was a metered spot, but I didn't care. I just wanted to start doing something that took my mind off everything. Including Edward. I had dreamed of him twice in the past week. I was so grateful that Jake preferred to sleep on the couch, otherwise, I couldn't imagine what he might have heard me say. Or whose name I might have inadvertently moaned out.

_Damn my uncensored mouth_.

It wasn't that Jake was bad in bed, per say, but even on our best night, it wasn't nearly as inciting as my first dream of Edward. Even though I had never smoked a day in my life, I could have had one after that dream, and no one would had faulted me for it. The second dream was even worse. Or better. I was leaning towards the latter.

I attempted to revive myself from the reminiscing of my post coital dreams, before I opened the door, but I was still dazed as I stood in the entry way looking around. The floor was a black marble. The walls of the large room were the original brick, but painted grey. Exposed columns were positioned on either side of the entrance. Two seating areas with overstuffed couches and ottomans were at opposing ends. Fabric and paint swatches seemed to clutter up the two art deco tables that completed the sitting spaces. A small door in the back of the large space opened wildly, Alice rushed out to me.

"Hi Bella!"

"Hey Alice," I replied timidly walking across the floor is measured steps. " Thank you for the opportunity." I stuck my hand out hoping to appear as professional as possible. Instead of reciprocating, she pulled me into a tight, and somewhat awkward hug.

"You're family now Bella." she responded as a matter of fact. "And I am a hugger." she laughed pulling away from me.

I smiled at her trying to reign in my uneasiness with what she had said.

She spent a few moments showing me her small, cramped office in the back. The three different filing cabinets took up a lot of her space. Most of the drawers filled with receipts, sketches, blue prints, and other miscellaneous items. It was hard to believe Alice had been running this business for over a year, yet she had no type of filing system in place. I briefly wondered how she managed to find anything at all. Her desk had similar problems. The only thing that looked to be in it's proper place, was her name plaque that displayed "Alice Hale" in gold letters against a black backing.

She walked me around the showroom. Large pictures of some of the rooms she had designed were placed prominently on the back wall of the studio. They were amazing, bold designs. A small "before" picture was placed in each corner. Some of the work she had accomplished had been quite an undertaking.

I was in awe of them. I had never really done much in terms of a career. I had worked retail for while when Adrien was a baby, but it was only a job at the time. Never a calling. Just a means to an end. Other than being a mother, I never had discovered anything that had truly impassioned me. It was inspiring to me how Alice had managed to find a balance between her work and her child.

At lunch, she insisted on taking me to the sandwich shop across the street. She said they had the best tuna melt in the city. I just nodded and followed her. We laughed hysterically when the clerk asked us what kind of bread we preferred and we both responded in stereo with "Sourdough."

We made small talk. Most of the time, I couldn't do that to save my life, but with Alice, I felt immediately at ease.

I gushed about the boys and how difficult it had been to see Josh off this morning.

"I am not looking forward to that next year. Nate is with me almost constantly. I'll miss it." She said sadly.

I smiled. "All a part of raising children. Learning how to let them go a little bit at a time."

She nodded, taking another bite of her sandwich.

My phone beeped from inside my purse. I had to riffle around in there for a few minutes before my hand grasped it.

A message from Jake. I slid my phone open to view it.

_Hi Bells, Looks like I won't be home tonight until very late-like 11. So just go ahead and eat without me. Tell the boys I love them and that I hope they had a great first day! _

After several attempts to get my lousy functioning qwerty keyboard to type, I wrote him back.

_K Jake, Will do- cu you later. _

I put the phone back in my purse and looked outside. It was completely overcast now. The boys would be disappointed that their dad wasn't coming home until long after they were asleep.

"Bella?" Alice asked hesitantly. "Something wrong?"

"Oh. Nothing. Jake just isn't going to be home till late. The boys will be kind of bummed." I responded.

She pursed her lips. It looked as if she was completely gone. Her eyes were slightly closed.

"Alice?" She didn't move. Or blink.

Ali...ce?"

She started coming around.

"Are you alright?" I asked, fear seeped into my voice.

"Oh, uh huh. Fine."

She looked far from "fine".

"You were completely out of it..." I said.

"Sorry," she said nonchalantly, "Sometimes when I'm thinking, I just completely space out."

I nodded, but her words didn't comfort me. I wondered if I looked that possessed when I was lost in thought too.

"Why don't you bring the boys over to my place tonight?" she asked hurriedly.

"Your place?"

"Yes! Bella, the boys will have so much fun together! We can get some take out for us, pizza for the boys. It'll be like a first day of school celebration for them." A wide expectant grin stretched across her face.

It took a minute to think of a tactful way to decline her overly nice invitation.

"Thank you so much for the offer Alice, but we couldn't take advantage of you like that."

She rolled her eyes.

"Bella! How is you coming over at my invitation taking advantage of me? Don't you ...like me?"

Her lips dropped into a pout.

"Oh Alice, of course I like you!" I said reassuringly. "And the boys really like Nate, but..."

"So then it's settled! We'll see you at around six!" Her green eyes bright with excitement.

I realized two things right then. Alice was better manipulator than any one I had ever met _and_ she always got her way. She proceeded to write her address on the back of one of her cards slipping it into my purse.

I left Alice a few hours later to go get the boys. They were both in good spirits. Their day went very well, Josh said he was a brave boy. He reguiled me the whole way home with stories about his new classroom, and his new best friends. It was adorable. Adrien said second grade was fun, and his teacher told lots of jokes.

"I can't wait to tell dad!" Josh sang out as we got out of the car.

My heart grew heavy.

"Joshie, honey. Dad's not going to be home until after you both go to bed tonight."

He slumped a bit as we made our way into the house.

"I'm sorry honey. He told me to tell you he loves you and he hoped you had a good first day." I said helping him take his pack off.

He nodded sadly and started to sulk off to his room.

"I have a surprise for you both though!" I said hoping Alice's invitation would be my ace in the hole.

Their heads both perked up and their dark eyes were wide.

"Remember Nate? From the park?" I asked.

They nodded

"I like him!" Josh said excitedly.

"Well, we're going to go have pizza at his place tonight. So you can play together."

They both jumped up and down, starting to yell and pump their fists into the air.

Whew. Saved by Alice.

We pulled into the driveway of an immaculate three story townhouse at a little after six. It had just begun to sprinkle.

I would have been right on time, but I couldn't figure out what to wear, not that I was dressed up, but I didn't want to look frumpy. I decided on my blue boat-necked sweater and dark washed jeans.

Blue had only recently become my favorite color.

I rang the bell.

The door opened quickly.

A tall blonde man stood in the doorway. He looked like an older version of Nate.

"Hi you must be Bella." He smiled and motioned for us to come inside. Josh held my hand and Adrien was close behind.

"And you must be Adrien and Josh." he said pointing at each of the boys respectfully.

They nodded.

"I'm Jasper, Nate's Dad."

"Very nice to meet you." I said.

He smiled warmly. "Likewise."

The boys shyly looked around.

"Do you boys like Wii? That's what Nate is doing, and I think he might need some help." Jasper said winking at them. "That is, if you're mom says it's okay?"

They both looked up at me. Their big brown eyes pleading with me. Adrien even had his fingers wrapped together like he was praying. I laughed and told them go have fun, but to be nice and share.

"Alice is in the kitchen Bella." Jasper called as he followed the boys upstairs.

I walked slowly into the kitchen, taking in all the décor. It definitely had Alice's handwriting all over it.

The kitchen alone was three times the size of my dining room and kitchen put together. Hers belonged on the front cover of _Better Homes and Gardens_. Mine would be considered "functional" at best.

Oh, well. It was neat to see how others lived.

Our kitchen worked for us, and our house was smaller, but we had all the space we needed. Maybe with Alice's pointers, our house could start feeling like a home.

She was standing with her back to me gathering a pile of plates from the cupboard.

"Bella?" She asked without seeing me "would you mind getting a few of the plastic cups down from the cupboard next to mine."

"Sure." I said sprinting across the kitchen.

I collected a few of the multi colored tumblers and sat them on the island next to the plates.

She folded her arms eyeing me. Her lips upturned in half a smile.

Great. I must have dressed down too much. Here I was at my new bosses house and I had already committed some fashion faux pa.

"Dressing up for someone tonight?" She she asked giving me a quizzical look.

I shook my head. "No, just myself. Tired of wearing my mom 'uniform'." I replied dumbfounded. She thought I looked too nice then?

"Uh huh." she said rolling her eyes.

_Why would she even remotely think I was dressing up for someone ? It was only her, Jasper and the kids tonight who else could..._

I knew the answer before I finished the thought. He was coming.

_This is a joke right? Damn. _

_Stupid, Stupid, Stupid Bella. _

How could I have been so absent minded to not at least find out if he was going to be here. He could have been living there for all I knew.

I shook my head. I had to get out of here, but I couldn't just take the kids away from their fun. I was an adult. I had to learn to deal with adult situations. This was definitely one of those times, I wished I was still a child.

I took a deep breath and helped Alice set the table. Sure enough, there were seven places set by the time we were finished. I swallowed and tried to breath normally.

Just pretend that the last week didn't happen Bella.

You haven't even met him yet. He's going to be a stranger.

_A really hot stranger. _

I rolled my eyes at my lack of mental constraint.

"I hope you like Sushi." Alice asked, pulling me back into the kitchen.

I nodded. "It's my favorite actually."

"I knew we were going to be great friends." She said wrapping her arm around my shoulders. I felt relaxed again. I could make it through this. I didn't want to ignore a potentially great friendship because I couldn't manage to get my mind out of the gutter.

_Just keep remembering that you and Jake are married. Edward is just eye candy._

I heard footsteps coming into the kitchen then. I felt like I had melted into the wall, I was pressed so hard against it. He was wearing a fitted, light gray, collared shirt and charcoal slacks. He looked so put together.

_And yummy._ _Don't forget insanely, deliciously, yummy. _

This was going to be a difficult night.

Edward had dropped the pizza box on the counter, next to two large white bags.

"I'll go get Jasper and the boys." I offered, grateful for the excuse to leave the room. Alice's voice stopped me before I'd made it three steps.

"That's alright Bella. I'll get them. Why don't you start grabbing whatever type of pizza your boys like. We ordered a half cheese and half pepperoni. I hope they like one of those?"

I nodded. They both liked plain cheese.

Alice smiled and went upstairs.

The room grew frigid. I walked over to the table, taking the boys plates with me walking as slow as I possibly could to the island, mere inches from him.

"Bella." He mumbled cooly. It didn't hold anything that it had for me a week ago. Was it even there a week ago? He seemed so foreign now. Distant.

I shivered.

"Edward." I replied, matching his tone.

We worked in silence. Him unpacking and plating the sushi, me dishing up the boys overly cheesed pizza.

I took a glance at him before I left the kitchen. Why was his inattentiveness suddenly annoying?

_This is a good thing Bella. It will make it easier to be friends with Alice. _

I smiled confidently and strode to the table. Everyone came down the steps at that moment. It sounded like thunder.

The boys quickly found their places and started eating.

The four adults started to divide the sushi. Flitters of light conversation started to pass around the table. I snatched up a few pieces of Sashimi and a California roll with my chopsticks and began eating.

"You can use those things too huh?" Jasper asked eyeing my hand.

"What? These? I asked looking at my simple wooden sticks.

He nodded. "Guess, I'm the odd man out here." Jasper said displaying his fork. Both Alice and Edward were using chopsticks also.

"It's okay honey, I'll teach you." Alice said blowing him an air kiss.

Edward didn't look up.

"I wanna learn too." Josh said, taking a bite.

"I'll show you sometime." Edward offered, looking at Josh with kind eyes.

I almost choked on my bite when he spoke. How dare he offer to teach my son something.

He didn't even ask me.

_Calm down Bella. It's no big deal. _

So it was just me that he had taken a disliking to. Fine, I could live with that. I guess part of being an adult is dealing with people who who you didn't get along with.

My irritation was starting to grow, but I kept in in check as much as I could.

"Can I have another slice please?" Nate asked.

Before Alice could move, Edward was up grabbing his plate and heading to the kitchen. I suddenly felt the urge to figure out how I had offended him.

I quickly leaned across the table to Alice.

"Why is Edward so angry with me?" I asked in a hushed, hurried voice.

Alice glanced at Jasper quickly.

"He's not mad at you Bella, not at all. He's just in one of those temperamental moods. Writers get that way sometime."

He's a writer. Why did that make him seem even more familiar? The pieces of information were stretching to touch but not quite connecting.

"Oh? He looks awfully familiar Alice." I said honestly. "What's his last name? Maybe he's written something I've read?" I continued casually.

She swallowed hard. "He has two titles on the NYT Bestseller list right now Bella."

I quickly devoured the information, but it hadn't helped.

"Our family surname is Cullen," she said in a whisper. "His pen name though, is E.A. Masen."

I could barely breath. All the information I had, made me feel as if I had just hit the bottom of the rabbit hole. I knew I had seen him somewhere before. It had been a while since I had gone to the bookstore, but I have at least six of his last ten titles cluttering up my nightstand. How did I not make the connection? I was beyond clueless. I had devoured every word. They struck me internally, the romantic fiction was like my own brand of illicit drug. I cannot count how many times I had taken hits off each one.

This wasn't happening. I wasn't here with the author I had a one sided obsession with. With the man I had an extreme attraction to.

Who was now behaving as if I didn't exist.

It had to be a dream. Any minute now I would glance at the clock on my night stand and it would read six am and I would feel extreme relief. I was still stranded in my waves of panic when he walked back into the room.

His eyes caught mine and I quickly had to look away. The room felt as if it was becoming smaller and smaller, and everyone's attention was focused on me. I needed some space.

I rose too fast and almost collapsed back into my seat, I gripped the table and stood.

All eyes were now on me. The panic rising steadily.

"I just um, need some air. I'll... be right back." I said so quietly I didn't think anyone had heard me.

I stumbled across the kitchen and made a bee line for the front door, ripping it open, but closing it as quietly as I could.

I took in a fresh breath the particles of rain assaulting my nose. I collapsed into the wet front steps. I was hyperventilating.

_What the hell was I doing here?_

I shouldn't be anywhere near these people. They were both professionals, and here I was, this mousy housewife that hadn't accomplished one damn thing. I must look like a charity case to them.

Why did it have to be him? She couldn't have anyone else for a brother. Why was I completely losing my mind over some author I barely knew?

_Because of the way his words affected you. _

_They weren't meant for me. He was just writing what he knew people would read. _

_It didn't come from a real place. _

I felt like I had been duped in the worse possible way. By my own imagination.

Like when I was little girl and discovered that Santa wasn't real. The comparison was so asinine. I smiled at my lunacy. I had my notion of him on such a high pedestal. The fact that he was no longer hidden by his pseudonym or lack of personal encounter hadn't changed his ability to touch my soul. It made it more real, and therefore, much more disconcerting that I would have to be in the same room with him again shortly.

The rain had been pummeling me steadily for the last few minutes. My hair was soaked along with my jacket.

_Great. _

I get to go back into the pristine house with the gorgeous and successful author, his entrepreneurial sister, and presumably her equally accomplished husband, looking like a drowned rat.

I just needed to gather up the boys, say thank you, and get the hell out of here.

_Ten minutes tops Bella._

"Are you trying to drown yourself out here?" his voice came out the darkness behind me.

I jumped, and clutched my chest.

"Damn it Edward! You scared the fuck out of me! I yelped. My mouth running on pure adrenaline. I could feel my cheeks warming uncomfortably. I had just managed to cuss out a man who had the literary skills of a Renaissance poet. I rolled my eyes under my lids.

_Brilliant Bella. With one sentence you have displayed the depths of your language skills to a tee. _

I heard him chuckle, his steps moving towards me.

"I'm truly sorry. I didn't mean to." He said sweetly. He took the narrow seat next to me on the steps.

Why was he being nice again to me suddenly? His emotions were more flippant than the wind.

I shivered.

He immediately started taking off his coat, and attempted to wrap it around me. I tried to shrug out of it.

"I'm okay. Thanks though." I said shivering again, looking up at him. His eyes flashed with a fiery resolve.

His face was instantly too close to mine. His lips at my ear. "You're acting as if you have a choice in this Isabella." His dominant affirmation made my breath hitch. The coat was around me before I could form another word. They way he said my name, unraveled me.

His face was still dangerously close. I had to coerce every breath. My heartbeat was so rapid I could hear it thundering in my ears. The rain was falling even harder. His blazing sapphire eyes were intent on burning right through mine. Tips of his copper hair were starting to glisten, the drops from his damp strands slowly running down his face. I resisted the impulse to catch the droplet on his chin, but I couldn't tear my eyes way.

He reached his hand down and cupped my face. Involuntarily I closed my eyes and leaned into his touch. Every facet of where his hand was making contact was a live wire.

_You need to stop this._

His thumb swept across my lips removing the single drop of rain that had fallen on them. My body erupted in fire. The flames lapping every space they could reach. I tenderly sucked the moisture off his thumb. It was a sating blend of bliss and sin.

_Now Bella._

I placed my hand over his pressing it tighter to my face. I opened my eyes and gazed at him.

"Why do you hate me?" I asked weakly Not only to him, but to God for putting me through this hell.

"I don't hate you Bella. I just thought... it would be better if I... kept my distance." He exhaled loudly.

I nodded and took my hand away from his, placing it in my lap.

His hand dropped away reluctantly. The lack of contact devastated my senses.

I looked away, out into the evening darkness.

"Why did you run outside? When you found out...who I am." he asked gravely.

My cheeks heated. I was incredibly thankful it was so dark, though I still felt the need to shield my face with my hand.

"It's complex." I said hoping not to expire from the embarrassment. I felt even more like a child. "and I don't come off very well." I clarified, praying he would let it go.

He gently pulled my shielding hand away from my face. I eyed him incredulously. His brazenness was still surprising to me.

His lips were wearing a wicked smile, his eyes filled with a joyful mischief.

_What was his deal now?_

"Let me guess. You haven't read anything I've written and were certain I'd be horribly offended that you had never heard of me."

I smiled slightly, and shook my head.

_He sounded like he was toying with me. _

"Okay. You have heard of me, but hated my books. You think I'm an arrogant twit that gets too much attention for subpar, repetitious tomes." he said leaning to the side to look me fully in the face.

I busted up laughing. "No." I said as seriously as I could. A beaming smile spread across his face, touching his eyes.

_Definitely toying with you. _

"Okay. Okay. I 've got one more hypothesis, then I'm taking you in the house." He said. The wicked smiled returned.

I nodded.

He was right next to me again. The frivolity had all but evaporated.

"Could it possibly be.." he began slowly. "that you've actually read a book of mine? And you liked it?"

I could feel at least fourteen shades of red blossoming their way across my cheeks.

"Fine, you caught me. I like your writing. Okay?" I said with mock irritation. I had to keep up my pretense of being annoyed. "Are you done playing quiz master now?"

He eyed me for a minute. He pursed his lips, placing a finger over them. It would be sexy, if I wasn't totally annoyed.

I rolled my eyes.

"What now?" I asked. Real irritation creeping in.

"Why would you run from the room?" he asked seriously.

The fading shades once again stained my cheeks.

"I really don't feel like discussing that right now." I replied turning my face away.

"I bet I can guess." He said smugly.

I was thoroughly pissed at his inability to let it go. I was trying to salvage some of my dignity, and he wasn't allowing me to do it. My anger boiled over into my brain and the words flowed out unhindered.

"This isn't twenty questions Edward!" I yelled at him. "I'm not a child. I don't play games." I finished haughtily. I rose to my feet and turned to go up the steps. He stood up swiftly behind me grabbing my shoulder and pushing my back gently to the wall of the house.

_I can't believe I just said that to him. _

"I'm not asking you to play games Bella." he replied fiercely. "I asked you a question that you refused to answer." he said leaning inches from my face.

"So? What's it to you!" I spat out. Now, I sounded like a child.

"Everything. It's everything Bella. Everything you do has me insanely curious and I can't help it." he responded seething. He ran his hand through his damp hair, slicking it sideways.

_He had no right to be curious. _

_What would make him so curious about me? _

All the energy I'd been trying to subdue from the moment he arrived on the porch, suddenly overtook my brain.

"God Edward! Do you really need your ego stroked so badly? You don't have enough people doing that on a daily basis?"

His eyes flickered then swam with anger. They were pitch black and his breaths came in huffs.

"I don't give a _fuck_ what anyone else does or doesn't say about me, Bella. The _only_ thing I care about, at this moment, is why you ran away from me!" He exclaimed loudly.

His entire body leaned over me, his face seconds away. The sheer blackness of his eyes were more terrifying than I could have imagined. I was trapped inside of his arms, pinned against the siding. I held my composure as much as I could.

"Fine. Since your so desperate to expose me, I'll tell you." I said. His stand relaxed a bit, but his arms didn't move.

"I w-w-as in shock." I stammered. My voice evened out. My words slowly gained clarity . "I kind of have an unhealthy, um, attachment, to what you've written."

I was looking down at my feet trying to think of what else to say.

"I've read through the books I have, so many times, I've lost count." I said. My cheeks were on fire. I was not having this confessional here with him. I stupidly continued.

"I'd often wondered how divine your life must be in order to write, how, and what you do. Where were you drawing the inspiration for such idyllic scenarios?" I looked up at him, biting my lip. "I know it's ludicrous, but part of me, a very naïve and delusional part of me, thought the plots sounded, almost... familiar." I smiled at him, but couldn't quite look him in the eye.

He opened his mouth to speak but I cut him off.

"So, when I realized that the man who touched my soul, in ways I could never understand, was you... I..."

I didn't get a chance to finish. His mouth was all over mine, kissing me frantically. His lips were commanding, but soft and inviting. My breath was faltering. Along with my conscience. I could feel myself slipping into him. My mouth started to move against his.

_What are you doing Bella!_

_What was he doing?_

He pushed me further into the wall.

I was running on pure adrenaline for a second time. I desperately wanted to reach my fingers into his damp, dark hair and pull his body, as close to mine as possible. I needed him to touch me. I needed him to keep kissing me like this. I needed so much more.

Reality struck me. I didn't want to need what I could never have.

I snapped. I was suddenly enraged and hurt. His passion was taunting me. Giving me a taste of what would always be out of reach.

I pulled away quickly, slapping him across the face as I did. I moved away from him.

He instantly pulled back, touching the offended cheek. He carefully moved his jaw around, like he was trying to readjust it.

_Jesus. What had I just done?_

I instantly started sobbing. My heart lurched and I stopped breathing. I felt like I was the one who had been slapped.

"Bella, I'm...I'm so sorry." he said keeping his distance.

I cried harder.

I shook my head. "No, I'm sor...ry." I sputtered out over tears.

_Why was I so upset? I was married. He had no right to kiss me like that. This was his fault. _

He took a few steps towards forward. Looking at me hesitantly. Probably wondering if I was going to sock him if he came any closer.

" I was completely out of line. I shouldn't have just kissed you like that." he said apologetically.

I shook my head. I couldn't speak yet, but the tears were slowing. As was the rain.

"I should probably, get you inside." he said standing directly in front of me. He wouldn't look at me.

"I'm sorry I hit you." I said in a small voice.

"I shouldn't have..."

"No you shouldn't have...but it doesn't mean I didn't want you to." I said quietly.

His eyes caught mine again. They were teaming with a mixture of emotions, but I couldn't decipher one of them.

"It didn't seem that way." he replied dejected.

"I was taken by surprise. I couldn't believe how much I wanted your lips on me. I feel incredibly guilty about wanting... " I started, but couldn't finish. Fresh tears were forming again in my already overworked eyes.

It was too painful to even think the words, let alone say them out loud.

Why was this so hard?

_You're happy, you have a nice husband, and two wonderful children. _

_You're blessed. Why are you even upset? You barely know him. _

He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me to him. I buried my face in his chest.

Why did this feel so _right? _Why did he have to smell so intoxicating? Why did every nerve ending in my body endeavor to betray me?

I had to get some control. As much as I wanted to savor this moment for as long as I could. I knew it was going to cause me too much pain later on.

I took another hit of him before I pulled away, inhaling deeply. I had to bite my lip to keep from moaning.

"I'm sorry, I lost my composure," I said wiping the last of the tears from my eyes, "I just felt guilty about... hurting you."

_Among numerous other things. _

"So, you were crying, not because you don't want me or are upset with me, but... because you slapped me?" he questioned.

I nodded.

"I had it coming," he said sweeping a stand of hair out of my face.

I bit my lip. His hand was touching me again. All the the little electrical pulses were firing up.

_You need to go in the house now. _

I peeked at his face, his eyes were a lifeless blue. His cheek was still slightly red. It tore at my heart.

_How could I have done that?_

I reached up, and caressed his injured face. Another tear escaped.

He wiped it away.

I wished he could wipe away all my suffering away with it.

**A/N: Don't throw things at me. I swear this will get tons better, just stick with me. **

**Even flaming reviews are helpful!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: A Big Thank you to the people who have taken their time to R&R this story! It means a lot right now ( I just suffered a personal tragedy and I'm using this as therapy, the show must go on). So to speak. Oh, and I definitely, "stole" a "Meyerism" for this, because I thought it'd be fun to use, but I could have used anything. :) **

EPOV

The clock had just struck ten, playing a musical tune, before it chimed out the hour.

Ding, Ding, Ding...

Jasper had an early meeting at his firm, so he'd left Alice and I alone about an hour ago. Leaving us with the warning to "behave". I laughed at his choice of words. I had always gotten along well with Jasper. It never came as surprise, he was literally the other half of Alice.

Nate had been talking and thinking about the park, and how much he liked the boys he had met. I was so grateful he had gone to bed early tonight. I love him like my own, but his recollections of _her_ face, and us together, was like being around a potential mine field with unpredictable memories going off at random.

I had spent the days after our encounter in the park, in a state of perpetual metal flux. One minute, I was wholly determined to go back to New York on the next flight out. The next, I was resigning to stay for my family's sake. It was giving Alice whiplash.

"Would you please make up your mind?" Alice snipped at me the third night of my mental ping ponging.

Her mind was flooded by my near constant inability to settle myself into one verdict or the other. Alice's visions were blinking back and forth from extreme to extreme, but they were fuzzy. Just the flickering of unidentifiable pictures on her mental screen. My future was interminable. It was greatly distressing her.

"Sorry." I muttered. I tried to focus on the movie we'd been watching, but my mind wouldn't allow it.

"I want to tell you I am making headway with this Alice, but I'm not."

"There's no headway to make Edward." She told me assuredly.

I looked at her, my eyebrow raised in confusion.

"_If you were going to leave, you would have already left." _She thought, giving me a pointed stare.

"The minute I drove away from the park and dropped you at home. " I replied with slight disbelief.

She had always known me better than I knew myself. Her ability to tell me what was happening in my own head before I could, made me feel somewhat violated. Though, I knew of no viable reason to be upset, as I had a similar window into the canals of her mind.

This has been the closest we have been genetically linked. She was a friend at one point, a niece, a grand mother, a cousin and multiple other family members and acquaintances. The connection had always been strong, but the brother and sister pairing was by far, the strongest.

I made a conscience mental affirmation right then, that I would stay, and that I would make every possible effort to not see _her_ again.

"Thank you." she said rising from her leather recliner. "Though, I do think you should reconsider your embargo on Bella." She said enunciating her name slowly.

"_She is going to be working with me after all." _She thought smugly.

"Yes. Thanks _so_ much for that traitorous move. "I replied, my voice dripping with distain. I took a half hearted interest in the movie again.

"Your such a pain in the ass." She responded playfully punching me in the arm. "Do you know how much I trashed my office in order to give her something to do?" She asked rhetorically.

I just rolled my eyes, and watched as she headed into the kitchen with her empty ice tea glass.

"Do you want something to drink?" Her question was weighted with knowledge. She knew I had been struggling to avoid my old pattern of drinking myself into oblivion every time I saw her.

_She has a name now. Bella._

_Yes. I'll take three jiggers of absinthe. Hold the water and sugar. _

"No." I said unsteadily. I didn't think tempting fate with even a glass of wine was smart at this point. Although, I didn't feel nearly as destroyed as I had in the past after seeing her. This meeting was unique. I thought being around family might have been aided me. It at least deterred me from wanting to drown myself into numbness. I wondered if it was because the meeting itself had gone...well.

_It went far better than_ _well_.

_She remembered her part of the poem. _

I'm sure she hadn't given it another thought since she had left that day, but I could seem to think of little else. She said she hadn't known where she'd heard it. For some reason that gave me a flicker of hope.

I needed to push it away, the weight of the emotion was already too much to bare. Far easier to deem it, and any other oddities, like her children's names, simple chance.

Even if her soul, our soul, had reconnected in some small way, it didn't mean anything. It couldn't mean anything. Her life was her own and she has promised it to someone else.

_Yes, but her soul would always belong with you._

My eyelids were drooping, I couldn't fight against my mental exhaustion anymore.

"I'm going to bed Alice." I said. I gave her a kiss on the top of the head before climbing the stairs.

_Evening Rain_

I should have rented a car when I first arrived, but I didn't think I would be leaving the house without someone. Plus, I despised rental cars. The smell of them, the lack of model choice, the sales people attempting to corral me into unnecessary insurance.

I suddenly felt the need to have a vehicle. Especially since Alice had began working with _he_.. Bella that morning. I didn't want to run the risk of even being anywhere near her, even for a few minutes. I missed my car that was now in storage and wracking up a daily debt for being there. I hoped there would be a decent selection of cars, but I wasn't optimistic.

I was presently surprised however, when I left the rental company and walked out the door to a silver S80 Volvo. It wasn't my Volvo, it was _a_ Volvo, but it handled well and was protection from having to drive the minivan again.

My mood had elevated tremendously upon driving up to the house. Alice's van was parked in the driveway. Why did that make me happier than it should?

_Because you want to hear about Bella._

_Wrong, _

Alice was hovering in the living room when I came inside. Thinking about the toy clutter that migrated it's way from upstairs.

"Hi." I said walking in behind her.

"Hi" she said shorty. Her thoughts snapping quickly back to the living room and how dusty it was.

"Everything...okay?" I asked hedging.

"Uh huh." she answered. She was now walking briskly into the kitchen, worried about the dishes.

Alice never worried about the dishes and gave barely a thought to cleaning. Ever.

She was hiding something.

I walked over to the kitchen slowly. She was staring directly out the window, thinking about the clouds.

"Alice?"

"Hmm?" her thoughts were on the bubbles that were floating around the sink full of dishes.

"I know you have gotten better at shielding your thoughts from me over the years," I paused, "but you're not fooling anyone with this." I said placing my hand on her shoulder.

She began to sing "Pokerface" as loud as she could. The words of the song the only thoughts in her head.

I smiled, shaking my head. Fine, I could wait.

I left the kitchen and went upstairs. I hated when Alice played these little games. It wasn't as if she could hold up the pretense forever, but I did worry that something was upsetting her, and she didn't want me to know.

_Not likely. _

_She's guarding something about Bella. _

I sat on the edge of the bed, debating whether or not to flip on my Macbook.

I needed a distraction, so I checked my e-mail. It took all of five seconds to figure out it was mostly spam.

_Next. _

I opened Pages and just started typing the first thing words that popped into my head.

B E L L A, B E L LA, ISABELLA...

_Fuck._

_Got any more bright ideas?_

I immediately closed my laptop, and slid it onto the desk. I started pacing, running my hands through my hair in frustration. I felt like a captive animal stalking the bars of the cage waiting for the optimum moment to escape. I needed to get out of the house. Volvo here I come.

I practically flew down the stairs, careened through the living room, and obtained the handle of the front door, in a matter of seconds.

"Hold it." Alice's stern voice echoed behind me. I felt like a teenager who had just gotten caught sneaking out.

I turned slightly to see her face.

"I need you to pick up some stuff for me." she said innocently.

I glanced at my watch, as if I had a deadline. Only 5:20

"Now?" I asked.

She nodded.

"Fine. What?" I asked. Her thoughts were on sushi and pizza.

"Odd combo. What's the occa..."

I couldn't finish. Bella was suddenly at the forefront of her mind. Her face crashing into my subconscience with full force. She was brining her boys and I was supposed to join them.

"Are you trying to kill me Alice?" I asked her as calmly as possible, though I had to clench my fists to my side in order to do it.

She shrugged.

"Lighten up. Do you think I would do something to intentionally hurt you?" she asked her lips turning down.

"Cut the act Alice. I've known you too long to believe it for one second." I said curtly.

"You've been doing so well this week. I know you're going to be fine." she said confidently.

"_Trust me please._" she thought sincerely.

If there was anyone in the world I could trust it was Alice. It was only myself I wondered about.

Evening Rain_

I took off in the Volvo with addresses Alice had given me in order to go pick up the food for this certainly doomed party. I drove the speed limit the whole way there, about twenty five miles per hour slower than normal for me. I had no intention of getting back there any sooner than necessary.

I was back just in time to park behind _her _rust red sedan.

I cringed and shrunk back in my seat.

This is going to be impossible. I sat in the car looking out at the drizzle that was gently pelting my windshield.

How was I going to manage this? I could scarcely function around her last week, but now I was forced to sit with her and make polite conversation? I thought I had done my penance for this life, but I realized it wasn't quite over yet. I had to endure another round. Only this time, I would keep the control and would shut her out as best as I could.

I heavily braced myself for round two and walked inside.

The house smelled differently. There was a mist of lotus and resin that seemed to have permeated the normally stagnant air.

She was standing plastered to the far wall of the kitchen, looking as if she wished to crawl out of her own skin. She must be uncomfortable with this too.

_Good. Easier for you to keep your guard up. _

She had offered to go get the boys for dinner, but Alice wouldn't have it. Insisting she choose food for the boys instead. I glanced at her under my lids, she looked as if the rug had been pulled out from under her, sad, deep umber eyes, rested on the floor. She trekked over to the table, grabbing two plates, and was now standing a few inches from me looking at the pizza choices.

My personal Eve was standing there blissfully unaware of how much her presence was affecting me. Her mahogany and red tinted curls pinned around her head, only two thick tendrils of silk falling around the curves of her cherubic face. She wore an indigo sweater, the neckline allowing just a hint of her collarbones to be exposed, the contrast of colors caused her skin to behave as alabaster.

_I feel a sonnet coming on. _

_You're about to lose this round without a word spoken. _

"Bella." I greeted her with only a slight wavering of my voice. It was stone.

"Edward" She clipped hurriedly, a glint of rebellion in her eyes.

She strode from the island to the dinning room. I watched her walking away, her hips swaying in the tightest jeans I've ever seen. I've never been happier to watch her walk away from me. I closed my eyes, pinching them shut.

_Oh! And Cullen is blindsided by an uppercut. _

Dinner was going as well as to be expected. The boys were all eating and giving each other funny looks to see who would laugh first.

Jasper had commented on his inability to use chopsticks and Josh had thought he would like to learn too. I almost answered his request too quickly.

"I'll show you sometime." I said as politely as I could. I looked at him comfortingly.

If looks could kill, Bella would have done me in with the furtive glare she was giving me.

_You pissed off an angel. Not good. Or smart._

"_I want another slice of pizza" _ Nate thought.

_Saved by the nephew. Come on buddy. Just say it. _

"Can I have another slice please?" Nate asked. I was out of my chair and grabbing his plate before he had time to finish what he was saying. I almost ran to the kitchen.

I shouldn't have been there tonight. I don't even know how to act normal around her. She obviously noticed my rude departure from last week and she seems genuinely upset by it. I couldn't keep up the pretense. I just had to engage her without overstepping my comfort zone. Or hers.

I got Nate another slice of pepperoni, resolving to, at the very least, make small talk with her.

I made an effort to meet her eyes as I walked back in the room, but what I saw startled me.

Her normally tranquil smooth eyes were jarring and teeming with fear. Her cheeks were flushed and she was shaking.

She rose from her chair, the panic still emanating from her, she nearly fell back into it, but she hung on.

"I just um, need some air. I'll... be right back." she said in a timid whisper.

She ran out and to the front door, shutting it with a quiet snap.

I was still focused on where she sat a moment before, trying to ignore the urge to immediately follow.

I placed the plate of pizza in front of Nate and stood by my chair.

"What happened?" I asked more to Alice than to anyone else.

_I told her who you are._ She thought absently.

"What?" I asked confused. Surely Alice wouldn't be stupid enough to tell her anything about her being my other half without at least consulting me. Especially, not in front of the boys.

"As soon as she learned your pen name she freaked out." Jasper said.

I shook my head. I still wasn't understanding something. I scanned the thoughts that were coming in, but none of them were clarifying Bella's reaction.

Alice was gone. Her eyes half closed.

Her vision invaded me. It was Bella, she was reading books. Lots of them, repeatedly. She was falling asleep with them, curled up on her bed, in a chair.

I gasped when I realized all of them were mine.

Alice came to then.

She smiled brightly.

"_You need to go do damage control."_ she thought simply. "Whatever you deem that to be." she said winking at me.

"Cute." I said grabbing my coat from the closet.

"Oh, and please tell her not to leave, the boys are having fun still!"

"Yeah!" they all seemed to shout in unison.

I carefully opened the door, keeping it slightly ajar. I just stood staring at her. Her brown hair dampened to a light sable. She was hunched over, hugging her knees. Her head sprang up suddenly and she took a determined breath, looking up to the sky.

"Are you trying to drown yourself out here?" I asked sardonically from the shadow of the entryway.

Her head whipped around, her hand clamped to her chest.

"Damn it Edward! You scared the fuck out of me!" she cried.

_That's the vivacious woman I remember. _

I laughed. Her unedited expletives made her all the more sexy.

_As if that was possible._

I apologized for scaring her, taking a seat on the stairs, which were just wide enough to accommodate the two of us.

She shivered violently, though the air still had a tinge of heat to it.

I immediately removed my coat attempting to place it over her soaked, thin jacketed shoulders.

She shrugged away, claiming she was okay.

I was more than a little put off that she would rather sit there shivering, than to accept such a simple gesture.

_That's because you were a jackass. Now her walls are up. _

_Time to fix this. _

Consequences be damned. I just couldn't stand the thought of her upset, in any way, for any reason. I owed her infinitely better.

My face hovered a whisper away from hers, lips resting just by her ear. The smell of fresh falling rain, lotus and a sweet resin invaded me. It had been the scent of her I immediately focused on earlier. I wanted my mouth on every part of her exposed neck, lingering on her pulse, allowing myself to be willingly, and repeatedly assaulted by the delicious perfume.

_The round is over and Cullen is down for the count. _

"You're acting as if you have a choice in this Isabella."I said throatily trying to get the blood in my body to return to my brain. I slipped the coat around her, she pulled it tighter to her body.

She stared at me. Her enchanting brown eyes gleamed brightly, even in the darkness. The fear had all but gone, replaced by adoration. My hair had already soaked through, the beads of water trickled down my skin. I barely noticed. I was entranced with the revere in her eyes. It made my heart spasm with need.

My hand reached up to cradle her face. There was not forethought or regret, it was instinctual, like taking a breath. I wouldn't hold on to the pretense that she didn't or couldn't effect me. She would always effect me. No matter what her situation was in this life. I was going to let her have complete power of my senses, my emotions, and my part of our soul. I didn't know how to stay sane any other way.

She leaned into my palm, closing her eyes. My hand burning with the bits of electricity that were passing between us.

I silently willed her to open her eyes. I needed to see what unspoken words that were held in their expression.

A shimmering drop of rain landed on her supple pink lip. My thumb breezed the soft surface, catching the innocent random intruder. I was going to continue my pilgrimage across her virtuous mouth, but she had other plans. The pure lips parted, just the slightest opening created between the two. They gave the tiniest, most radically sensual kiss, sucking the the remains of the little interloper off of my hand and into her mouth.

_Holy Mother of God. _

The heat of her innocent exchange passed through my body at lightening speed. Razing my innards to piles of smoldering ash. I was flattened by the lust filled beads of searing rain and every possible part of me was awake with it.

_TKO. _

I wanted her. In every conceivable way I could have her.

_You can't have any part of her. _

She pressed her hand to mine as I held her moistened cheek . My heart sped at the additional contact. Becoming sandwiched in between her angelic face and gentle hand did nothing but strengthen the feelings coursing through me.

Her eyes opened, over bounding with conflict.

"Why do you hate me?" she asked, almost pleadingly.

_Not possible._

How could she possibly think for one second that I hatred her? I couldn't hate her to save my life. Literally. I needed to show her how much I couldn't possibly hate her. How I would always be unconditionally and irrevocably in love with her, regardless of anything that happened in the past.

_She wouldn't reciprocate anyway. _

_Nor would you deserve her to. _

The realization snapped me back to my severe reality.

"I don't hate you Bella. I just thought... it would be better if I... kept my distance." I shunted out quickly taking a breath of clarity.

Her bright eyes were stoned with rejection. She pulled her hand away.

I heart my heard thumped unevenly.

My hand fell from her face. I felt physically ill. It hurts to even breath.

I needed something, anything to keep her with me and talking.

I wanted her to tell me why she ran away earlier. I could only assume why she would be reading my books, out of all the others she could have been. I hated assuming anything and I normally never had to. Frustrating didn't even begin to describe it.

She was looking out into the moonlit street. The light reflecting off her glassy eyes. Her thoughts were scattered across the darkness, her mind lost in thought.

I wanted her back.

"Why did you run outside? When you found out...who I am." I asked her seriously, trying to change the mood of the moment to something other than loss.

A hand went up, hiding her face from my line of sight.

_Why would she need to hide from me?_

"It's complex." she said, "and I don't come off very well."

It must be more serious than I thought. I needed to see her eyes to know for certain. They would always tell me everything that I couldn't read.

I gently took her fragile hand and unshielded her beatific face. Heat poured of her cheek, as if she was freshly burnt.

Astonishment and bashfulness stared back at me.

_Why would she be..?_

My mouth spread into a sly smile.

I hadn't even let my mind arrive anywhere near that possibility, but here it was clearly written in her face and in her actions.

She had a crush on E.A. Masen and she was now sitting here with him.

_Well, his real counterpart at least._

My smile grew wider still.

I wanted to hear it in her own words.

_Egotistical Bastard. _

Yes, but this was too much to pass up.

I knew she wouldn't just come right out with it. I would have to draw her out slowly, baiting her.

_Sick, Self Serving, Egotistical Bastard. _

Time to dangle the worm.

"Let me guess. You haven't read anything I've written and were certain I'd be horribly offended that you had never heard of me." I asked with mock offense.

She grinned and shook her head no.

_Hmm? Really? I'm shocked_.

_What is this? Foreplay?_

_No. I'm far better at that. _

Time to lower the line.

"Okay. You have heard of me, but hated my books. You think I'm an arrogant twit that gets too much attention for subpar, repetitious tomes." I turned to look her completely taking in her burning face. The blush began to fan up to her eyes.

"No." She said laughing at the slight against myself. Her eyes sparkled with laughter. A genuine smile came to my lips. It was wonderful to see her amused. I should say disparaging things about myself more often.

_You certainly wouldn't run out of things to comment on._

Here comes the bite.

"Okay. Okay. I 've got one more hypothesis, then I'm taking you in the house."

She nodded seriously.

I got closer. Her sent started to overpower me.

"Could it possibly be..that you've actually read a book of mine? And you liked it?" I asked with feigned wonderment.

Her cheeks and most of her face exploded with rouge.

Bite

"Fine, you caught me. I like your writing. Okay?" she responded, her voice fluctuating with confession and irritation.

"Are you done playing quiz master now?"

_Not even close Bella. _

_Just wait. _

I pressed my finger to my lips thinking and leaning back. I was enjoying this exceedingly too much.

_Let's go ahead and add sadistic to the list of adjectives. _

She rolled her eyes at me.

_You're going to pay for that beautiful Bella._

"What now?" she whined out. She sounded like a impatient child.

I became a little annoyed, but not enough to stop the game.

"Why would you run from the room?" I asked her somberly.

_Answer honestly and let's be done with this. _

Her unmasking blush started a repeat spread.

"I really don't feel like discussing that right now." she replied finally.

I was shut down.

_I was losing my game and my answer. _

_She had gotten much better at this somehow. _

"I bet I can guess." I offered, hoping she would let me tell her truths for her.

Her body stiffened and she glared at me her brown eyes sharp with contempt.

She started yelling at me.

"This isn't twenty questions Edward!" she snapped, "I'm not a child. I don't play games." she asserted erroneously.

She rose to her feet to walk away. My anger at her inability to admit one small piece of information was hindering my reasoning. I stood so quickly I hadn't realize I had moved. My hand was on her shoulder and I spun her around and softly into the house.

I told myself to breath, that I had the advantage of already knowing what she was going to say.

_You don't need to hear it come from her. _

_Yes I do. More than anything._

_Right Now. _

"I'm not asking you to play games Bella."I relayed heatedly. "I asked you a question that you refused to answer." I finished, leaning my face to hers.

"So? What's it to you!" she asked like an insolent youth.

_Forever the the frightened child. _

Her attitude was so maddening, I could barely stand it. I've never had to work this hard for an answer to anything, even with her. She had always told me the truth by now, and now more than ever, I needed to hear it.

"Everything. It's everything Bella. Everything you do has me insanely curious and I can't help it." I replied hastily. Hoping that my ability to reveal a shred of honesty to her would help her to reciprocate.

I ran my hand through my wet hair and silently cursed myself.

_This is going tremendously bad. _

_Still like the game idiot?_

The anger building between us was tangible. I felt it echoing off the emptying storm clouds.

"God Edward! Do you really need your ego stroked so badly? You don't have enough people doing that on a daily basis?" she hissed.

Jesus. She must really think you are some vain asshole who gets his rocks off by people telling him how wonderful he is. I suppose it was a semi fair assumption considering what I did, but it wasn't like I was some fucking Hollywood pretty boy. I was a writer who was only as good as his next novel. I had troubles, stress and a possessed a conscience that was completely and constantly weighted down by _her_ and she had the audacity to accuse me of being a glory hound?

" I don't give a _fuck_ what anyone else does or doesn't say about me, Bella. The _only_ thing I care about, at this moment, is why you ran away from me!" I roared at her.

The atmosphere morphed instantaneously. All the anger she had was gone with my tirade, it was now only fear I saw in her face.

_You frightened her for a second time tonight. _

_Way to go prick._

"Fine. Since your so desperate to expose me, I'll tell you." she said uneasily.

_I won. _

_At the cost of her comfort around you. _

_I hope hearing something you already know was worth it. _

"I w-w-as in shock." She sputtered out. I'd frightened her so badly she could barely speak. Disgusted was not even an adequate enough word. She continued, her words growing stronger, I listened intently.

"I kind of have an unhealthy, um, attachment, to what you've written."

_I have an unhealthy attachment to you, so we're even. _

She looked down. I lost her eyes.

"I've read through the books I have, so many times, I've lost count." she said sheepishly.

I was relishing in this confessional so much I wanted to become her personal priest.

"I'd often wondered how divine your life must be in order to write, how, and what you do. Where were you drawing the inspiration for such idyllic scenarios?"

I bit my tongue to keep from opening my mouth. Where was I coming up with the inspiration for these tales I've woven? If I had a large mirror I could hold it up and point at the two of us. Every single one was real, based in reality at various times in the past, depicting each one of our great love affairs as only her or I could recount. They were classified as fiction, but if real names were used, they would belong with other written history, but she would have no way to know that.

She continued rapidly, "I know it's ludicrous, but part of me, a very naïve and delusional part of me, thought the plots sounded, almost... familiar."

_What?_

_Excuse me?_

_Did she really just say, what I think she said?_

I thought it was my imagination, my wishful thinking, hearing what it had wanted to for so many countless years. The words buzzed through my head. She said they sounded familiar. The recounting of our lives through my words have somehow reached her. First the poem, then the innocent comment about my books on our lives. I felt as if a fog had been lifted between the two of us to a degree. I wanted to hold her, and explain to her each and every page in detail. Maybe this was the beginning of the end of our separation.

_Even if it was, is it right?_

There's so many aspects.

My mind was still rapidly processing every angle of the developing prospects. I opened my mouth to ask her more questions, when one final admission escaped her.

"So, when I realized that the man who touched my soul, in ways I could never understand, was you... I..."

She didn't need to complete her sentence. Her confession shattered everything that was before, the anger, the need for her admission. I was wrong anyway. She was unsettled by how much our stories had touched her, which was infinity, universally, more significant and lifting than her having some meaningless crush.

My mouth was on hers in a second. I didn't want her to finish. I didn't need to hear anymore. Even another word would taint this miraculous moment. Her moisture laden, heated lips fueled my fervor to unwrap her. Her lips began to reciprocate, moving in with the speed of mine. I pressed her further against the wall. The pull to be as close as possible to her took on a whole new meaning, but I didn't have time to act on it.

A sharp sting infiltrated my cheek. She sidestepped around me her hand still trembling.

_Had she just smacked me? _

I reached up and touched the source of pain, it was already dulling, but my face felt off. My jaw was effectively misplaced.

_Nice one. _

_And so rightfully deserved. _

"Bella, I'm...I'm so sorry." I said taking a step back.

I had way overstepped my bounds. Making an emotional decision based on only my own information and wants. She didn't know the significance of what she had said to me. She never would. I had just managed to ensure it.

She was crying. The tears streaming sown her face, her eyes were frightened and shocked. Her body was still shaking with emotion.

"No, I'm sor...ry." she whimpered.

She was apologizing to me?

I was the cad in this situation. I had kissed her without so much as a warning, which was not only rude, but completely inappropriate considering she was married. She must just be in shock and just saying what she thinks I want to hear from her.

I took a few steps towards her, to gauge her reaction. She stilled, but her tears didn't slow.

" I was completely out of line. I shouldn't have just kissed you like that." I explained, hoping that she would realize that she had nothing to apologize for.

_At least she was finally sticking up for herself. _

She shook her head. She looked hurt and disgusted. I didn't blame her. I'm sure my face was mirroring her emotions. She didn't know me from Adam and I put my mouth on her. Bile rose in my throat.

"I should probably, get you inside." I said, unable to look at her. I couldn't stand to see the revulsion that would surely be looking back at me.

"I'm sorry I hit you." she said more clearly.

I didn't know which was worse, the fact that she was apologizing for something she was completely justified in doing or the fact the I had actually done it. I needed for her to understand.

"I shouldn't have..." I began, but she cut me off.

"No you shouldn't of...but it doesn't mean I didn't want you to." she said biting her lip and looking away.

_Huh?_

_She wanted me to?_

She must be more unbalanced than I thought she was. I had really done a number on her in order to make her think she wanted me to kiss her. It couldn't be how she really felt? Could it?

I searched her eyes. They were drying, but still ebbing pain and... guilt. Why would she feel guilty about what I had done?

_Because what she's saying is the truth. _

_She's not supposed to want what she does. _

My heart skipped.

"It didn't seem that way." I said trying to guide her back to the correct train of thought in where she was the victim and I was appalling.

"I was ...taken by surprise. I couldn't believe how much I wanted your lips on me. I feel incredibly guilty about wanting... " she said starting to crumble again.

I stepped forward and embraced her small rain soaked body. Her face immediately nuzzled my chest.

I closed my eyes breathing heavily. Her head on my chest was almost too much to bare. I felt immediately too comfortable with her in my arms. I was home and I didn't ever want to leave.

"I'm sorry, I lost my composure." she said pulling away and wiping the remnants of guilt from her cheeks. "I just felt guilty about... hurting you." she said. She was backtracking, the reality of what she wanted had sunk in too deeply and she was trying to deflect.

"So, you were crying, not because you don't want me or are upset with me, but... because you hurt me?" I quizzed her.

She nodded reluctantly.

"I had it coming." I said sweeping a piece of her drying hair from her face. I truly had. Not only for this but for so many other reasons which she would never know.

She looked up at my cheek, her eyes were full of injury and sadness.

A gentle hand reached up and brushed my cheekbone. I could only feel her electricity, the pain had gone almost as instantly as it was inflicted. It was only skin deep. There were so many more injuries I wished would heal as quickly.

A tear left her eye. I had to catch it. She needed to know I wanted to be there to help her any way I could.

Her lips upturned slightly, though there was no joy in it.

I had caused her pain because I couldn't keep my feelings in check. Both sides of the fence were lethal for us. I couldn't separate myself from her, but I couldn't love her. The only safety was in the middle ground that I now needed to tread very lightly. A tightrope walker without a net or a clue as to how to walk the line.

"Bella, it's unfortunate how this night turned out...I said choosing my words as carefully as I could, " I know it was my fault." I said remorsefully.

She shook her head, but I put my hand up to stop her.

"I should have handled myself more diplomatically and avoided you hitting me, but I didn't. And to be honest, it was more than worth it." I smiled at her.

She blushed and looked away.

"I know that we don't know one another," I said mentally wincing at the words, "but I feel as if I need to be in your life."

She nodded, either in understanding or agreement, I couldn't be sure.

"So, I'd like to put what happened tonight behind us, and just start as fresh as possible." I said honestly.

Her brow furrowed and she scrunched her nose.

"What does that mean to you?" She asked with trepidation.

"It means whatever you want it to mean Bella. I'll be in your life in whatever role you'll have me."

I was sentencing myself to death. I could feel the blade of the executioner rising above my helpless head.

She thought for a long time, twisting her hair in her fingers and nervously biting her lip.

Her blade was slicing through the air. I waited for it all to be over.

"Edward," she began soberly.

_Please let the blow be quick and the blade be sharp. _

"I will never be able to have you in my life, not in the way I would want to." she said her eyes steadfast.

I sighed. My head should be in the bloodied bucket, but it was still on the block. She wanted me in her life, in a way she couldn't have me.

How was that possible? I've only seen her twice, but I wouldn't dare say it aloud. It wasn't my place to say how she should or shouldn't feel. I could sense the "but" coming, the hope welled in me.

"But." she continued, " I cannot just ignore that I _do_ want you in it somewhere, even if it's only as... my friend." she said despondently.

"Is that even...possible?" she asked shakily.

_Yes of course it's possible. _

_Could I do it? _

_I had to. _

If this is what she asked for, what she wanted me to be, needed me to be. I couldn't live another lifetime without her, though it was more than I would ever deserve from her, I was grateful to be allowed back in.

"I told you. Whatever you wanted." I said placing my hand gently on the top of hers.

I had been granted a reprieve. My hands were freed and the executioner had gone. The crowd had scattered in disinterest.

We were the only two who remained. Silently affirming out new friendship with the feelings passing wordlessly between us.

**A/N: So Their going to be friends, how quaint. I wonder how long they can manage that? I realize this is a bit short ended and didn't advance the story much, but I had to cut it short due to time constrains. Next chapter is already written-it's from Jake's POV. **


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: So, Yeah. I felt the only way to allow a clear picture of Jake was to tell part of the story from his POV. Just an FYI: This chapter is laden with swears and nastiness but that just who _this_ Jake is. :) **

JPOV

This fucking traffic is ridiculous. Where did these people learn how to drive? It's not that complicated, it's called merging.

I swear, I thought Phoenix traffic was awful, but it didn't hold a candle to this mess.

I sat unmoving in the endless line of cars with nothing to do but think or listen to the radio. My own thoughts seemed more appealing.

I cursed this city on a daily basis. I hated the fact that I was forced to come here, but I couldn't very well have stayed in Phoenix with what had gone on. There was no way I would let Bella get wind of what had happened. So, I immediately requested a transfer, within two weeks it was approved.

Bella was perfect. She was easily amused and easily satisfied. The perfect wife for someone with my proclivities. She was the most trusting person I had ever met, believing everything I told her without a second thought. I would feel bad about what I did, if she wasn't such an easy target. She never complained that I came home late, or that I go away a lot for business, she would just nod and smile. I worked for a security company, doing jobs around the state, so I got my fill in whatever city I was dispatched to and she was never the wiser.

I always had taken care of her, so she had no right to question me, even if she had suspicions.

I took damn good care of her and my sons, and to her credit, the one thing she did well was mother my boys. I really didn't want children, but we ended up with the boys when I was careless. Being pregnant and becoming a mother to two young children was distracting to Bella, and had kept her at home where she belonged.

I loved the boys, but I didn't want any more after Josh, so I insisted Bella get a tubal after his birth. I couldn't handle anymore crying infants, even if Bella was the one getting up in the middle of the night, I still had to hear them.

I was getting worried about Josh starting school, it would mean Bella would have free time on her hands. I didn't want her to have time to take more of an interest in me or my activities.

So, I was jumping when she told me about her job offer. It would be a huge distraction and would free up the house if I needed it.

The traffic started to move, inching a few feet before it stopped again.

I glanced at the clock in the center console, 8:45. I still had six miles to go before 9:00.

I slammed my fist on the door of my new Four Runner. This shit was aggravating me.

I would have been on the road a lot sooner if I hadn't received the strangest phone call this morning.

An unknown number showed up on my cell while Bella showered.

I took it into the kitchen and answered quietly.

" Hello?"

"Hi! Is this Jacob?" the voice was too cheery for the time of day. I scanned my memory for the tone of her voice, but it didn't register, not that I was surprised. She sounded hot anyway.

"Yes." I verified reluctantly. "Who is this?' I asked as charmingly as I could.

"My name is Alice Hale. Bella's been working for me for the last couple of weeks."

Hmm...interesting. Wonder why she would be calling me?

"So how can I help you Alice?" I asked huskily.

"Well, as you know, Bella's birthday is this Friday..." she started.

Actually no I forgot. Not that I remembered it that often any how. Why was she telling me? Did she think I needed a reminder? Not her fucking business.

"Sure, Sure." I said completely uninterested in anything else she had to say. She continued.

"Well, I'd like to surprise her with a birthday party with her friends. At the See Sound Lounge."

I shook my head. Bella suddenly had friends. I thought I put a stop to that interference when I moved her here. She always got too wrapped up in them for my liking. There was no way I was letting her go out on her birthday anyway. Not on a Friday.

"Um, I don't think Bella can make it. She really hates surprises and fancy places." Both of which were true.

"Well, it's already done. So I need you to get her there. At 8:00pm. _Okay_? Wear something nice and find a sitter for the boys." she said, her voice exceedingly demanding.

Damn. If I wasn't offended, I would be licking the fucking phone.

"Alright." I said humoring her. "We'll be there." It couldn't hurt to go check out Alice, and what ever hot piece of ass might be lingering.

"Great! Don't forget, it's a surprise."

"Sure." I said before hanging up. It definitely would be for Bella.

I never took her anywhere. She never seemed to want to be out of the house, but she had recently acting differently. She was doing her hair and actually wearing makeup. And if she wasn't humming to herself, she had her nose in a book. Not that she didn't do that shit all the time, but it seemed to be constantly happening now. She would smile at me more, just completely bubbly. If I didn't know her better, I'd say she was having an affair.

I laughed at the thought.

_Things Bella wouldn't know how to do for $500 Alex. _

Traffic began to move again.

Evening Rain_

When I told her that night that I was taking her out and had gotten that bitch Rosalie from next door to watch the boys, her eyes lit up. Of course, I hadn't said it quite like that.

"Taking you out babe, the kids are next door, reservations are for 8pm" I said.

"You should wear that purple dress you have." I always told her I liked it, but I only liked it on her because it covered her up. I didn't want any one of those fuckers in there looking at what was exclusively mine.

"Jake, I hate that dress, it's itchy and doesn't fit right." she called out from the closet.

"Common babe, for me?" I asked as convincingly as I could.

"How about this?" She asked standing in the doorway.

She had on a dark blue dress that hugged every curve she had. Cleavage that normally never made an appearance was gently peaking out from the center of her v-neck. She had on short black heels and her legs were longer than I had ever seen them. Where did that outfit come from?

_Fucking hot. _

I knew there was a reason I chose to marry her. Bella could be so fuck worthy when she wanted to be. It made me feel as though I had a dirty little secret at home rather than from her.

"What do you think?" She asked twirling in place.

I raised my eyebrows. I knew I couldn't let her leave the house like that.

I went over to her, pulled her close and hitched her leg to my hip, and started skimming her inner thigh.

"Where did you get this?" I asked squeezing her ass.

She giggled slightly.

"Alice got it for me for my birthday." she admitted.

I knew I liked Alice.

"Remind me to thank her." I said kissing her cleavage starting to slide down the dress.

"Jake." she said half laughing, "we need to go, we're supposed to be there in an hour." she said pulling her dress back up.

"It can wait." I said fighting for control of her dress. She didn't need to go anywhere to have fun, she had me.

"Come on Jake." she said batting my hand away. "We never go anywhere."

What was her point?

"Bella, we can have a good time here." I said roughly wrenching up the hem of her dress.

"Jake." She said sternly. I didn't listen.

"Knock it off!" she yelled at me.

If she could only keep her mouth shut, it would have been fine, but she just had to be difficult. Which I normally I liked, but on Bella it was unattractive.

"Fine, we'll go." I said angrily.

She blew it. That whole outfit was a total waste and I wouldn't touch her tonight if she paid me. At least I would have a chance to scope the bar and see women who were twice as hot as Bella and forget about this.

We drove in silence, taking my car because there was no way I was going to show up in a swanky bar in downtown Seattle with her junker. I had fixed it more times than I'd wanted to, but I certainly wasn't going to pay for a new car for her. She didn't really go anywhere that mattered.

It took me fifteen minutes to find a fucking lot with an open space. I hated the parking downtown.

"Where are we going?" She asked as I parked.

"Some club." I said.

"Oh! That sounds fun." she said grinning stupidly.

I didn't want her to get exited thinking this was going to become a regular occurrence, so I sort of let the cat out of the bag.

"Wasn't my idea." I said quickly.

She ran up behind me and kept pace as I walked down the street.

"Who's was it then?" she asked confused. What was with her newfound curiosity?

"Um, you'll see in a minute" I said finally.

We made it inside. My name is "Jacob Black, I'm here to meet a private party." I told the redheaded hostess. She was less than a B cup and not worth my time.

Her eyes scanned the list, she looked up at me blankly.

"I'm sorry what did you say the name was again?'

"Black." I said, starting to get annoyed.

If she was going to stand there and be an eyesore, the least she could do was learn to listen.

"I'm sorry, I don't see it."

I huffed. This was such a waste of my time. I could be out at _my_ club right now hitting on some exceedingly fuckable women, and here I was playing the name game with an ignorant bitch.

"What about Swan? Bella Swan?" Bella asked timidly.

I fucking despised that she had kept her maiden name, but it was the one thing she wouldn't compromise on. It was her only condition for marrying me. At the time, I didn't care, but now, it made her seem like she was an individual rather than something that belonged to me.

"You know I fucking hate that name." I said covertly to her.

She frowned and looked away.

"Yes, Miss Swan, you and your guest are the last to arrive. It's that area right over there." she said pointing.

"It's Mrs." I informed her angrily, grabbing Bella and pulling her in the direction the chick had pointed.

A small group of people were waiting on large, square, red couch.

They were all in their mid twenties, early thirties, two men and one woman, who I assumed was Alice.

She sprang off the couch and was in front of Bella with one swift movement.

"Hi Bella!" she exclaimed, hugging Bella like she had known her for years.

Alice was at least a seven, but this extended hug with Bella was raising her to an eight or nine. Never could get enough of girl on girl action.

She pulled away from Bella too quickly.

"Alice! Was this your idea?" Bella asked shyly.

"I had some help." She giggled.

"Well, thank you for thinking of me." she said tearing up.

_Always fucking crying about something. _

"Of course Bella!" she exclaimed. "Great dress by the way!" she said winking.

Bella blushed. "Thanks, my friend got it for me." she laughed.

"Well, you look gorgeous!" Alice replied. "Doesn't she Jacob?"

"It's Jake," I corrected her. "And yes, she does. Thanks by the way." I said remembering my earlier request of Bella.

Though she would have looked better right now if she would have let me stay home and fuck her.

Alice took Bella by the hand like she was a fucking child, and I followed.

The two other party members stood up.

Bella greeted each one of the men with a hug hello. Staying with the taller one way too long.

He was fucking smiling.

"Bella. You gonna introduce me?" I asked gruffly.

She smiled guilty and returned to Alice.

"Jake." Alice spoke up, "This my husband Jasper."

Jasper was about 5'10'', blonde hair, green eyes, average build. Dressed in dockers, a black sweater over his business casual collared shirt and tie.

Definitely a professional of some kind.

"Hey." I said shaking his outstretched hand.

"Nice to meet you." he replied.

I nodded.

"And this is my brother, Edward Cullen." Alice said pointing.

I turned to face him.

He was only slightly taller than me about 6'1' , reddish hair, blue eyes, also average build. He had on slacks, collared pinstripe shirt, and dark blue blazer.

"Jacob." he said flatly reaching out his hand.

"Edward." I replied taking it briefly.

I sat at the opposite end of him. He already had hit me wrong. I wanted to keep my eye on him.

The club was trendy, not my usual hang out so I didn't care. There were red neon lights throughout most of it. It could be a decent place to pick up some classy women, not that I had any trouble in that department.

The girls were clucking along about shopping or something, and the brother and husband were talking so quietly I couldn't hear a word, not that I cared. A nice set up was on the table; a champagne bucket, candles, some presents for Bella. I hadn't gotten her anything, but as far as I was concerned, she owed me for coming out here tonight. Such a waste of a Friday.

I needed a drink. Where the hell was the server?

_Maybe I'll just go up to the bar._

Just then a leggy, perky blonde came up to us.

"Hello. My name is Jennie, I'll be your server this evening. What can I start you off with?"

_How about your panties on the floor?_

Edward gave me a funny look.

_What the fuck are you looking at?_

Time to plow this disaster with liquor_. _

"Hey Beautiful, I'll have a scotch and soda."

Bella looked up instantly and scooted away from Alice.

_Here it comes _

"Are you sure you should be drinking?" she questioned me

"It's fine Bella, one drink is nothing for me." I said irritated.

She was the one who fucking drug me here, I was entitled to have a drink or twelve if I wanted.

_How dare she fucking mention that shit in public?_

_She was lucky I never smacked her around with the way she talked to me. _

She nodded and sat back closer to Alice.

Something that sounded like a growl came up from the table.

Edward was glaring at me now, looking pissed.

He looked like he could use a drink more than me. What the hell was his problem?

"How about you?" Jennie asked him giving him a flirty grin.

_Fuck. _

_She was hitting on that? _

_I was ripped and she wanted to get with his skinny ass?_

I rolled my eyes, her fuckability just went to near zero.

Edward smiled broadly saying "Nothing. Thank you. "

_Nothing? Fucking pussy couldn't even handle one drink?_

Edward's glare returned.

She asked the girls and they ordered some fruity girlie drinks along with a cracker and cheese plate.

Jasper ordered a Corona.

At least _he_ wasn't a total lost cause.

Our drinks came halfway through Bella opening her presents. All of which were books. Figures.

One was a design book from Alice, the other four were from "Captain Sobriety."

_Why the fuck would he get her anything?_

"You already gave me my present yesterday though Edward." she said looking guilty.

_What the hell did her give her and why hadn't she told me about it?_

"Did you like it?" He asked raising his eyebrow and leaning towards her.

_Motherfucker._

She nodded and her face started to get red.

I did not like where this was going. Fucker was hitting on her right in front of me.

"I'm hoping you'll like these too." he said heavily.

_You're one comment away from ending up in the hospital douche. _

She gushed and giggled when she she opened them. They were just books, what the hell was so funny or exciting?

"They're perfect." she said. Her cheeks were getting red again.

How would he know what she liked?

"They're autographed" He said flashing a wide smile at her.

I downed the rest of my drink in one gulp.

_Just biding my time asshole. _

She flipped to the front covers and blushed even more.

Hell! What are they? Fucking Harlequin Romance novels?

Bella was acting like she had just gotten some seriously good porn in front of everyone.

"How did you _ever_ manage to get them signed?" she laughed through the question.

Everyone else joined in too.

"I'm a close acquaintance of the author." he replied snickering.

Everyone laughed more.

"Someone going to let me in on the joke?" I asked snidely.

Bella stopped laughing first and looked at me as if she had just seen me for the first time tonight.

"Oh, right. I forgot. You don't know." she giggled again.

_You better stop fucking laughing at me._

"Know what?" I asked, my jaw clenched.

I hated being the last to know anything and this was the most irritating time for it.

"They're my books." Edward spoke up. " I wrote them." he said glaring at me.

"Uh, and you thought Bella would like them because...?" I let the question dangle.

_Try not to embarrass yourself. _

"Oh. I _know_ what Bella likes." He said cockily, his eyes narrowing at me. He raised his eyebrow a bit, like was challenging me.

A superior smile spread across his face. He started staring at Bella.

She blushed again.

_Fucker is going down right now. _

"H'orderves are here." Alice yipped out. Jennie had come up with a large plate of crackers, and other unidentifiable things.

I checked out her ass when she bent over to put the plate down.

_Sweet._

Still not worth coming here though. I didn't know who "Author Boy" thought he was kidding, but Bella was my wife and no amount of his bullshit spewing romance novels was going to change that. I needed another drink if I was going to keep sitting here.

"Sweetheart, another scotch please, and step on it." I said handing he a wad of bills to Jennie.

She nodded and walked quickly away. Definitely doable if I forgot about earlier.

Everyone was talking and munching away. Fucking yuppie food was all it was. I was more interested in scoping the room. A few seven and eights were on the dance floor. A nine.

_Fuck! Look at those tities. _

_Reminds me of that one chick in Phoenix, with the kinky sister. _

_I told Bella I was at a safety conference that weekend. _

_Yeah, I was safely tucked in between two smoking hot women for the better part of twenty-four hours. _

"Dance with me Bella." Author Boy's request cut through my memory.

She looked at me confused.

"You don't mind, do you?" she asked already rising up and taking his hand.

I shook my head. "S'pose not."

Dancing with Bella was just asking for an injury. The last time I danced with her was at our depressing wedding, and she nearly broke my toe. The only reason I even danced with her was for my father. He always loved Bella like a daughter, and he harped on me marrying her every day for years. It wasn't until doctors said the chemo hadn't worked that I caved and asked her. It made him happy, and wasn't that big of a deal to me. I thought about cutting her loose after he died, but I didn't want to have the work of raising the kids, I wanted them around, but only when it was convenient.

He smiled at her and led her into the group of dancers.

_Enjoy it now fucko, she's going home with me. _

"We're going to join them." Alice informed me, rising with Jasper. "You'll be okay here?' she asked.

I nodded.

They left and I exhaled.

Who the fuck had Bella made friends with? They were like the 90210 club of Seattle.

I couldn't let her continue to hang out with these people. She'd get completely spoiled and used to attention. It'd be better if she hung out with that fucking Rosalie next door. At least I knew she was from our side of the world.

I started looking around for Jennie, she was hot, but slow as shit.

The dance space had emptied out somewhat, less people moshing around.

I saw Bella's back was turned to me, her and Author Boy were leaning against the far wall talking. His brow was deeply furrowed, like he was concentrating on something very hard.

_Get a good look at those mounds now, cause that's as much as you'll ever see, and the last time you'll see them. _

"Scotch and Soda" Jennie announced.

_'Bout fucking time._

"Thanks," I said raising my glass.

I downed the whole thing.

This was one of the worse nights I've had in years. It's all fucking Bella's fault. I wanted to get the hell out of here.

I looked back at where her and and Author Boy had been chatting. She was hugging him again, and it was more than friendly this time.

She's lucky I was starting to get a buzz or I'd be over there punching the shit out of him. He'd probably go down with one hit.

I laughed to myself.

Alice and Jasper reappeared then and sat across from me.

"I'm so ready for cake," Alice said. "Dancing makes me hungry." she said cheerfully.

Jasper nodded.

_Shit. I had to sit through cake too?_

Evening Rain_

The cake and goodbyes went on pretty quick, but not fast enough. At least they opened the champagne.

We were back in my car going home before an hour had gone by, and Bella was looking out the window.

"So, what did you think? She asked me.

"Of what?"

"Of my friends and the place?" she clarified.

"Place was fine." I said. "Could've done without your friends though."

"Oh." was all she replied.

"They're not like us Bells." I said trying to make her see reason.

"In what sense?"

"Don't you think they're kinda stuffy? I mean they're all professionals right?"

She nodded.

"So. You're not. You may be working with Alice, but you're not exactly her partner or anything."

She was quiet. I knew I was making her see how wrong she was.

"And that guy...Cullen, something is off with him Bells. He doesn't seem like he is playing with a full deck."

"_Edward_ is a very nice person Jake." she hissed.

_Now she was defending him?_

"Bells, wake up!" I said exasperated. "He just wants to get in your pants! He's just aching for a chance to tap that." I said pointing towards her legs.

She shook her head and crossed her arms, looking out the window.

" I don't want you seeing him anymore. Or those other two. You can still go to work, but you're not seeing them socially." I said severely.

"That's not up to you." she said looking out the window again.

_She's lost her fucking mind. _

"Bella, I'm your husband and I'm telling you, that you will not see those people again!" I ordered as we pulled around the corner of our street.

_That should do it. _

She was breathing heavily

"That's right Jacob, you're my _husband_, not my keeper! You do _not_ get to decide who I _will_ and _will not_ associate with. I'm an adult, and I can choose who my friends are." she yelled angrily.

She shocked me. I have taken care of her for all these years, treated her like a fucking queen and only asked for her loyalty when it came to my decisions and she was fighting me on this? What the hell had these people done to her?

"Fine Bella, I'll just take the boys and you can have your precious time with your friends." I prodded her.

I knew that threatening to take the boys would work. I'd never do it, because it would be too much work for me, but she had to think I would.

"You wouldn't want to clutter up your busy social calendar with something as meaningless as your children. I'll take them, and you'll never have to worry about them again." I ripped into her.

Tears silently fell from her eyes.

I always get my way.

"Fine. I won't see them again." she said to the window.

I pulled into the garage and she grabbed her books and got out of the car without saying a word.

_Good. Finally, she remembers her place. _

Her bedroom door slammed. We didn't have to get the boys until morning, so I knew she wouldn't be back out.

_She had to hear it. _

_She needed to remember how things worked around here. _

I threw my keys on the counter. It was too late to go back out, all the fine woman would be taken by now. Fucking useless night.

I'd just flopped on the couch when my cell rang.

Who the hell would be calling me so late?

Maybe one of my "regulars" was bored.

It was a Phoenix area code.

I couldn't think of anyone who would call me from there so late, except maybe my sister.

Number didn't look right, but it could be something important.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Jake?'" asked the familiar voice on the other end.

I let out a silent scream and kicked the air.

"Holly?"

"Yeah." she said weakly.

"How the fuck did you get this number!"

**A/N: So what do you all think of Bella's "nice" husband? Isn't he spiffy? He's my character and even _I_ want to clock him in the mouth. Wonder what Edward will think...? His POV of Bella's birthday and their attempt at friendship is next. **

**I posted two chapters at once, because I'm going to be out of commission for a few days, so I'll be a bit behind. So bare with me. **


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: As always, thanks to anyone who is reading -and extra thanks to those that review. ****The "divine Mrs. M." owns all the twilight-y goodness. **

IF thou wilt ease thine heart

Of love, and all its smart,-

Then sleep, dear, sleep!

And not a sorrow

Hang any tear on your eyelashes;

Lie still and deep,

Sad soul, until the sea-wave washes

The rim o' the sun to-morrow,

In eastern sky.

-T.L. Beddoes

EPOV

I could barely comprehend what had occurred since I had flown into the Emerald City. I was as far from my theoretical Kansas as I would have thought possible. I wasn't exactly a dreaming farm girl with a small dog in tow, but I definitely had some scarecrow anomalies that were rearing their head. It seemed extremely prudent to find the wizard of the bizarre city, and request my brain be returned.

Bella and I had agreed that it was in the best interest of her circumstances to just be friends. I must have lost my common sense in order to agree to it. I still didn't have the first clue how to just be friends with this woman, nor was I entirely sure that I should be, but it was better than the alternative.

I had made the determination that immediately following Alice to work on Monday would be completely overbearing and strange, but I was wavering.

"I have a meeting this morning with some new clients. So I am going to need Bella's undivided attention. You can wait until lunch." She informed me while pointing her short index finger near my face.

"Yes Alice, I've already waited a over century and a half, plus or minus a day or two, a few hours should be a piece of cake."

I decided to follow her anyway.

"Don't," she barked at me, " I know this is going to take some major changes on your part, but your going to have to learn the difference between friendship and stalking."

"So, going over to her house and hiding in her bushes to look in her windows, would be a bad thing?" I asked candidly.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that," she said grabbing her purse and keys, " A word of advice though. If you're going to pull this off, your going to look at this with an entirely new perspective."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning," she said placing a banana in a brown paper bag, " that you cannot keep thinking about the past. This is a new situation, Bella is a completely new person, and the only thing you two have in common is a few awkward moments, her appreciation of your books, and that you both know me."

_If only it were those few simple things. _

I frowned at her.

"You'll figure it out," she said closing the garage door, "just be patient."

_I've been patient, not to mention, perpetually confused and guilt stricken. _

I turned my head to the window, thinking about what she said. Alice was right, like she always is. I had to start even fresher with Bella than I'd thought. I would forget the line, there wasn't one. She'd just met me and for all intense and purposes, I her. We were at the beginning of a new and potentially disastrous friendship. Maybe I should ask the wizard for some courage instead.

ER_

Before ten, I had changed my mind an incalculable amount of times, about how I wanted to commence this new relationship. Did I call her first? Should I wait for her to call me? I was glad I had taken time before she left that night to exchange numbers. I hoped the New York area code wouldn't deter her.

_Maybe I should get a local number? _

_Yes, change your number to a local one just for her, that's not bordering on obsessive. _

It felt like a giant game, and not one of my own design, so it was therefore, deplorable.

"You're not really in control," Alice told me once, "it's just the illusion of control that gives us comfort."

I ran my hands over my face, trying to shake off the morning of indecision, but it only went to remind me that I haven't shaved yet.

I plodded upstairs and into the bathroom. My cell rang out a short musical jingle, and silenced again.

_Who would text me?_

Everyone from my publisher to my agent knew that I was not to be bothered for any reason, short of death or dismemberment.

It could wait. I finished slowly, washed out the sink, and and causally went to my phone.

I nearly dropped it.

_You have one new text message from Bella. _

The micro seconds it took my phone to come to life and display the message was too long.

_Hey Edward- Alice says we are ordering from Thai House down the stre_

_Huh?_

That was only part of a message.

Was something wrong? Maybe she was cut off mid text?

Should I call her back? It would be the perfect excuse.

The phone vibrated in my hand. 'Bella' by Santana started to play over the speaker, further reminding me that I was indeed, obsessed.

"Bella?" I answered still flummoxed over her partial message.

"Uh, Hi Edward," she said nervously, "I sent you a text message a few minutes ago, but I'm pretty sure I didn't get the whole thing typed in," she explained apologetically.

"I was just about to call you and see what happened."

"Sorry about that. I'm convinced my phone has it in for me." she snickered.

I smiled. Technology never was her friend.

"I'm sure." I scoffed.

"Fine. Take the side of the inanimate object," she argued, "Maybe I won't invite you to lunch after all."

She let out a large yawn.

"It sounds like you could use a nap rather than Thai food, but if I'm not invited, I suppose I shouldn't comment on how you spend your lunch hour."

"Of course you are!" she said through another yawn. "Just, no commenting on my inability to operate seemingly simple items." she warned with little threat.

"I'll try. What time should I be there? Or should I wait until nap time is over?" I teased.

"I thought you were a writer not a comedian."

"I'm moonlighting." I retorted.

"Don't quit your day job Cullen. Lunch is at one." She sassed me.

"Okay. I'll be there."

"You better be," she said lightheartedly.

Why couldn't all of our conversations have been that effortless? The ease of our banter over the phone, was exceptionally surprising. Being with her in person, being close enough to touch her, smell her, would surely impair my linguistic skills at least three fold.

When I arrived for lunch, I felt more nervous than I thought possible, but my nerves quickly turned to concern when I saw Bella's darkened eyes. She looked like she hadn't slept.

Her tired eyes met mine.

"Hello." I greeted, trying to keep the concern out of my voice.

"Glad you could make it. Juggling two careers must keep you really busy."

"Anything for you," I responded lightly.

She blushed.

"I've got orders of Phad Thai, Tom Kha Gai, and Pia Goong." Alice announced coming through the large wooden door.

She handled the bag to Bella, "Would you mind setting this up for us sweetie? I need to talk to my adorable brother for just a second." She pinched my cheek like I was a child.

"Sure, no problem." Bella took the bags and went to work setting out plastic tableware.

I followed Alice into her impeccable office.

"I thought you said your office was a mess?"

"What can I say? Bella does great work," she responded straightening a few stray folders.

I nodded.

"So, what's with all the secrecy? It's rude to Bella."

"_Her future keeps disappearing."_

"Why didn't you say anything this morning?" I was upset that she would wait to mention it.

"I could see her future for the morning with me, so I wasn't concerned," she explained defensively, "However, the more I've focused on her, the more gaps there have been."

"So that doesn't mean anything, mine disappears all the time right?" I contended, but knew it wasn't true.

"Not entirely! It switches depending on your decisions, but just it's never just completely gone!" She was clearly unneverved, but had kept her volume in check.

"What about when I'm in New York? You yourself said the closer I was the more you could see."

I knew I was grasping at straws.

She was growing impatient with me, her hands moved as she spoke.

"I may not be able to see what you're having for dinner that night, but I can certainly see a general picture based on what path you've chosen, or decision you've made. I've been doing this for quite a while now!"

Though I already knew all too well how Alice's gift worked and that she was more than justified in her concern.

I craned my neck, rubbing it with my hand and peeked at Bella, she was just about done setting up.

"Can you see anything now?" I hoped that at least _something_ was foreseeable in her near future.

"Yes, and most of the time I can, but there are times that it is just gone. There's nothing." Her face fell.

I discerned the three of us having lunch together, and her afternoon of helping Alice out with clients from Alice's visuals, it all looked normal.

"It's disconcerting Alice, but I'm not sure what we can do about it." I replied trying to placate her.

I couldn't escape the sense of dread that was creeping up the back of my neck.

"It needs to be figured out quickly Edward. Something isn't right. The future doesn't disappear without reason."

The significance of what she'd said me slammed into me with brute force. I would swear the I had collided with the brick wall of the renovated building, leaving me a piled heap on the floor, but I was still miraculously standing upright.

I paced to the other side of the room, feeling trapped within the thick walls of terror that were rapidly forming in my chest.

Alice eyed me worriedly, "What's wrong?"

"It's nothing." I answered looking out at Bella.

"_Edward, you need to talk to me." _

"It's nothing Alice. Don't worry about it." I was still trying to steady my rapid pulse.

I couldn't let myself jump to conclusions, it wouldn't help any of us including Bella. I had to remain calm and treat Alice's information as objectively as possible. It didn't have to mean anything, but I couldn't get my sickened stomach to agree with me.

ER_

I knew that I had over reacted to Alice's news on Monday, but I refused to completely dismiss it. Being aware of the possibility was better than being clueless. Or so I kept telling myself.

Alice kept harping on me to tell her what had unhinged me, but I couldn't bring myself to think about it, so I told her I'd tell her if there became a need to do so. She mumbled something about me being "cryptic" before she left the room.

We had both agreed it would be safer for Bella, if we kept tabs on her as much as possible without seeming too clingy.

Alice had invited her and the boys over to the house a few times to keep her close. Nate loved having Josh and Adrien there to play with, he said they were his best friends. I had begun to think that the key to a friendship with Bella would be to play Wii and eat peanut butter and jelly together.

I continued to come by for lunch, as that seemed the least inconspicuous way to keep seeing her. Even though Alice was there, I still felt the need to keep my own watch over her.

Everyday, it became easier and easier to speak with her. She mostly talked about her sons, and how much she adored them. Even though it splintered my heart to hear it, I was happy for her, she definitely deserved it. She was extremely grateful to Alice for hiring her on full-time. I thought it would be too soon, and might make Bella nervous, but Alice insisted. She was still extremely upset over the random blackouts in Bella's future.

Bella' s overwhelming exhaustion became increasingly apparent as the week went by. She made the attempt to cover it with makeup, but her eyes were listless and dark crescents had begun to form beneath them. Alice had asked her about it, but she only said she wasn't sleeping well. It was none of my business and would be rude to ask, but I desperately wondered why.

On Thursday morning, I received the present I had ordered for her. I was too eager to wait and give it to her at Alice's surprise gathering on Friday, so I decided to give it to her that day at our usual lunch date instead.

A copy of Death's Jest by Beddoes. It was actually how the original copy was written, rather than one that was posthumously published, but it hardly mattered. It was amazing that any of his work was to be had in twenty-first century at all.

I wondered if it was the right present, it seemed so obvious, yet incredibly tainted. I couldn't get the feeling of foreboding to indefinitely clear out, so I pushed it into the realms of my deep seeded denial.

I was deviating slightly from Alice's advice of treating Bella like she was a new person and I prayed it wouldn't come back to haunt me, but knew it most likely would.

I opened the door to the studio searching for her, though I didn't immediately see her. She was sitting on the cream love seat in the back corner with her head slumped down.

"Bella?" I called quietly.

She didn't answer. She was sleeping upright with her arms folded, wearing a white cable knit sweater, with sleeves that were too long, the cuffs draped over the middle of her hands. The white of her sweater and the touches of sunlight against her skin gave her an ethereal glow. Evermore like an angel. The scent of lotus and resin wafted around her, invaded my senses, concurrently relaxing and intoxicating me.

I put her present down on the table and sat adjacent from her. Her chest rose and fell with the smallest inhales, her eyelids fluttered, and her lips quivered. I rested my chin on my hand and sat there mesmerized.

Of all the times I had wished for five minutes of being to be able to hear her thoughts, I never wanted it more than when she was dreaming. I always wondered what her subconscience knew that she wouldn't willingly tell me.

The peace of the moment was shattered when she yelped.

I thought she had seen me and was startled, but her eyes were still tightly closed. Her breathing had accelerated, and she was starting to thrash, I knelt down next to her, unsure if I should wake her or she would settle herself, but she soon made up my mind. She began to yell, repeating "No," and what sounded like ,"Off of me". I tried shaking her shoulder, but she just pushed against me, her screaming growing louder.

I pinned her arms down, and tried to call her name, but she was too far into whatever was holding her. She was still resisting my restraining her, so I said the only thing that I knew that might possibly wake her, hoping she wouldn't be extremely upset, though I doubt she'd notice.

I got as close to her as she would allow and spoke softly against her ear.

"Break from your buds, dear eyes, and draw me into you."

Her eyes flew open and she gasped. I honestly wondered if it would have the same effect on her that it once did, allowing her to awake from even the deepest sleep. A sort of antidote to her cursed slumber in one of our once upon-a-times. I was petrified that it had actually worked. Maybe it was just my voice rather than the words?

_You are a vain, masochistic, idiot. _

Her alarmed eyes rested on me, trying to figure out what had happened. I realized I was still loosely holding onto her wrists, but I didn't let go.

"You we're having a nightmare." I informed her.

_I think she would know. _

She nodded. "Not surprising. I've been having them...off and on for months...but the last few weeks they've been relentless...I haven't slept." Her reply was broken by purposeful breaths.

While listening eagerly, my hands had slipped into hers, and had been rubbing small heated circles into the backs of her hands. She looked down, and I went to pull my hands away, but she gripped them tighter.

Her tired eyes twinkled at me, and she squeezed again. A electrical fire had begun in my fingers. No matter how many times she touched me, the intensity still felt new.

"I'm sorry I woke you, it seemed like a better option." I said continuing the circles, looking at her to gauge her reaction.

She held on, but her lips played with a question. "You woke me?" she asked dubiously.

"Yes."

_Please don't ask me how._

"Hmm. My mother couldn't even wake me from my nightmares when I was a child. They would always just have to play out until I woke up voluntarily." She said sighing.

"Thank you."

I just smiled at her and nodded. Her innocence was endearing, but made her so gullible and accepting.

_Lucky for you. _

We sat unmoving for what seemed like hours, but was presumably seconds.

She broke her gaze to look the table I'd been sitting on and Alice's elegantly wrapped package sitting next to me.

"What's that?" she asked motioning with her eyes.

"That would be your birthday present." I said taking one of my hands away, but keeping a tight grip in the other. I handed the package to her, but she seemed reluctant to take it.

"You shouldn't have." she said more seriously than abashed.

_You're right I should have done more. _

"Why? Your birthday is only a day away." I tried to justify.

"No. I mean, I don't really celebrate my birthday," she said looking away.

_Your pending birth is the only reason I'm allowed to be reborn. _

_It's my own holy day, justifying my whole being, and you don't celebrate it?_

_Not allowing that for one more second. _

I placed my finger under her chin and pulled her face back to mine so I could see her eyes. They were guarded with apathy.

It pained me immensely.

"Bella, you want to be my friend. Right?"

_I'm beginning to loath that word. _

"Yes, of course, but-"

"There's no exceptions." I said stopping her rebuttal. "If you want me to be your friend, than you have to let me act like one, which means letting me celebrate your birthday. Traditionally, that's done with a gift." Slight sarcasm and levity broke in my voice, though I had meant it to be more touching rather than condescending.

"Are you done lecturing me on the rules of our friendship?" she laughed.

I looked down penitently, trying to hide a smile. I loved how she never took me too seriously and tore my garish explanations down to their bare boned meanings, making me feel foolish in the process. I would forever want to play the part of her fool.

"I suppose so." I confirmed, titling my head up slowly. Her brown smiling, though still sleepy, eyes greeted me.

"Good. Then I better open my present as to not break the rules you have so meticulously set out." she quipped.

_Forever would never be long enough_.

She let go of my hand, and eyed the present, then looked back up at me. The corner of her mouth turned up and her left eye narrowed, "Alice must have had a hand in this."

"Just the in wrapping, not the gift." I confessed.

She ripped all the paper off at once. "Sorry Alice, it was beautiful." she observed airily.

Her slender finger ran down the lip of the front cover. A deeply rooted, heartfelt joy swept across every inch of her face, and her cheeks flooded with color.

She looked at me, a silent laughter swirled in her timid eyes, the corner of them creased by the touch of her elated smile.

"I thought since you already knew one stanza, you might like to learn the rest," I explained.

"Is it in here?" she asked excitedly.

She had been thinking about it. My heart leapt up into my throat.

_You should not be excited about this. _

"I bookmarked it for you." I said shakily turning to the blue satin ribbon bookmark that I'd tucked into the exact page of Torrismond.

"It's a part of a play?" she asked, her eyes widening.

I nodded. "It's actually a song within it." I said pointing to the beginning.

"My eyes are kind of tired..." she said fruitlessly trying to focus on the page.

"You don't have to read it now, it's yours keep it. Read it whenever." I said attempting to close it up again, she put her hand in it.

"Would you mind?" She was bitting her lip.

"No, I know you're tired. I'm just happy you like it." I reassured her.

"Actually, I wondered if you would mind... reading it to me?"

Deja vu wasn't a strong enough description for the feeling that had painted the room.

_Is this what you were hoping for? _

_Recreating the past won't change it._

My stomach clenched and my heart spasmed simultaneously. She didn't know how much euphoria or trepidation this was causing me, her sweet eyes were just waiting for an answer.

I swallowed hard. I couldn't fathom what I was about to do or that she had asked me at all. It seemed like I was having an episode of seeing our past. Which suddenly struck me as odd because I hadn't had one vision since coming to Seattle.

Every part of my soul was screaming at me to do this, My head was adamantly opposed. It's a good thing my brain was easily silenced.

I nodded reluctantly and attempted to take the book from her, but her hands held fast.

"Come sit next to me. That table can't be very comfortable." she said patting the space next to her.

I did as I was asked, trying to keep my distance, but she still wasn't satisfied.

She moved next to me, sitting so close to me that our legs were touching, which was surprising in and of itself, but then she completely shocked me by pulling my arm around her shoulder and resting her head on my chest. She held my right hand tightly, and her left was placed on my leg.

"Comfortable?" she asked not looking at me. I hummed out my answer, unsure if I was able to speak.

_You're touching me in multiple places, I'm on fire actually._

I was drunk off the contact, off her perfumed hair, off the moment that I thought was destined to remain only in my most cherished dreams.

I fumbled with the book, trying to focus on the words that I never thought I would utter in her presence again.

"Did you want me to start from the beginning of this scene?" I stalled.

"Wherever you'd like to." she answered drowsily.

If this didn't kill me later it was going to be a miracle.

_Death would be too lenient a punishment._

"A garden by moonlight." I read.

I was about to purchase a first class ticket to my own hell, but I couldn't deny her this. I couldn't deny her anything.

I read of Veronica, wishing to sink into sleep before the next dewdrop fell, to a song. I knew every word and only looked at the book to solidify that they were real in somewhere other than my stolen memories.

"How many times do I love thee, dear?

Tell me how many thoughts there be

In the atmosphere

Of the new-fall'n year,

Whose white and sable hours appear

The latest flake of Eternity:-

So many times do I love thee, dear.

How many times do I love thee again?

Tell me how many beads there are

In a silver chain

Of evening rain,

Unravelled from the tumbling main,

And threading the eye of a yellow star:-

So many times do I love again."

"Beautiful." she mumbled out, her voice heavy with sleep.

I continued reading in a dampened tone.

Torrismond, had come upon his slumbering Veronica, musing over her beauty wishing to endlessly gaze upon her sleeping form, but urgently willing her to wake, that he might feel her love.

"Drink my impetuous passion and become

All that I ask. Break from your buds, dear eyes,

And draw me into you."

Her head felt extremely heavy. I figured her sleeping peacefully.

"Don't wake me." she whispered, her head was at an awkward angle. Three simple words had knocked the air completely out of me. I leaned back as far as I could, cradling her head as her breathing deepened, I kept my arm wrapped around her. I closed the book and wondered how I had become either this blessed or this damned.

I hadn't watched the clock, or the day shifting outside through the window. Only the shadows passing on her face and her deep, slow breaths, gave me any indication that time was still moving forward.

I had no idea why she was suddenly so comfortable with me, I hadn't done anything differently and only behaved like a friend, nothing more. It was as if some mysterious switch had been flipped, or maybe I had just read far too much into this moment because of what it meant to me. I didn't care what it was, I was convinced to stay in the moment without questioning how it had come to be.

She woke entirely too soon, stretching her hand up my chest, sighed, and looked up at me.

"Better?" I asked, still gazing down at her.

Her eyes froze in place, she sat up straight and refused to look at me again.

"I can't believe I fell asleep!" she exclaimed and pulling her sleeve back to glance at her watch, "Oh my God! I'm so sorry. That was incredibly rude," she said glancing back at me, "Why did you let me sleep for so long? Why didn't you wake me?" Her babbling questions started to meld together.

"You asked me not to." I replied trying not to laugh.

"Huh?"

"Never mind. Bella, relax. It's no big deal." I rubbed her shoulder to try and calm her.

"I'm glad you think so," she curtly shot at me and sprang from the couch, "I'm going to be late picking up the boys."

I grabbed her hand, "Alice already went to get them."

"What!" she asked alarmed.

"She had to go get Nate from the sitter's anyway, she didn't want to wake you."

"Fantastic." She flopped back down on the other end of the couch and buried her face in her hands.

"What's the matter?"

"This lack of sleep is seriously messing with me. I can't even stay awake for work, or to get the boys"

"There was nothing going on this afternoon. Alice's actually insisted that I let you sleep."

_At least that's what I assumed she meant when she thought, "Don't you dare move. I'm going to go get __the boys."_

"You both are just entirely too nice to me." Her fingers were pressed into her temple.

For what I owed her, the destruction that I had caused her, I couldn't treat her well enough.

"Bella? Do we need to go over friendship basics again? I think you need a refresher course."

She glanced behind her shoulder and narrowed her eyes at me. "Moonlighting again so soon?"

"Just trying to calm you down." I responded stretching.

"I used you as a pillow, and my boss is now picking up my kids, because I couldn't stay awake during work. Please tell me _why_ I should be calm and not severely embarrassed." she countered.

I laughed, she was so easily disappointed in herself. If she only knew what she was capable of.

"Now you're laughing? Really?" She was fuming.

I laughed harder and she threw a pillow at me.

"What is so damn funny?" she asked heatedly.

"You are." I was trying to stop, but she was so adorable when she was angry that I found it difficult.

She rolled her eyes and turned to yawn.

"Your pillow is still open." I informed her and silenced the last of my laughter.

"I'm good." She was bitting her lip.

"Really? Because I think it'd be fun to hear you talk about me again." I winked at her.

I couldn't resist mentioning it. She was so concerned in her perceived failures that I wanted to distract her, but I wondered too late if I had made a gross error.

Her head snapped to me and her eyes grew to four times their normal size, trembling with authentic horror.

"Oh God." she cried flying off the couch again. She had made it to Alice's office and shut the door before I could get up to chase her.

_So easily embarrassed._

"Bella." I knocked on the door, thinking that she had locked it, but was surprised when the knob turned in my hand.

"Please just go away." She spun Alice's chair in order to face the back wall.

"Why? Look. I'm sorry I said anything. You do _know_ that you talk in your sleep?"

"So I've been told," she responded flatly.

"Why is this so upsetting for you?" I sat on the corner of Alice's desk, just behind her waiting for an answer.

"Because I don't know what I said."

"Do you think I would hold it against you?"

_She couldn't honestly think that._

She shook her head.

"You didn't say anything incriminating anyway." I reassured her.

She turned a fraction in the chair she glanced at me out of the corner of her eye.

"I swear. Just my name. Two, three times, tops."

The chair spun away from me again.

I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing. She was such a child when it came to some things.

I went around the desk and stooped down to her chair, holding it tight so she couldn't turn it. She tried anyway.

"Stop." I said more authoritatively than I meant to. Her stunned eyes speared mine, she attempted to rise, but I pulled her back down in the chair roughly. "Enough Isabella. You're going to talk to me wether you want to or not." I said clasping her hands in mine as I had done this afternoon.

"I'm embarrassed beyond belief and you want to chat?" she snipped at me.

"Why does it bother you so much that you were dreaming of me? I was starting to become offended.

"It doesn't." Practically her entire bottom lip had disappeared into her mouth.

_Of course not. _

"Does it bother you because I know?" She nodded and closed her eyes.

"Bella, I've dreamed of you more times than I can count."

She swiftly inhaled and held the breath tightly.

I continued, " I've dreamed of you every night since the minute I met you, and cannot go two minutes without thinking about you." I explained, exposing my obsession even more. She didn't have to know how many lifetimes it spanned.

She shook her head rapidly.

"Please...stop." Her eyes sealed tightly.

I should've but I couldn't.

"Bella, I'm not going to pretend that I don't like you dreaming about me. Your subconscious obviously knows what it wants. Mine does."

_The same thing that very other piece of me wants. _

Her head shakily moved to the side.

"Bella. Look at me." I pleaded.

The brown glassy orbs were weak and tired. I knew what I was doing wasn't fair to her, my declarations were making things worse.

I backed up and sat on the desk again.

"This is getting too complicated for me." Her confession bounced off the floor.

_You couldn't even last a week? _

_How difficult is it to keep your mouth shut?_

"I'm sorry Bella. I don't know... how... to be friends with you." I sputtered out honestly, "It's killing me." I jumped off the desk and began to pace, grabbing my head and praying I hadn't just completely blown the one opportunity that I was given. "Honest to God," my voice broke, " I'm trying incredibly hard."

"I know. It's not your fault Edward. I'm just not really handling this as well as I thought I could."

"Maybe I should give you some space. Stay away for a while." I offered. Though I knew I couldn't possibly do that for multiple reasons.

"No!" She practically yelled, "I mean, I don't think that will help." Her eyes darted to the picture of Nate on Alice's desk.

"Good, because I wasn't really sure I'd be able to." I admitted. I leaned up against the closed door and smiled at her. She seemed as incapable as I was to end this even though we both had excellent reasons.

She let out a small laugh, "I'm so screwed."

"Only in your dreams, Dear." I grimaced at my stupid assumption.

_You have no idea if she was dreaming about you that way._

I was trying to get up the gall to apologize for my lack of decorum, but I noticed something was wrong with her face. The color that spread across it was closer to crimson than I had ever seen it.

_I was right?_

_Sweet Jesus._

I quickly motioned with two fingers for her to come over, she stood and crossed the room. I opened the door, gesturing for her to go out, but instead of allowing her to exit, I caught her by the arm. Her features were calm, almost confident, but puffs of ruby were still billowing in her cheeks.

"Was it as good for you as it's been for me?' I expected her to blush further and run away, but she surprised me by not only staying put, but answering me.

Her florid lips curved into wicked grin.

"Why do you think I was saying your name?"

_Guess we'll have to work up to screaming. _

"Then I'll consider your nap part of your present," I stated darkly.

She gave a small gust of laughter and walked hurriedly away.

_The apple of Eden had nothing on her._

**A/N: I didn't quite get to Bella's birthday with this, but the next one will meet up-and it's nearly done. There is some debate as to wether the works in Death's Jest/The Fool's Tragedy - are considered plays, and if the songs are actually poems. I figure it's art, it's beautiful, and it's subject to personal interpretation. :)**


	10. Chapter 10

EPOV

I was attempting to grasp what was about to happen, but my renegade mind had been too busy deceiving me in order to permit it. Bella had appeared genuinely obtainable to me over the last week and with every fiber of my being, I wanted to believe she was. I wished for nothing more than to stay in my self induced obliviousness, but seeing her walk in with another man, especially one that she had unknowingly promised to love and obey was going to utterly demolish the facade.

I had spent the day trying not to think about it, and debating wether I should go at all. I couldn't let the progress we had made mean nothing, but I still didn't know if I was capable to see this man, as perfectly nice as he may be, and not want to rip him to shreds for being fortunate enough to have found her first.

_You actually owe him for protecting her from you. _

_That's how you should look at this. _

I could do it if I looked at his presence as a blessing, rather than a curse. Bella had deemed him worthy enough to be in her life, to become is wife, to bare his children. I had to quickly acclimate to the idea that she would never be mine in those ways, or I was sure to have nothing of her.

I was on pins and needles sitting at the lounge, not only for what was coming, but for the atmosphere in general. I haven't been to anything like it since I was in college, and even then it was only to appease my drunken roommates. Despite my personal reservations, the club itself was fairly lively, although I felt like the oldest person there.

A hard hand clamped heavily onto my knee, apparently it had been bouncing on its own accord.

"I think this will be fun. Calm down," Alice advised me.

"This is why people drink Alice."

She nodded sympathetically.

"Are _they_ still coming?" Even alluding to it made me want to abandon the inane notion of staying.

Alice closed her eyes and tried to focus.

Jasper and I had both seen the fear in her eyes as they speedily reopened.

I had already seen that her attempts to focus on Bella had been met with darkness.

"I can't see her at all." Her panic evident in her voice.

I ran my hand through my hair, even though Alice's screen was blank, mine was overrun.

"When was the last time you attempted to see her?" I questioned through shallow breaths.

"This morning before work, she was dropping the boys off at school before she came to the studio," she whimpered out. Jasper tenderly began to stroke her back to soothe her.

"Alice, is there any kind of pattern?" I was sure I already knew what it might be, but I couldn't let it over take my sanity just then.

"Um, I don't know. It mostly happens in the evenings or late at night. At least that's when it's more noticeable. It will just cut off randomly."

I rubbed my head fiercely to get the realization that had just manufactured itself in my brain to go away, but it wouldn't. This cannot be reality, there had to be another reason. Any other reason.

"You alright?" Jasper asked. He was feeling like the ball in an emotional game of tennis.

"Fine. I'm fine." I lied.

"You are not." Alice accused looking up. "What the hell are you not telling me Edward?" She sat upright, her eyes burrowed into me trying to get a read.

"It's nothing." I waved her off looking away.

"_Damn it!" _she thought loudly, _"What are you hiding from me? This doesn't just concern you. Bella is important to me too. You have to just say it. Some of us aren't mind readers!"_

"This isn't the first time you haven't been able to see her," I explained, hoping it was enough to quell her worry.

"I know that. I told you Monday that there were gaps!" she responded crossly.

I shook my head. She wasn't understanding, and I didn't want to understand.

"No," I started, "this isn't the first _life_ you haven't been able to see her," I told her as quietly as possible. It wasn't as if anyone would hear us over the music, but I felt saying the words any louder might make them more factual.

"_Which one was..." _she thought apprehensively.

I glowered at her. She stiffened a bit, but was still skeptical.

"Are you sure Edward? You're not even supposed to be able to-" she stopped short.

My muscles tensed with rage. "Above any other life Alice, that's the one I see the most, and in the most detail!" I relayed forcefully, "Whether I'm supposed to be able to or not, I have! I'm not mistaking about this!"

She thoughtfully took a drink, trying to calm herself.

"Let's just say that you are right," she acquiesced, "do you know the reason why?"

"Not entirely," I admitted.

"What _do_ you know? Let's start there."

I stared into the water bottles sitting on the table. Trying to get a grip on my words before I let them come out, because once I did, the reality of them would overwhelm me.

"I know that the only time you couldn't see her then, was when she was with," I closed my eyes trying to form the last of it without becoming a puddle on the floor, "her husband, or rather ex-husband." I winced. It made me feel sick to acknowledge the words aloud.

Alice and Jasper both took a sharp in take of breath and worriedly looked at each other then me. I had told them both about the life that haunted me the most. They knew most every detail except this one. I had never thought it would be necessary to share this seemingly insignificant element.

The realization hit me as hard as I knew it would. I wanted to try and play the part that Bella had requested I play, but with the new revelation that had forced itself upon me in that instant, I didn't think I could play any other part that I had always been destined to.

It was then that I saw Bella coming around the corner being led by her _husband_.

_Just relax. It's not the same. He's not the same. _

The boys were a younger carbon copy of him, like Bella had said.

Alice jumped up to greet her. As her mind had been consumed over the last few moments with dread, she was now very relieved to see Bella was indeed alive and well. The reassurance of seeing her was immediately tarnished when her husband's thoughts started to invade my head.

_You should tune them out for your own good. _

_When have I ever done anything that was in my best interest?_

"_At least a seven. Alice can come over anytime."_

_Seriously? _

_Here you are trying to give him the benefit of the doubt and not kill him on sight, and he's numerically rating your sister. _

I needed to get out of his head as quickly as possible.

I went to Alice's instead, hoping that the familiarity would distract me.

"_I told her that dress would be amazing." _

How right Alice was. Bella's delicate frame looked like it had been wound tightly in prussian blue silk, accentuating every seductive curve she'd been blessed with. Her natural seraphic air had been undeniably eclipsed by her readily displayed physical attributes. Her mouth, her legs, her breasts, were all inconspicuously calling to me in a language only I could understand. She was stunning and I felt the immediate need to corrupt her in ways I've only fantasized about.

_It was all Alice's fault. _

_Don't forget to thank her. _

Apparently I wasn't the only one who was appreciative of Alice's taste.

"Thanks by the way." Jacob credited Alice thoughtlessly.

He was more preoccupied with Bella's earlier refusal of him.

_I had barely touched her and she still wanted me more._

Maybe his thoughts would be more entertaining and less nauseating than I'd thought.

Bella had moved beyond Alice to greet Jasper, he hugged her and wished her a Happy Birthday before passing her off to me.

I pulled her around the middle and pressed her into me, she put her arms around my neck.

"You look incredible." I murmured as low as I could.

"Thank you." she whispered back, "We match."

I smiled against her hair. "In so many ways Bella."

"_What the hell is she hugging him that long for?" _

"Happy Birthday." I said bringing my voice back up to normal range, letting her go.

"Bella. You gonna introduce me?" Jacob's request came hard and irritated.

She flitted back over to Alice looking ashamed.

_Sure, let me introduce your mouth to my fist. _

"Jake." Alice offered catching the tension, "This my husband Jasper."

He was sizing up Jasper, like he was a a police officer. Bella never actually had said what he did for a living.

_Let's see what he makes of you._

"And this is my brother, Edward Cullen." Alice pointed at me.

His thoughts immediately went to description and impression, not unlike most people, but he still made me leery.

"Jacob." I tonelessly greeted him offering my hand.

"Edward." He acknowledged taking it, but dropping it almost instantaneously.

He sat next to Bella and across from me, deciding I had bothered him in a way he couldn't describe.

_Feeling is mutual. _

He took surveillance of the club, noting the distracting red neon and that this wasn't a typical place for him to frequent.

_At least we had something in common. _

I was going to comment on the lighting, maybe get him to talk a little more, but he continued the thought. Something about his ability to pick up classy women. I was so preoccupied with what I was going to say, that I must have missed the context.

"_What's he like?"_ Jasper's thought came up unexpectedly.

I leaned to him trying to talk so Bella and Alice wouldn't hear.

"He thinks Alice is a 'seven' and he already distrusts me." I relayed smugly.

Jasper shook his head "He's crazy if he thinks Alice's is anything less than a twenty. As for his trust issues, he's got good instincts."

"Touché." I conceded.

I readily returned to trespassing in Jacob's less than noble preoccupations. He had become overly concerned with getting a drink, deciding that he would have to make a trip to the bar.

_Go ahead. More time with Bella for me. _

We were greeted by our server before he could make a move to leave.

_Damn. _

"Hello. My name is Jennie, I'll be your server this evening. What can I start you off with?"

_How about your panties on the floor?_ Jacob's unannounced request struck me.

_I know I heard that. _

_He's here with the other half of why I exist and he was willing the panties off the waitress. _

_Who, incidentally, hasn't thought about anything other than how gorgeous I am since she walked over here. _

I glanced at him, suppressing a laugh.

"_What the fuck are you looking at?"_

_Absolutely nothing. _

"Hey Beautiful, I'll have a scotch and soda."

Now he was blatantly flirting.

Bella scooted closer to him, her face contorted with nervousness before she hesitantly questioned him.

"Are you sure you should be drinking?"

"It's fine Bella, one drink is nothing for me," he snapped at her.

"_She was lucky I never smacked her around with the way she talked to me."_

I let out a noise that I'm sure didn't sound entirely human and kept my fists clenched so as to not jump across the table and snap his neck in six different places.

_You even look at her wrong tonight and I'll kill you. _

"How about you?" I could barely hear the request, the blood boiling in my ears was deafening.

"_God, he's so gorgeous and he's not wearing a ring, I wonder if I should..." _Her rambling thoughts we're annoying at best.

Jacob was agitated that Jennie preferred me over him.

_I'm know she's not the only one you fucking tool. _

_Keep feeding me what I need to get you away from Bella. _

_So much for benefit of the doubt. _

I gave Jennie my widest smile, informing her I didn't want anything.

"_Nothing? Fucking pussy couldn't even handle one drink?" _His thoughts were becoming clearer.

There was no way I could even think about having a drink now. I had to stay focused on every thought he had.

Everyone else ordered in turn, Alice then decided it was time for Bella to open her presents. I had chosen to get something simple for her. The four books I had seen that were missing from Alice's vision on the night Bella had panicked and ran from the house. I signed the front cover of each one, but it felt like a lie, I couldn't have written one of them without her.

Jacob was having a fit because I had gotten her something.

_You have no idea what I could give her that you couldn't._

"You already gave me my present yesterday though Edward." Her head bowed as she said it.

"_What the hell did he give her and why hadn't she told me about it?" _His protests were almost funny.

"Did you like it?" My tone was purposefully infused with implication.

"_Motherfucker."_

Bella nodded at me and blushed like I knew she would, further driving the point home.

_That's my girl. _

_Let's mess with him a little more. _

"_Fucker is hitting on her right in front of me."_

_Get used to it. _

"I'm hoping you'll like these too." My words were still thick with suggestion.

"_You're one comment away from ending up in the hospital douche." _

_Better than on a slab at the morgue like you. _

Bella was giggling. I wondered if the alcohol was starting to have an affect on her or if it was my gift.

"They're perfect." More blush filled her cheeks as her eyes caught mine. There was joy was mixed with confusion, but I didn't know from what.

"They're autographed." I smiled at her reaction, though something was still amiss.

Alice gave me a wide eyed stare of disbelief, but kept a smile on her face as her alarmed thoughts flowed freely.

"_Are you crazy? She never told you what books she didn't have!" _

_Shit._

I looked at her hopefully, and as if she could read my mind right back, she answered me.

"_No, she didn't tell me either. You're getting careless Edward."_

Bella had lifted up the front cover of one of the books, her eyes fixed to where I had signed the pen name and the message "Sweet dreams."

Her face exploded in furls of red and pink.

"How did you ever manage to get them signed?" Her infectious laughter drifted through the question.

I, along with Alice and Jasper joined in.

"I'm a close acquaintance of the author." I didn't know if I was speaking of myself or her, but I had phrased it more a joke, than an admission. Everyone, except for Jacob, laughed more.

"Someone going to let me in on the joke?" His anger stopped the room in its tracks.

Bella's face quickly centered on him.

"Oh, right. I forgot. You don't know." She was still caught up in her giggling.

"_You better stop fucking laughing at me."_

I couldn't stand how hostile his thoughts were becoming. He was much more upset than the situation warranted.

"Know what?" His hostility oozed into the question.

He glared fiercely at Bella expecting her to answer quickly. She flinched and her face drained of color. His anger had robbed her of every last ounce of happiness it had held seconds ago, replacing it with fear.

_Okay. Enough of this. _

_Gloves are off and I don't fight fair. _

"They're my books," I informed him, "I wrote them." My contempt dripped from every syllable.

"Uh, and you thought Bella would like them because...?" He was hoping I would embarrass myself.

"_Watch it Edward." _Alice warned_. _

_Not a chance in hell I'm backing down from this. _

"Oh. I _know_ what Bella likes." I sat back in my seat, letting the insinuation mill around in his mind. His thoughts were cluttered with a bunch of colorful expletives, but nothing concrete. I smiled broadly and began flagrantly staring at Bella. The blood had refilled her face, along with some of the exuberance that had previously been there.

"_Fucker is going down right now."_

_Try it and you won't be walking out of here. _

"H'orderves are here," Alice announced loudly.

"_Stop it! You're going to upset Bella." _Alice was getting pissed.

"_Nice."_ Jasper thought giving me a stealthy look of approval_. "He's a complete jerk." _I gave a light nod in confirmation and continued to focus on Jacob.

He was convinced that my novels weren't going to be able to lure Bella away from him.

_Maybe not, but I didn't need a lure. _

"_Definitely doable if I forgot about earlier." _

Couldn't he find anything else to think about? It was like Showtime late night running through his head.

_I should just be thankful he wasn't thinking about Bella like that. _

The thought make me ill.

He was searching the room for women, rating them as he went. Seven. Seven. Eight. Nine.

"_Reminds me of that one chick in Phoenix, with the kinky sister. _

_I told Bella I was at a safety conference that weekend. _

_Yeah, I was safely tucked in between two smoking hot women for the better part of twenty-four hours." _

That was all I needed to hear. He had cheated on her in Phoenix and I'm sure it wasn't the first time, or the last. I needed to know everything I could about him, though I was certain I'd learned far too much.

"Dance with me Bella." It wasn't a request.

She looked at him for approval. I nearly pulled her away, as she had already placed her hand in mine.

"You don't mind, do you?" she asked of him, though it didn't seem like she was going to take no for an answer.

"S'pose not." I had scarcely heard his approval as I was already nearing the dance floor with her.

"I don't dance Edward."

"I know." The words came out before I could stop them.

We moved briskly through the throng of dancers to the back entrance, I was hoping to get her outside and away from the obnoxious music and random thoughts.

I opened the door for her and she stepped out into the night, a misty spray greeted us.

"Doesn't this ever stop?" Bella's voice sounded so far away. I wasn't entirely sure she was talking about the weather.

"Not often. Or so I'm told." I answered about rain, but didn't know if it was applicable to anything else she might have been referring to. "We could go back in." I offered, though I really didn't want to.

"Wait." she commanded.

She sounded so serious. Something must be on her mind, I waited patiently against the wall.

"I can't believe I'm about to do this." she professed to the ground.

What was she about to do?

I knew I hadn't acted very rationally or courteously towards her husband, maybe she was done with dealing with me. It's not like I could explain why I had completely lost it, could I? Now was as good a time as any.

"Please don't hold this against me." Her request held the solemness of a prayer.

Her eyes were searching mine for some kind of salvation, an indication that I wouldn't condemn her for whatever it was she was about to do.

I opened my mouth to beg her to not cast me out of her life, but I didn't have time to speak.

Her eager lips had caught hold of mine and were urgently, but tenderly crushing them.

_Was I dreaming?_

_I didn't care. _

Every part of my lips, face, body and soul was burning.

I braided my hand into her dark curls, pulling them away from her face. My blazing lips crashed passionately and repeatedly into hers, tasting every fragment of intensity that radiated off her bliss soaked lips. Her fingers ran into my hair, tangling in it and pulling me closer, an unstoppable groan escaped my otherwise engaged mouth.

_Infinitely better than dreaming. _

I ran my tongue over her bottom lip, she moaned and her eyes fluttered as her lips parted. I drew her into me, clutching her against my overzealous body. Another moan echoed off our lips as we pressed together, but I wasn't sure from which one of us it had come. My tongue was reverently, but fervently, exploring and tasting every sweet avenue of her sacred mouth. Her breathing was ragged, but she fisted her hand further into my hair, and a silken tongue had began to move powerfully against my own. The force of her tongue pulsing with mine, was taking over my ability for rational thought.

_Thinking is overrated. _

I temporarily lost myself in the moment, allowing my hands to start roving down the curves that had been summoning me. Her ever growing sighs were undoing me faster than I'd thought possible. I was seconds away from pinning her against the wall and taking every last ounce of what she would give me. Which is why I had to immediately stop.

_What are you? A boy scout?_

_There were saints with less self control. _

Her warm panting breaths were still pummeling my face as I reluctantly puled my mouth and body away.

"Bella, as much as I'd love to continue this, we shouldn't." I couldn't believe I was strong enough.

"I'm sorry," she cried weakly.

"Stop apologizing to me." I reprimanded softly, "You don't _ever_ have to apologize to me, for _anything_. Especially not for something as amazing as that."

The outer door opened next to us, both Alice and Jasper came out. Bella hopped away and stood innocently next to me.

"It's so nice out here."Alice said aloud_. _

"_I can see little tiny fragments. Not much." _Her thought was of us a few moments ago.

An impish smile stretched my lips.

"It's wonderful, despite the rain." I answered back, discretely acknowledging her.

"_We need to test this, bring her back inside closer to him." _

I nodded.

"Bella? Would you like to finish our _conversation_ inside?"

"Yes." she choked out speeding to the door behind Alice and Jasper.

I followed her in, guiding her to the wall where Jacob could see only her back, but where I could still watch him. Alice and Jasper stood causally by the bar.

"Bella. I'm not complaining in the slightest, but where did that come from?" I was still reeling from it.

"It was sort of a thank you." She explained grabbing my hand, but not looking at me.

"For what?"

"For everything," she answered as her eyes wandered up to mine, "but mostly for shutting Jake's mouth." She gave a half hearted laugh.

_If that got her to kiss me, I wonder what shutting it permanently would do?_

"I have to ask. Why are you-"

"It's complicated." she answered already knowing what I was asking.

"I'm a quick study."

I had to know what she could possibly see in him. I was having trouble arriving at any logical reason that she would be attached to him.

"I should have warned Alice that Jake really isn't sociable." She said not acknowledging my persistence.

_He's plenty sociable with other women._

"That doesn't give him the excuse to talk to you like that." Not saying exactly what I would have liked.

"He's never been good with meeting new people. He was just on edge," she defended him, "It's no big deal."

"Bella, I saw how you looked when he spoke to you, how your demeanor changed, your mood. It all changed in an instant. I know this isn't because of tonight, and to me, that's a huge deal."

She dropped my hand, looking stunned.

"So, you're a detective now too?" she accused folding her arms over her chest.

"Hardly. It would only take someone with a pair of eyes to see how it affected you."

Her eyes dropped looking at the wall like it was the most interesting thing in the room.

"You're right. Okay? On all accounts. I just didn't realize that I was that translucent." she admitted, stealing a glance at me.

_She'd been trying to hide it?_

"I'm just really good at reading people."

"I've noticed." Her reply meant something more but I couldn't put my finger on it.

"Noticed what?" I pressed.

"Different things, " she responded vaguely, her eyes capturing mine again.

I figured my efforts were better spent on finding out more about Jacob, so for the time being I abandoned the tangent.

"What does he do for a living?"

"Security. He details different places, events, people." She seemed relieved that I switched the conversation back to him.

"So he's gone a lot?"

"Yes," she said clamming up.

"It must be difficult to have someone you love away all the time." I silently cursed myself for letting that slip. After what she had done outside, I doubt her feelings could run very deep for him, but I had to know.

"Sure." She said looking looking at her rings.

"That wasn't exactly a yes." I asserted.

She rolled her eyes. "I don't mind that he's gone a lot."

"Oh," was all I could manage. I wanted to ask her directly how she felt about him, though I knew it shouldn't be any of my business.

"Edward. Why don't you just ask me what you want to know?"

"Do you love him?" The question was out of my mouth before I could decide if I should ask it.

"Does that really matter?"

"You're married to him, usually the two are conjoined in some way."

"Look, Jake is a decent person, he has some issues, but he is a good father and a hard worker." she sidestepped.

"I didn't hear the word 'love' anywhere in there." I was committed to hearing her answer.

"You need to let this go Edward."

"Let what go?" I couldn't dream that she meant what I had thought.

"This." she said motioning a finger between the two of us. A quiet glance from her forlorn eyes, told me everything.

The events of tonight immediately fell into place. Her kiss wasn't given out of appreciation, it was her subliminal way of telling me goodbye.

It wasn't an option, not after tonight. I had every intention of keeping in control and allowing her to continue on with the life she had already set out for herself, but there is no way I could just bow out gracefully now. Alice's inability to see her when she was with him , made it all the more the reality that Bella shouldn't be anywhere near him. At best, I knew I was safer for her than him.

"It's too late Bella." I brought her hand to my mouth, kissing her palm, her wrist, her forearm, moving myself closer to her as I went.

"Edward..stop...he...might..." Her objections were no more than throaty whispers that grew increasingly inaudible as I kissed up to her shoulder.

"Who might?" I wondered if she should remember her own name, let alone his.

_Curiosity killed the cat._

I cradled her neck in my hand as my lips pressed deeply into the side, drawing in just a circle of her supple skin between them.

"Uh..um...Mmmm..."

_I'll take that as a no. _

"I'm not letting you go anywhere," I spoke softly against her ear.

"You...have to." she breathed out.

I ghosted my nose down the trail I had forged with my lips, inhaling her heaven inspired sent.

"I can't." I declared into the hollow of her throat. I wanted to give her whatever she asked for, but I couldn't grant her wish in lieu of her safety.

_Not to mention the million selfish reasons currently saturating your mind. _

Alice caught my eyes just then wondering silently what the hell I thought I was doing.

I gave her a challenging look and took Bella into my arms, as if to say, "whatever I deem necessary."

She nodded in approval which surprised me.

"_It's time for cake."_ was all she thought before she walked away with Jasper.

_Cake? I didn't realize we were nine. _

Bella extricated herself from my embrace looking up at me with defeated eyes.

"I'm not going to change your mind, am I?" She sounded legitimately fearful.

"Short of the hand of God smiting me down Bella, there's nothing that is going to keep me from you." And even that didn't stop me for very long.

She worriedly bit her lip, presumably trying to come up with an argument, but she remained silent.

I looked back at the table, Alice and Jasper had returned and we speaking with Jacob. I didn't want him to even be in the same state as her, let alone have her go home and share a bed with him. I felt more nauseated than I had all night at the thought.

"Promise me something?" I asked her hurriedly.

I had drawn her attention back to me.

"I can try." she agreed hesitantly.

It would have to be enough.

"Just promise me I can continue to see you. Don't shut me out." I needed time to figure out how to expunge Jacob from her life, but I needed to make sure she was safe until I did.

She looked down to her shoes, pinching her eyes shut and exhaled.

"I don't know if that is a good idea."

"Bella, I'm not above begging, but I 'd prefer not to." It didn't matter if I couldn't get her approval, I would still have to see her, somehow. Even if I _did_ have to go covertly spy through her windows.

"I'll do my best," she agreed noncommittally.

"Please Bella, I need something a little more substantial than that."

"I promise not to shut you out, but you have to remember that there are lines I can't cross."

I smirked at her.

"You're the one who kissed_ me_, remember?"

"Faintly," she joked.

"Can I give you a reminder?"

"Maybe in another life." she suggested sadly turning away.

Her seemingly blasé offer shook me to my core.

"Sorry Isabella, I'm not waiting that long." I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and ushered her swiftly back to the table.

ER_

Alice had chosen some type of buttercream, raspberry filled monstrosity of a cake and insisted we all eat a piece with champagne. She used the opportunity to make a toast to Bella, wishing her many more birthdays to come. I could only hope I would be permitted to ensure it.

Jacob's thoughts were only concerned with getting out of there, and taking Bella with him. He was repeatedly looking at his watch and growing more agitated each time.

I wondered briefly if I could put him in a coma, and make it look like an accident.

Bella began biting her lip, warily eyeing me and then Jacob, "I think we should get going." Jacob was off the couch and on his feet in seconds, "Meet you at the car. Five minutes!" he warned, before he walked off.

Screw the coma. I wanted to see him suffer first.

She sighed and started the round of "goodbyes" and "thank yous", choosing to end with me.

She hugged me tightly inhaling deeply like she was trying to keep her composure.

"Goodbye, Edward." she said poignantly before releasing me and jaunting to the door.

I had to force myself to sit, for I had momentarily considered taking her hostage.

"Please tell me you can see her tomorrow." I despairingly inquired of Alice.

"Yes, and for a quite a while after that actually." she stated opening her eyes after a bit.

I could see her weekend consisted of playing with her sons, going grocery shopping, and crawling into bed alone.

"_He must be gone for the weekend."_ Alice thought cheerfully.

I breathed a sigh of relief.

"What about Monday?" I quizzed anxiously.

As Alice's eyes closed, I saw Bella leaving the studio before I could meet her for lunch.

"It must be something that happens tonight," Alice conjectured, "Until she left, I could see you both going to lunch. Now it's just her."

"Damn it! I can't let her spend any more time with him!"

"_Edward, we have a bigger problem."_ she thought.

I frowned. I was upset that she could think anything was more vital than getting Bella away from him.

"It's not just her that he blocks, it's anyone he's around. Including us." She huffed.

I should have guessed.

"Of course." I said downing the last of my champagne, if I was ever going to drink now would be the time, but I needed something harder than a bubbly white wine.

"Don't even think about it Edward," she warned, "we need to figure this out."

"What is there left to figure out!" I snapped at her, "He's found her again, and she is completely clueless as to how dangerous he is to her. Not to mention he's fucked around on her with God knows how many women!"

"I knew something was wrong with him." Jasper commented.

Alice looked disgusted.

"Well, since Bella most likely won't buy the her husband is innately dangerous to her, maybe she'll leave him if we can offer her evidence of his "escapades," Jasper proposed, "A private investigator should be able to get some tangible evidence pretty quickly."

I nodded, but I still felt helpless.

"He didn't just _find_ her Edward." Alice 's assertion startled me.

"So you're the expert now?"

"No, and neither are you," she reminded me curtly, "May I continue?"

I signaled her with a wave of my hand to proceed.

"What if he never left her?"

"Pardon?"

"What if they've been inescapably together since that life? Him reincarnating along with us?"

I hook my head, "Is it really necessary to jump to the worst case scenario?" She was reaching and I hated the direction she was turning.

"_It does make some sense."_ Jasper reasoned.

Alice rolled her eyes at me, dismissing my objection.

"What if, she's been repeating the life with him subsequent times? They died together in the past, maybe that bonded them in someway?"

"You're supposed to evolve with every life, not stay stagnant." I explained hoping to derail her.

"Exactly. The soul, the relationships, they're all supposed to evolve, but she is with him in this life. That means something went awry." Alice argued.

"Perhaps she couldn't move on. In every life since, you've been absent." Jasper noted, looking to me.

"She didn't know who the hell I was!" I defended. "There's no way she could have." I added somberly.

"_She still doesn't." _Alice thought. "What changed? What was different in this life?"

I thought for a long moment.

"I actually spoke to her." The answer was so simple, it couldn't be the only reason things would have changed.

Alice looked completely elated with herself.

"It's such a minor event Alice, it couldn't possibly have had any type of impact." I argued.

"It's the butterfly effect. It only takes one miniscule action to change everything."

"This isn't 'Sound of Thunder' Alice," I countered, "If she _is_ on a 'hypothetical' repeat, then me talking to her, or being in her life, wont change the outcome of it." I had to push back the terror that threatened to internally strangle me.

"Yes it will. _You_ have the advantage here, because of what you've been privy to in your visions, you already know he's malicious and evil. They've given you so much more than you've credited them with." She smiled broadly.

"I highly doubt that."

She let out an exasperated sigh and not so silently berated me.

"I have always believed that you were looking at them the wrong way," she mused outwardly.

"How else was I supposed to look at it? It's a punishment for my failure."

She shook her head, but still wore an insatiable smile.

"You always _assumed_ it a punishment." she retorted, "Maybe, you were _gifted_ exactly what you needed."

"Whatever you say Alice." I wasn't going to continue entertaining her theories of my penalty, it definitely wasn't up for debate.

This was all postulation, and I couldn't let myself get drawn into it, but I didn't exactly have the evidence to refute it either.

Alice's assumptions were in the same vicinity as my own, but I wouldn't admit it to her. I had dreaded since Monday, that he had managed to infiltrate her life again, but I would never have assumed it to be as twisted as Alice has suggested. I could only work with the solid information I had, and deal with whatever else may come.

More guilt was heaved upon my unsteady conscience. What if it was true? If it was, there would be no way to redeem myself. Ever. If she had been linked to him, and was stuck in some sort of a loop, because my inextinguishable culpability had repeatedly caused me to believe she was safer without me, there could be no redemption for that. I would never deserve her, but I couldn't let her suffer anymore due to my inaction, if any of it had a remote chance of being true.

It honestly didn't matter if it was all a reality. It wouldn't be continuing for her, there was no way I was going to let her go through another life unprotected.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters, anything that seems like copyright infringement is unintentional. Had I been creative or smart enough to come up with any of that- I wouldn't be here. :) **

**Thank you to any and all reviewers- u rock and I love you!**

BPOV

I slammed my bedroom door like I was a teenager and slowly let myself fall to the bottom of it allowing all my books to fall clumsily next to my disheveled crumpled body. I was adrift in the center of this self-created perfect storm, and I didn't have so much as a lifejacket to keep me afloat.

I sprinted out of the club as fast as possible after delivering a round of sincere thanks and uncertain goodbyes. It was excruciatingly difficult to leave Edward alone with the air of apprehension that had sealed itself into his emotive eyes, but I didn't have a choice.

I knew Jake was going to commence his overbearing husband routine. I tried to make small talk, but it only drove him straight into his tirade. I honestly could care less what he asked me to do and usually just went along with whatever he said, but when he accused Edward of being a skirt chaser and demanded I not see any of them again, I cracked. He had no right to judge anyone and I was fed up with his crap for the day, so I told him where to go. He threatened me with taking the boys, and no matter how many times he'd done that, it still felt raw. Even the thought of me being away from my sons for more than a few days was too difficult to handle. Unfortunately, he knew my weaknesses and used them to will me into submission.

_Jackass._

I was so glad I had worn the dress Alice picked out for me, having Jake want me but not letting him touch me was the sweetest revenge. I smiled at my audaciousness and felt slightly better.

Reluctantly, I picked myself off the floor and undressed. I could still smell traces of Edward floating from the cooling silk. I took at deep inhale of the fabric before placing the dress on my bed, exchanging the glamor and intoxication for the simplicity of a Snuggle scented robe.

I started a bath, adjusting the water before I went down to the kitchen in pursuit of a glass of wine. I was hoping Jake would be asleep, but I heard him rummaging around in the guestroom. I quickly went to pour the wine and return upstairs before he decided that he had any more pearls of _wisdom_ to share.

The bubbles were past the overflow drain, so I stopped the water and took in half the glass of wine before realizing what I was about to do. Normally, I would take a book in too, but I didn't know if that would help relax me or make everything worse. I sighed and placed the glass on the counter and made my way to the pile of gifts on the floor. I gathered them up arranging them in a stack on my rickety night table.

I was so surprised that Edward knew exactly which titles I didn't have. I chalked it up to a pleasant coincidence. However, when he said he knew I didn't dance, it left me feeling slightly unsettled. Maybe it was the wrong choice of words on his part? I wanted to ask him about it, but had forgotten in the confusion of the night.

I couldn't start anything new, it was too late, and my eyes were too tired. I knew the one I wanted to read. It had my favorite paragraph, and now it seemed so pertinent that I felt the need to reexamine the words one by one.

_...an incandescent opal had caressed their passion infused atmosphere, directing each into the throes of wanton delirium. Interlaced lovers blithely consumed by encompassing darkness, a trinity of partners honoring one another in reticent suggestion. Captivated lips that have met and parted meet again, inciting a ardent torrent of lust, urging their bodies to collide and willing their rendered souls to reunite. _

I had read that passage so many times, but tonight as my eyes skimmed the page, all I could think of was Edward and I. How could I have let myself be so selfish? I couldn't allow my damaged and broken self, be attached in any way to someone as beautiful as him.

Alice's party was so incredibly sweet, but being with Jake and Edward in the same room was mentally exhausting. I felt like I was being pulled in two different directions by two opposing feelings, and was about to be ripped in two _very_ unequal pieces. I could see in his steadfast eyes that Edward had something more on his mind than dancing when he practically wrenched me away with his stare. I readily took his hand, thinking that it would allow me the chance to painlessly sever the ties that were fastening themselves between the two of us.

"Doesn't this ever stop?" I asked as we exited the club. I was angry at everything, the rain, the awful morning I had, Jake for being a complete ass and at myself for what I was about to do. I was going to end our friendship, in one quick chop and leave him standing there. I just kept telling myself he would be so much better off.

He told me we could go back in, but I knew if I did, I would lose the nerve and I couldn't afford to live within the realms of another lie. I ordered him to wait, far more forcefully than I knew I was capable of. I looked at the ground trying to regain the nerve and repress the shock of my authoritative tone.

"I can't believe I'm about to do this." And I really couldn't. I didn't want to, but I knew that I should.

I pulled my gaze from the ground and was immediately swept into his eyes. The normally deep sapphire had morphed to shadowed orbs of cerulean, the panicked desperation evident. A pang of fear punctured me, throwing my thoughts entirely off course. I knew that look. It had haunted me for weeks now. Although the eyes in my dream were a dazzling gold-flecked emerald, both sets managed to portray the same unquestionable expression.

My heart flinched. I couldn't bare that to be the last look I saw from him. I couldn't let another set of pained eyes rein over the unyielding parameters of my dreams. I wanted, just once, to be able to follow my intuition instead of doing what I perceived to be 'right'. His eyes were begging me to comfort him, to assure him that I wasn't going to abandon him with nothing more than a wisp of a farewell and a lackluster apology.

I innately knew what action to take, my heart filled with unshakable fortitude and determination. It was everything we both somehow couldn't do without at that moment.

"Please don't hold this against me." My unsure mind forced the words from my overconfident lips. I silently prayed he wouldn't fight me, because this was the only way I knew how to say goodbye to him.

His lips invited mine in warmly, but too quickly they were overpowering. As his fingers threaded into my frizzing strands, the tingling pressure from his lips began to intensify, the lines of innocence blurred under the heat of his mouth. My lips moved with more tenacity as I laced my hand into his soft, thick, coppered hued hair, the motion eliciting a groan of pleasure from him.

_Sexiest fucking sound. Ever. _

Our kiss fast tracked into a lustful exhibition. The pulses of bliss and sin that I had only tasted a hints of had danced on my tongue and mixed greedily with progressively stronger sentiments. Need. Desire. Every pass of his tongue made my blood run hotter. We were close enough that I could feel I wasn't the only one who was becoming increasingly affected and I felt greatly empowered by the knowledge. My hand wove impossibly tighter into his careless, unruly mop. Infused by endless waves of confidence and passion, my tongue aggressively tried to match his movements.

When his hand started roaming down my body, and I couldn't pull away was when I knew I was in way over my head. No one had ever touched me like that, and I knew no one else ever would. Edward had invaded my bloodstream and corrupted my body with his fiery passes against my breast, hip and ass. I'm sure to him it was so minor, but I was losing my mind with it, sighing every time his hand would move to a new location. The next thought I had scared me to death. I didn't want this to end, I wanted it to escalate as fast as possible.

_Fuck me_. My brain practically shouted.

Where the hell did that come from?

_You're a mother, not a nun. _

_Have to stop this. _

_No you don't._

And as if he could somehow sense my flurry of indecision, he pulled away, releasing me from his spell and the internal tug of war I was losing to my body.

I immediately apologized, though I don't why. He said it was amazing, and that I never needed to apologize, which I thought was an odd thing to say, but I didn't dwell on it.

A very probing conversation ensued when he took me back inside. He began asking me about my relationship with Jake, and I answered honestly. It didn't matter at that time that he knew I didn't love Jake. It didn't make what was going on between us any less immoral. I told him he needed to let the notion of "us" go, but he put an effective stop to my arguments, by weaving a trail of erotic kisses up the length of my arm and neck. I could hardly breath let alone come up with a stronger rebuttal.

I promised him I wouldn't shut him out, it was a promise I shouldn't have made. I was still inebriated from his lips and embraces and I most likely would have surrendered anything to him. I know that keeping him in my life, in any capacity was going to cause my conscience to drift, and muddle the lines of fidelity more that it already has, but the mask of desperation had returned as he asked me, and I couldn't deny him anything when he wore it.

The bathwater was tepid, and the glass of red wine consumed before I noticed where I was again.

Night had turned into early morning while I lamented and relished in the opposing feelings that made up my birthday. As I curled up in my bed, and waited for a restful sleep that I knew wouldn't come, I decided right then what I needed to do to in relation to Edward, and it made me heartsick.

ER_

I spent the weekend with my boys. Looking into their beautiful little faces, hearing their innocent questions, and watching them roughhouse with each other made everything seem almost normal. Jake was gone when I woke up the following morning and hadn't returned, which was odd without a note or text message being left. I could care less. However, the boys had been troubled by his absence so I just told them he was working a long weekend out of town. They were used to those, but I hated lying to them.

I dropped them off at school on Monday, hugging each very tightly before letting them wander up the steps and into the sea of wandering children.

My brain was disoriented as I drove into work. I still had no definite plan of detachment and I wasn't sure Edward would be accommodating anyway. I wanted to keep my job, and stay friends with Alice, but shunning her brother might dissolve both faster than I could blink. I would have to chance it, even if I lost everything I had managed to acquire in the last few weeks. It would be worth it.

Alice had acted strange most of the morning, almost like she was anxious. It seemed to come to a peak at twelve-thirty, when she began tapping two perfectly french tipped nails on her desk. I had been watching the clock, hoping to enact the only plan I had come up with, which was to avoid him all together. It was cowardly, but I still hadn't come up with the right words. I knew Edward well enough to know, that if there was any weakness or uncertainty in my voice, he would find it and easily diffuse my argument.

I put the last of the billing invoices in their respective file folders quickly and scurried to the door, a full half hour before he usually showed. I was going to go sit at the sandwich shop that Alice had taken me to on my first day.

"Leaving for a bit." I yelled slipping on my coat. "Need anything?"

Her lips formed into a astute smile and shook her head as she looked back down to her computer. She probably wanted to know why I wasn't waiting for Edward to come by. Surprisingly, she didn't say anything. I pulled the large wooden door open, but my concern along with my gaze, was still lingering on Alice. Her odd behavior had begun to bother me, but I had decided that my friendly inquisition was going to have to wait, as I couldn't risk prolonging my exit.

I turned my attention to the openness of the door when yelp caught in my throat.

"Headed Out?" His velvety question startled me.

_Fuck._

_Why was he here so early?_

_And why did he pick today to wear jeans?_

Time to mentally steel myself away until I can figure out what to say.

"You have a really nasty habit of doing that." I relayed brusquely.

"Doing what?"

"Catching me off guard." I snapped.

He smiled.

"I have to go." I said, trying to to excuse myself.

"I'll come with you."

_Of course you will._

"I'm just getting something to go from the deli."

_So much for your hiding place. _

"I'll walk you over."

I frowned, but he was still smirking.

I didn't know how someone could be so clueless.

"No. Um, why don't you spend some time with Alice? I'll be back shortly." As soon as I figured out how to extract myself from this mess.

It seemed like I was constantly running away from him. I knew it wasn't in either of our best interests, but I felt like I was traveling in the wrong direction.

"Would you like anything?" My perfectly polite inquiry was to be my biggest blunder of the day.

A familiar look spread across his face as he leaned and gave me a an incredibly tender kiss.

"That. For starters."

_Rational thoughts all gone. _

_Have to leave. _

_Wait? What else did he want?_

As the room stilled, he explained himself.

"Secondly, I'd like to take you to lunch."

_Crap_.

_Did he just nonchalantly ask me out?_

"Uh, Edward, I have to talk to you." Even though I still had no idea what to say.

"We can talk over lunch."

_Damn_.

He seemed almost giddy.

_You deserve every bad thing that is ever going to happen to you, Swan. _

"I can't." I argued.

"Yes, you can. Maybe you don't _want_ to?" He was pouting like a child.

_Selfish, Evil, Bitch. _

_I can't do this here. _

"Take a walk with me first?" I was willing myself not to think about it. Just to do it, and it would all be over.

"Okay," he agreed.

He gave a short wave and nod to Alice. She looked at us intently as he placed his hand on the small of my back and guided me out the door. They seemed to have this unspoken language that passed wordlessly between the two. I wondered if it was just them, or if all siblings were that connected. I hoped the boys would be even half that close when they were adults.

Edward and I walked together at least twenty yards down the patchily damp sidewalk before I had enough will to begin speaking. The words I was trying to form were hazy at best. I couldn't think very well while he was touching me.

"I'm sorry," I began shakily, "but I can't see you anymore."

His pace slowed, but he was still walking with me, like I hadn't spoken. I was losing my resolve to do it by the step.

"Did...you hear me?" I stumbled over the horrid question.

"Yes." He affirmed lightly.

"I hope you can understand, it really is for the best." I knew the rational side of me wash cheering, but the rest of me wanted to cut my own tongue out.

I was thinking he would stop and finally look at me, flashing me a dejected look before walking back alone, but he only gripped me firmly around the waist. A veiled pleasure played in his lustrous eyes. I became upset with his feigned idiocy.

"Edward? Are you even listening to what I'm saying?"

His poorly hidden amusement spread slowly over his features and finally found its way to his sculpted lips.

_Why was he smiling?_

_Maybe he was just as cornered as I was?_

The thought made my chest hurt. I had found out from Alice that he wasn't married, nor seriously involved with anyone, but maybe he did have someone in New York that he was fond of.

"I'm listening." He confirmed. The amusement ebbing into his speech.

"Then perhaps you don't understand?"

"Perfectly, actually."

I was beyond confused. I was trying to give him some dignity and not spell it out for him in capital letters, but he insisted on playing the ignorance card. If he was going to pretend not to understand what I was trying to do, I was going to have to physically show him. I removed his hand from around my waist and pleaded for him to finally get it and stop walking through my brush off.

"Edward. Please acknowledge what I'm telling you."

"I have, but you don't mean it. So, I'm not going to respond."

_Denial specialist. _

"I _do_ mean this Edward." I said as seriously as I could. " I'm a mother, and I am not going to risk my boys happiness on a fling."

A dash of comprehension tore at his features.

"Do you honestly think that is what this is to me?"

_No. It sounded good in my head though. _

"What else would it be? We've known each other for all of three weeks." I knew it had no merit. I felt the lie hanging in the saturated air, calling me out.

_I was terrible at this. _

He chuckled.

"Bella, think about what you said. If that's all this was to me, I would have walked away the night you rejected me on Alice's porch."

The sound of my hand slapping his face thundered in my ears. I closed my eyes and trembled at the memory. He was right, there was an unfathomably deep connection that had possessed me entirely from the minute I met him and that intensified every time we were together and it wasn't just sexual attraction.

"Edward-" I began, but he abruptly cut me off and stopped our processional to nowhere by pulling my hand into his.

"Bella, I'm not letting you break your promise." He affirmed squeezing my hand. My pulse raced as the electricity moved up my arm.

_Dammit. How did he do that?_

I was drifting and I needed to get back on course.

"I don't think that-" but he didn't let me finish.

"Shh. Isabella."

My lip quivered as he moved in closing the small gap between us.

"Stop using this." he instructed pressing a cool finger to my temple. "It's useful, but only in matters of logic or the occasional math problem." My forehead tingled.

A crooked grin appeared on his face, but was gone as he spoke again.

"This" he said, placing his firm palm under the lapel of my coat and over my rapidly beating heart, "is far more enlightened."

_The pitfalls of being involved with a romance novelist. _

How was I supposed to argue with that? The cliché wasn't lost on me, and if anyone else would have said that to me I would have laughed, but I was still trying to catch my breath. It's like he had a completely clear window of my inner workings and knew how to wind up any part he wanted, but I wasn't intimidated. It made me feel blessed and safe, and I didn't want to give up the feelings, or him, but my desire to conserve his stability was stronger.

I squeezed his lax hand and looked up into his eyes unsure of how to continue.

"I don't want to hurt you."

"Then don't." His plea welded me to the spot and halted my heart to a standstill. I would hurt him no matter what I did at this point. The opportunity to protect him had passed, and somehow I missed it. I didn't understand how it was already gone, but there was nothing I could do in order to recapture it.

I nodded in concession. I didn't have any more fight left in me and I think he sensed it. This was going to progress, no matter what I did or said. The feelings of guilt and chaos bombarded me, but a larger, more readily accepted, sense of serenity kept them bubbling under.

He pulled me around the waist again, locking our right hands together, the sounds of city traffic and our scuffing feet echoed off the buildings. As we rounded the far corner of the long row of businesses, two things were revealed; a dead end and his rented silver Volvo.

This whole time I thought I had been leading him, but he'd been leading me, exactly where he wanted me. I flashed him a dubious glare and he responded with deliciously scandalous grin as he walked me to the passenger door. I rolled my eyes. He always seemed to be ten steps ahead of me, and I couldn't shake the suspicion that there was considerably more to him than I realized.

"Where are you taking me?" I meant so much more than just lunch, and today, but in general. The whole paradigm of my life had seemed to shift with this one conversation and I wondered what he thought was going to happen next. I presumed he would take the meaning literally and explain his plan for the afternoon.

"Anywhere you ask me to." The devoted conviction with which he spoke sparked and flamed in his astoundingly rapt eyes. There was no double meaning, he had inexplicably answered the unspoken questions of my heart in five simple words.

That's when I realized that he had me. All of me. Before I even met him he had infiltrated the darkest places of my heart, begrudgingly keeping it open and functioning when I wished it to permanently seize. Part of me had always hated him for it. I hated being affected so much by the promise of a romance that I would never find. Now, amazingly, as if life had smiled upon me and condemned me in the same twist of serendipity, he was here, fulfilling the promise in person.

**A/N: Sorry this took a while. I discovered the addictiveness of Twitter-and some really awesome people-so I'm using them as scapegoats. :) Oh, and if you have a beef with my grammar or spelling-don't flame me for it.**

**This is shorter than I usually go, but I felt too much going on here to keep it going. I have a pretty good handle on the next chapter- so should be up soon-ish. **

**Follow me on Twitter: eveningrainjlho**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters, nor do I have any affiliation with Pixar. Any copyright infringement is fully unintended. The storyline is fully mine though, and I'd like to keep it that way. Thanks. **

BPOV

Dying is peaceful. I had experienced it so often in my dreams over the last few months, that I was quite sure that when my actual death came, it wouldn't be difficult to let go. Sailing away from the earth and my useless body on dark waves of isolation to embrace the endless abyss, would be effortless.

The dreams had begun with small details, hazy fragments of events I couldn't put into context. They had morphed now, slowly creating a picture of calamity that I was powerless to stop. Or survive.

I was always fighting off the same attacker, in the same dark dingy room. Nothing looked current, everything around me was from a time period I could not place. Dark grey, deep set eyes, possessed with rage and indignity appear in an unknown hardened face. His tight hands grasped my arms, boney fingers digging distressingly into my wrists. I could see his mouth moving, but no sound came out, like a silent film with no subtitles. I could feel myself being thrown about like a rag doll, slamming into walls under his strength, his rough hands groping my body in ways that sickened me. I pushed against him, but I was no match against his fortitude or depravity.

Then the scene shifts and I am lying in blood, gasping for air, as I futilely try to cover the mysteriously acquired stab wounds. I never get to see the events that lead to my injuries, not that I think I would want to. I could only lie still as the malachite eyes, pained and desperate, sobbed, and the voice of a stranger begged for my pity and for me to stay.

Last night though, the scene altered, reigniting the terror that I had been able to keep at bay. I fought against the darkness for an infinite time, taking the last look that I was permitted. The once constant green eyes, were absent, replaced with a charged electric blue, glowing eerily in a face I recognized. His voice was exceedingly louder than his predecessor's, and it wasn't Charlotte's name in his anguished calls. It was mine.

My bedroom was still dark, the only sound was my rapid breaths and my thrumming heart echoing in my ears. I grasped for the switch of my table lamp and flicked it on, illuminating the room. I felt ridiculous as I spied the familiar surroundings. It was the same place, the same bed, in my same house with my two small boys sleeping down the hall. Then why didn't I feel the same? Why did I have to get used to the horrific nightly repeats only to have them change on me? I couldn't think about anything other than Edward's face and his dream fabricated pleas.

As my breathing slowed, I justified that Edward's appearance in my nightmare was due to our near constant contact. He was almost like my shadow, immersing himself into my life as seamlessly as one, like he had always been there.

We weren't acting how people who are having affair normally would. There was no impropriety or least it didn't feel that way. I wasn't sleeping with him, but we we're far outside the definition of "friendship". My body was still conspiring against my brain, and the last shred of morality and character was being grated on every time I saw him.

I felt like a teenager, sneaking kisses and embraces when no one was looking, keeping especially vigilant to keep the boys in the dark. Alice offered to watch them for me, but I couldn't take her up on it. I would think she would be appalled at my behavior, but she seemed extremely happy for us, as did Jasper. It was overwhelming to consider a date other than lunch with him. He was the only one in my heart, but I wasn't ready to cross some of the bigger lines that would topple the crumbling walls of my old life. I wanted to do this properly, but Jake had to be home first.

I thought about Edward's amazing smile, and the way, no matter where he touched me, the spikes of electricity would scamper over my skin. The way he looks at me, like my existence is implicit to his being, the intensity and insanity of it rendering me speechless at times.

My eyes closed, I could see my heart stop beating as I imagined what it would be like when he left me. There would be no recovery from that, but I couldn't let myself live with the delusion that this kind of happiness could last forever. I knew it would end, I just didn't know when.

I turned off the light again, relaxing into the fluffy covers and pillow top mattress, trying not to think about the later, but only the now. My heavy eyes dropped closed again and I thought of Edward as I drifted off to sleep.

ER_

"We can take them to the movies!" Alice chirped out, while she, Jasper and I relaxed on her couch after taking the boys mini golfing.

Jake had been gone for nearly two weeks and the boys were really starting to become upset that he hadn't been around. Alice and I had been thinking of ways to cheer them up.

I had a suspicion of where he might have taken off to, and I was glad he was gone dealing with it, but I disliked how miserable they seemed without him.

For the first time, I was agitated that he wasn't home. I needed to talk to him, my feelings for Edward were enough, that I couldn't live in the lie anymore. Even when Edward left, I would still want to have my freedom back. No one would ever have to know anything about the last several years of my life and I could start over.

"They'll love that! I'll take Nate along too, of course. "

Alice shook he head slightly. "I was thinking Jasper and I would take the three of them. " Jasper smiled at me.

"You guys don't have to do that Al, I'll go."

"I think Edward wants to talk to you about something tonight." She gave me a halfhearted smile.

I shrank back in my seat looking out to orange sunlight that was falling away from the earth. The fading rays stretching and clamoring their way through the nearly skeletal trees, trying to hang on.

A pit welled in my stomach.

"Oh. Are you sure? Mine can be a handful," I distractedly appealed.

"I'm sure they'll be good for 'Aunt' Alice," she joked.

Aunt Alice. I wished she hadn't had dubbed herself that. She felt so comfortable intwining our families, like it wasn't going to end. She had to realize as I had, that this "non affair" between Edward and I was going to be temporary. He was a bestselling author, based out of New York and I was a housewife anchored here in Seattle. It was only a matter of time before someone besides me realized it, and I had a feeling Edward already had. He'd been on and off the phone all week, taking calls in other rooms and coming back agitated. He tried his best not to seem preoccupied around me, but I could tell something was bothering him. Even as Alice and I spoke, he was off in his room making a call.

"I was thinking they could spend the night tonight? Nate has been begging to have a sleepover."

"Sounds nice. I'll have to go home and drop some things off for them."

"Great. I'll go get tickets printed out."

Before I knew it, the van was pulling out of the driveway. Alice and Jasper were toting the boys to the latest Pixar film, and I was alone with Edward.

I closed the garage door as he arrived at the landing of the staircase. He looked rattled, holding a large manila envelope in his right hand.

Why would he possibly need that? I hoped he hadn't written out his reasons for leaving, because I already had my own list. He placed it down on the kitchen table not taking his eyes off me. The fear I felt was staring back at me in them.

"Bella, I don't know how to say this without hurting you on some level."

"Just say it, Edward." I couldn't hide my sadness, but there was no use in a drawn out goodbye. The last few weeks had been fantastic, but I couldn't blame him for wanting to get back to his real life.

Nothing could have prepared me for what he was about to say.

"Jacob, isn't the person you believe him to be."

"What?" I could feel an uneasiness invade my stomach.

"He's been lying to you."

"According to who?" I asked irritated. My breaths were coming quicker now.

He began pacing. I knew he only did that when he was nervous or flustered. I was starting to hyperventilate.

"The investigator I hired." His eyes darted to the ground as he said it, looking almost ashamed.

_Edward, you didn't._

_Please don't let this be happening._

"You had no right to do that!" I yelled at him, though it was more out of fear than anger.

"I had every right!" he blurted out.

_What made him think he had some type of possession over me?_

_Why would he want it?_

"You couldn't just leave it alone," I cried, "Why?"

"I had my reasons."

"What reasons! It wasn't just enough to be in my life anymore? You had to hire someone to root around in Jake's business?" I was so scared, I could barely hold my words together. "I hope you found what you were looking for, because you're the only one who cares." I said giving him a heated glare.

_I didn't want to know what he had found. _

_I could only pray he wouldn't tell me. _

"You don't care that your husband has spent most of your marriage fucking other women!"

My stomach churned.

"You're crazy!" I yelled.

_God. Please let him stop now. _

"I have proof, Bella." He said holding up the envelope.

My lip was starting to tremble and the contents of my stomach were vying to escape.

"That's enough!" I screamed. I couldn't listen to anymore of it.

I was convinced he was intent on killing me.

"There is a woman in Phoenix that claims he is the father of her six week old child!"

I collapsed into a chair, my body shuddering uncontrollably. I thought I had stopped breathing, but I was just shuddering so hard that I couldn't catch a breath. The free flowing tears had stung mercilessly.

"Holly." Was all I could manage to say.

"Who?"

"The..woman..her name is Holly." I felt too ill to continue sitting there exposing the sickness that had infected my life. I ran to the bathroom and proceed too expel everything that would leave me. The tears, the denial, the pain, the guilt all seemed to have accumulated within my stomach and desperately wanted out.

I rinsed out with some stolen mouthwash from the shelve, refusing to look in the oval mirror that hung above the pedestal sink. I didn't know if I could ever look at myself again without hating the woman I saw there.

He was waiting for me outside the bathroom door when I emerged.

"Are you alight?"

"'Alright' is a relative term," I hissed. I walked around him stiffly and sprinted into the dinning room to find my purse, he followed quickly behind.

"We need to talk."

"There's nothing left to say." I wanted to do anything other than be with him right now. The fact that someone, especially him, knew pieces of what I had been hiding for years, was more than I could handle.

"You knew?" His shock evident.

"About which part?" I was not even pretending to do this with him.

His voice elevated. "Any of it!"

"Of course I knew! I'm naïve not stupid, Edward!" I was frantically looking through my purse for my keys.

"Christ Bella! How could you let him do that!"

_He did not just ask me that. _

"Do what! I yelled losing grip, "_Let_ him _fuck_ everybody that wasn't me!" my voice raised and the tears were starting to come again, but I pushed through, " _Let_ him be stupid enough to knock up one of the countless women!"

I knew I was on the verge of complete a breakdown, but I had to say it, "Or that I _let_ him be so in control of my life that I pretend I don't know anything!"

My tears fell, but not out of sadness. Allowing some of my real thoughts and emotions come to the surface was extremely cathartic. His intense stare made me feel incredibly exposed, like he was prying into the most private parts of my psyche and trying to piece the broken fragments together.

"Why would you stay in a marriage to someone like that!" He shouted hostilely.

"I made a promise to him," I explained calmly, "Just because he broke his didn't mean I could break mine." I realized the irony, I had already broken my promises to Jake and wanted to break the final one too.

"It's fucking piece of paper Bella! It only means something if you want it to. It doesn't mean anything to him! You can't be in a marriage alone!"

My calm tone did nothing to abate his flaring temper. Why was he so upset? This was my life and my mistake.

"Well, I didn't see things like that! I vowed to love, honor and obey until death do us part. Since I failed at the first three, I figured I owed him the 'till death part!" I countered reluctantly, unsure how much more I should really say.

"Do you even hear yourself?" He mounted two strong trembling hands around my biceps, searching my eyes for a clarity he couldn't find, "It didn't kill you to know that the _one_ person you promised to spend your life with, doesn't love you? Or you him?"

I failed to contain a snicker.

He looked at me as if I had gone crazy.

"You are so innocent, Edward," I scoffed.

His expression shifted from disconcerted angst to one of bemusement.

"This isn't one of your books!" I struck hard, poking the fire that was already burning white hot in the room, "This is reality. There is no hero, villain , damsel in distress dynamic. People are flawed, convoluted, and corrupt creatures. Love and marriage aren't copacetic partners that flow together naturally!" He opened his mouth to interject, but I wasn't finished, "The idea of soul mates and epic love are beautiful concepts, but fictional! Reality is not that convenient or accommodating."

He was wearing the same look of dejection as when I slapped him, except now his entire body was vibrating with it.

"I'm well aware of how cruel reality can be, Bella!" he shot back, "I'm far from innocent! You have no _idea_ how far off base you are right now!" I was off base with my assessment of reality? I think not.

"Well, forgive me for being jaded," I spat.

"How can you still be jaded! What about us?" I didn't think he could still possibly want to have anything to do with me considering what he knew.

"Is there still an 'us'?" The question caused a lump to form in my throat and my heart to spasm radically.

"There'll always be an 'us', Bella."

A few unhindered tears rolled from the corner of my eye. I was stunned that he still wanted me, when I had nothing to offer him, but damaged goods that were still technically off limits.

"Why couldn't you just tell me?" he asked, calmer now.

I shook my head. What did he expect?

"Yes, let's have_ that_ conversation," I said sarcastically. I was still in overdrive, the pent up adrenaline needed an outlet. I walked into the living room trying to get a handle on the excess energy. His footfalls echoed behind me.

"Let's," he said, motioning to the couch.

I threw him a nasty look.

"Yes, let's go over the finer points of my husband's man-whore tenancies, and my inability to keep him happy," I said bluntly.

"This isn't your fault."

I huffed.

"I certainly didn't help it."

I'd known Jake since we were toddlers. Our families were friends, it was always indirectly implied that him and I would be together someday. We went out on a couple dates during high school, but we just didn't click, we were friends and it was awkward. We dated other people, but shortly after high school ended, his dad had become ill, and I moved in with the two of them in order to help out. We started spending a lot of time together, eventually going on a few decent dates and started sleeping together. Everything had just been mediocre, at par with the rest of my uneventful life, and at the time, that was all I had ever expected.

It wasn't a sweet proposal, he asked me casually over dinner, making it into a joke. "Since you're living here, and cooking everything we should probably get married," he laughed.

Within a short time, his dad passed, Adrien was born and Jake was no longer the child I had grown up with, but the man I had married. I didn't really think about it. It was what it was and I had made my bed and was prepared to lie in it, so to speak. I knew he'd been unfaithful, and had lied to me repeatedly, but I wasn't sure if it really mattered. I didn't love him, and he hadn't touched me in years, except on the night of my most recent birthday. I didn't realize how truly lonely I had been until I had met Edward, and just how sick the relationship between Jake and I truly was.

"You can't change people like that." Edward justified, bringing me out of my memories.

Jake's father would be mortified, as would my own if he knew what Jake had become, or what I had become for that matter.

"I didn't want to be that person. No matter how much Jake fooled around. I promised myself I wouldn't become like him," I mumbled.

"You're nothing like him." He came closer to the corner of the room I was holding up.

"Yes, I am. I broke my promise to be faithful when I kissed you. Then I kept seeing you, knowing what I was doing."

"You can't fight fate, love."

I gasped. There was so much weight behind what he just said, it practically knocked me over. I stared at him expectantly, waiting for an explanation, but he didn't offer one.

"How did you find out about Holly?" He quickly diverted.

I had found out about Holly on my birthday.

_Jake was still snoring when I spied him on the couch. I quietly started getting out paper filters, and putting in the freeze dried crystals that would eventually constitute coffee. The phone rang and an unknown number displayed across the caller ID. It was a Phoenix area code. _

"_Hello?" I answered timidly on the first ring, not that it would wake him, but I didn't want to risk it. _

"_Hi. Is Jacob Black there?" _

"_I'm sorry, he's asleep. Can I take a message for you?" I answered, taking the phone into the family room. _

"_Can you just tell him Holly called?" I rolled my eyes, shaking my head in annoyance. _

_I don't know what made me do it, but I was tired and maybe a little distraught that one of his tarts had gotten my home number all the way in Seattle, but I just snapped. _

"_Well, this is his wife, is there anything I can help you with?"_

_I expected her to get scared and hang up, but she surprised me. _

"_Uh, Can you please, ugh," she stuttered out, "Is there any way you can get him to call me back?" She sounded frightened but determined. _

_I was starting to get pissed. _

"_What for!" I asked clearly going over my own boundaries. _

"_I just, wanted to tell him that, he um, has a daughter," she said quickly._

_I closed my eyes and bit the side of my mouth as to not scream or to run into the other room bludgeon him to death. _

_Stupid fucking prick. _

"_Oh." I was briefly struck mute. _

"_I'm sorry, I just needed him to know." She sounded so young. _

"_How old are you?" It was the only question I could articulate._

"_Nineteen.." God. She wasn't even old enough to drink._

"_I'll give you his cell number so you can tell him yourself." _

I relayed all the sorted details, freely admitting how much of a doormat I had been.

"Bella, I don't even know what to say."

I crossed my arms turning away from him, trying to wipe the tears out of my eyes.

"You don't have to say anything. I know I owe you an apology. I tried so hard to keep you away from my mess of a life, but I wasn't strong enough. I'm sorry."

He moved to stand behind me. "I told you before, you never have to apologize to me and I wasn't going anywhere, regardless."

_So damn stubborn._

"Yes, I do. All of this is my fault," I didn't comprehend how he could think that I didn't owe him an apology. It was becoming an annoying theme. "You shouldn't want to be anywhere near me."

"Bella, look at me," he said curling his fingers around my shoulder. I bit my lip and turned to face him, though I knew I was going to hate the look I saw in his eyes. I couldn't deal with anything remotely sympathetic, but there wasn't any. It was only relief, and acceptance that shone back. The tension and distress that had been steadily building over the week had gone.

"I'll always want to be near you."

I loved how he always knew what to say, but his accuracy was still mildly disconcerting. I giggled at the next thought.

_Maybe he can read your mind._

_That would explain a lot actually._

"I thought you were going to break up with me and head back to New York," I replied, instead of voicing my craziness.

He cocked an eyebrow at me and let our an exasperated sigh before pulling me into his arms. "Bella, why would you think that?"

"I was under the impression that you lived there," I joked. He wasn't amused.

"Not anymore."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "What?"

"I'm staying in Seattle." He placed a placating kiss on my forehead. I glanced up at him through my lashes, a satisfied, almost smug expression upon his chiseled face. I was overwhelmed by a flurry of emotions, the dominant one being panic.

I shook my head. "I can't let you do that."

"It's already been done. My condo is already on the market."

"Where will you stay?" How could he be serious?

"Alice has made it perfectly clear that I'm welcome to stay with her, but I'll probably rent an apartment in the city, until I find something more permanent."

I was dumbfounded. What he was saying just didn't process.

"What about your writing? Your books? Don't you have a publisher to answer to?"

He gave me a sideways glance. "I can write from anywhere," he paused, "Did you _want_ me to go back?" His tone teasing.

I frowned. I wanted him more than anything to stay, but I didn't want to be selfish. It seemed like he was giving up too much. What if we didn't work out? We hadn't even slept together and he was uprooting his life. I wondered if I would ever figure out why he had this weird obsession with me.

_Try asking him._

_Do you really want to know?_

"Of course not." I finally answered him. I laughed, feeling ridiculous for doing so, but unable help it. As much as Edward had been with me, and as deep as our connection, I didn't believe until right now, that I would be permitted to keep him. All my secrets were out and he still wanted me, he was either insane or in...

No. I couldn't think the words. I had never been in love. I don't even know what that felt like, let alone what it looked like on another person. It's such a short time period, certainly something like _that_ didn't develop so quickly. My lack of previous experience with the feeling was not helping me at all.I loved my children immensely, more than I had ever thought it possible to love anything. More than my own life, but I didn't know what love between two people truly felt like. I knew the infatuation I was feeling was real and lingering, strong, but that was all for right now.

_For right now?_

I snapped my mind back.

"This doesn't make any sense. There's people with less baggage. You could find someone so much better for you."

"There is no one better for me than you, Bella." His sincerity never faltered, there was no doubt he knew exactly how he felt about me.

I bit my lip, hesitating with a response, significantly overrun with a million little insecurities nagging at me.

"Isabella, please don't try to refute what I'm telling you," his eyes implored my heart to take over my thinking again. He brought my shaking hand to rest on his taut chest over his fiercely beating heart.

"This only beats because you're breathing." His assertion immutable and thick with adoration.

I blushed. My cheeks were blazingly uncomfortable and the rest of my skin heated in concert. His confidence would be my undoing.

Tight encircling arms, drew me in to him crushing me in the urgency. He pulled back the hair from my ear and whispered, "Believe. Believe me, love."

His soft spoken words, traveled along with the electricity of our embrace and played across my body as accomplished pianist fingers would flutter over two toned keys. Flawlessly stroking every note of a melody that he knew too well. My heart ached under the cadence of his sacrosanct lullaby and I blinked back fruitless tears.

I took a new vow right then. I was going to stop believing that I didn't deserve him. He was here, committing and tying his life to mine, not only fulfilling the promise but infusing it will all the magic and intricacies of a fairytale. I wouldn't be his damsel, but he had already dubbed me his unparalleled queen.

I wasn't just someone's possession, I was his passion.

I didn't know how any of this was going to work out, with the boys, or his relocation. It was all happening far too fast, but for some inexplicable reason it felt like it was always supposed to be this way.

"I'm leaving him," I said into his neck, inhaling the rugged, angelic sent of my future.

"Thank God." He wrapped me impossibly tighter and buried his face in my hair, running his hands over the wavy mess. All the pieces of my fractured heart fused together like cooling candle wax. Reforming to be relit once again, or rather for the first time.

"And not because of tonight," I clarified, " I've wanted to for weeks now."

" I don't care what it was, Bella. I just want you to be far away from him as possible."

"I just want to tell him in person that it's over."

"He's been in Phoenix, we can be there in a few hours." I wasn't sure if he was joking, but there was an edge to his voice that told me he wasn't.

"How do you..the investigator..." I figured out on my own. At least I hoped that was it. I knew he was most likely there, handling the situation with Holly and his _daughter_. The word made me internally flinch. Who knows what else he was doing out there, or who, I didn't care anymore.

He smiled sheepishly.

"I feel exceedingly guilty that you went through all that trouble," I confessed.

"Would you have told me if I hadn't?"

"No, probably not."

"Then it was worth it."

"I was already going to leave him," I pouted.

"It's a moot point, Bella. I would do anything to make sure you are safe."

Safe? That wasn't exactly what I had been expecting. Did he believe Jake to be dangerous?

"Jake is an ass, but he's harmless." I said convincingly, though I knew that wasn't always the case. Exorbitant amounts of liquor were more than intoxicating for him, he feels empowered by it. He had never gotten physical with me, but I know he gets violent while drunk. The few times I've had to pick him up from the police station for being drunk and disorderly, were less than pleasant. Not that it mattered, I wouldn't be around long enough to have to worry about that again.

Edward sighed heavily and grasped me tighter. "The sooner he's out of your life the better."

"Did your _brilliant_ investigator say anything about when he might return?"

He shook his head.

"Then I'll have to wait until he comes back."

"Just call him."

I looked at him exasperated. "That's not how I want to handle this. I'm not a teenager breaking up with her boyfriend."

"You could write him a letter," he proposed.

I giggled. "Writing isn't my specialty."

He chuckled and kissed me on he neck. "I could write it, but I'm sure your sentiments would get lost in my translation."

"A 'Dear John' letter isn't exactly your strength."

We laughed together, it was an amazingly melodic sound.

"Besides, a few more days won't kill me."

His body tensed at my words and he retracted a bit, taking my face gently in his firm hands.

"Please, if you value my sanity, don't talk like that." His eyes bore into mine, acutely injured.

I wanted to say I was sorry for upsetting him, but I knew that any apology from me was going to rile him further, so I just nodded. He had so many sensitivities that I had to yet understand, but any type of harm coming to me bothered him the most.

His tension quickly abated, along with my apprehension, tight arms encircling me once more. I took a minute to stare at him, glimpsing the adoring eyes within a beatific face.

He gathered the hair that had been falling into my eyes, and kissed my cheekbone. I quivered. His soft lips claiming all the sensitive areas of my face, my jawbone, the corner of my mouth, my temple, my eyelids. Each one a sensual indenturing apology that hopped to erase an invisible sin.

The living room was veiled in the last of the evening light, scant streams shone on his face highlighting the perfection.

Repentant kisses were swiftly changing from stamps of sorrow, to stings of seduction that trailed up and down my neck. He brought his face back up to mine lingering it there, his hot breath breaking over my senses, my breathing hitched when his tongue ran over his bottom lip.

His lust dominated eyes pulled me into him, shielding me safe inside the moat of midnight blue that guarded his soul. Chords of connectivity started fastening us to various parts of one another, fibrous, thick and indestructible.

Our lips met like they had so many times before, but there was no hindrance there. My brain wasn't fighting with my conscience any longer. His tongue swept into my mouth, his taste had changed, the burn of sin replaced with a blithe righteousness. I wanted to feel every part of him. The parts I had already had, and the ones I 'd only dreamed about when I was alone and inhibited by my skewed moral compass. He was my reality now.

His mouth left mine allowing me to take breath, his lips skimmed my jaw then kissed down my neck again, he wasn't holding back. I tried to get in a few breaths but they were staggered, and almost stopped when he started sucking a small area of skin, gentle enough not to leave a mark, but intense enough to cause me to moan. My hand faded into my favorite spot in his hair, gripping the soft strands gently with my fingers. His mouth moved to my shoulder, brushing my collar bone and working his way back up the other side of my neck, letting his mouth linger by my ear, caressing the lobe with is lips. I couldn't breath.

A warm hand traveled up under the hem of my shirt, slowly inching up my stomach, delicate fingers gliding over my ribs and up to my breasts, the sparks of his persuasion lingering in the wake. It took every ounce of self control I had to speak.

"Edward we have to stop," I said reluctantly.

_We do?_

"Why?" he questioned breathlessly.

I smiled at his whiney tone. "Because, I don't want to be _that_ person. It's bad enough, I'm _this _person."

He frowned. "If you're opposed to flying to Phoenix, we could drive, but it'll take longer."

"Please, Edward. Just let me talk to Jake first and then I'm all yours," I said smiling.

"You were already all mine," he said seriously wrapping me up in his arms, starting to kiss me again.

"I should probably get going."

"So we _are_ going to Phoenix?" he asked hopefully.

"No._ I'm_ going home and getting some stuff together for the boys so they can spend the night here." I informed him, begrudgingly attempting to extricate myself from his presence.

He was pouting again. "I should go with you."

"I'll be right back." I reassured.

"I really don't want you going alone."

I was starting to get flustered. I didn't see the harm of him coming with me exactly, but if for some reason Jake had returned, I wanted the opportunity to talk to him. Plus, Edward had to learn that I wasn't some fragile child who needed constant vigilance, it would get annoying really quickly.

"I'll be fine. I have my cell, so please relax."

"Okay." He pursed his lips in a hard line, looking at me strangely.

I attempted to kiss him chastely goodbye, but he grasped me further trying to deepen the kiss.

"The sooner I go, the sooner I can come back." I said trying to encourage him to let me leave.

"Are you spending the night too?" He smirked.

I rolled my eyes and gave him a playful shove. That wouldn't be appropriate at all, but just to mess with him, I shrugged my shoulders, and said "We'll see." before I headed for the door.

ER_

I arrived to the house in no time. I barely remember driving there, as I was still preoccupied with what was happening. Blessedness was coursing through my veins, pumping through the marrow of my bones, and my soul, finally breathing. As I floated through the boys rooms and the bathroom, picking up toothbrushes and nightclothes, a genuine grin made itself at home on my face.

I was humming while I placed the boys things in a duffel bag, looking at their little drawings, hung up with bits of tape. There was one of our whole family happy and out in the sun, in front of our old house in Phoenix. Vibrant colors painted our faces, the red of our mouths, the powder blue sky and the circular whorls of orange and canary yellow that made up the sun. I stopped smiling immediately, as I felt a pang of regret stab me. I wondered how the boys would color me when I left their father. How distorted my face would be, or if they would even draw me at all. I cringed. I envisioned the charcoal grey and the coal black they would use to color the clouds of upheaval with which I was about to mar their perfect picture.

I knew my storm clouds had been lifted, melted away by the warm colors of Edward, but it wasn't fair to drop them into their sky. I had created this perfect world for them, the one where everyone had a smile plastered to their face, and the sun shown down on them. I had projected my falsified shades of joy around them, to keep them safe and secure in a childhood that held innocence. They were my only light for so long, I hoped they would forgive me for my selfishness.

A last pair of superhero underwear and bundle of white socks went into the bag and I began to zip it up when I felt eyes on the back of my head.

I hadn't heard him come through the front door or his footsteps as they tromped up the hall, but I could smell him, or at least the stench of the alcohol that wafted off of him.

Gulping down my fear, I turned to see his disheveled form in the dark hallway, an eerie placidness glazed his in his too rigid face.

"Hey, Jake."

**A/N: I'm sorry this took so long. I really have no excuse-so I apologize and beg for forgiveness. I am only partially apologetic for the cliffy though...*smirk* I'm sure I'm gonna get flamed for this chapter anyway- so have at it! **

**A Huge THANK YOU to all of you wonderful people that have been reviewing/and or pimping me out on Twitter. I Love you! **

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	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: All recognizable characters, settings, story (play), or music references are owned by their respective authors/creators. The story line is owned by me, and I prefer to keep it that way. No copyright infringement is intended. **

EPOV

I laid awake watching as her body rose and fell with sleep. Her pale skin glinting in the rays of an unrivaled morning sun. Tendrils of auburn hair splayed wildly over her face and twirled down her back. Highlights of scarlet and amber revealed by the glimmer of the brightening day, formed a fiery tapestry within her silky strands.

The sight of the peaceful beauty next to me upon waking made me believe that I was still blissfully swathed in a dream. Unable to resist, I glided two fingers over her exposed shoulder, she smiled and shifted under the down comforter, but didn't wake.

Every seemingly insufferable life I had spent without her, had been made up for with this moment. She hummed in her sleep as I thought about how things could have turned out very differently.

I had been pestering the investigator Jasper recommended, almost incessantly. He'd been e-mailing me everything he could find, which wasn't much and I was frazzled by it. There were small pieces of random information; a credit card receipt, a motel invoice, all things that could be too easily excused. Her very life was on the line and there was nothing more than circumstantial evidence that I could gather.

In addition, Adrien's and Josh's thoughts were growing more upsetting with the passing days. They missed their father, which saddened me. How could anyone just leave their children without so much as a word? It wasn't until the investigator had tracked Jacob's trail to a small suburb of Phoenix, and had emailed me Holly's information and a copy of her infant daughter's birth certificate that things became clear. At least to me.

My assumption that Bella was clueless as to how her husband conducted himself, was entirely misguided.

I had started off gently, hoping to soften the presumably devastating hit to her innocence. She was immediately defensive and commenced to censure me for my actions. To her, it was overbearing and invasive, and even though I should have, I wasn't of a mind to explain myself beyond evasive answers.

Bella was thoroughly unaware how much danger she was putting herself in by cocooning herself in a chrysalis of defiance, and I had to immediately remove her from it.

I grew desperately ornery while I relayed what little I knew, closing with what I thought, would finally collapse her formidable film of dismissal.

When she told me the young girl's name, I was stunned.

To discover she already knew and had allowed herself to be subjected to it, irreparably damaged me. Her thinking of herself as anything other than exulted, made me feel like even more a failure.

I attempted to talk to her about it when she emerged from the restroom, but she blew me off, claiming she had nothing to say. I was still in shock as I asked her heated questions which she did not seem inclined to answer.

"Christ Bella! How could you let him do that!" I questioned, completely unhinged.

She answered me, defensively, the pieces of her imprisoned psyche falling around us like broken glass, shattering with each confession.

"Why would you stay in a marriage to someone like that!" I retorted roughly. I was still unable to get a hold on my untempered anger. Though, I wasn't angry with her, but myself.

_How could you have let her be in a marriage like that?_

Watching her tears fall, and hearing her nonsensical explanations of perverse loyalty and obligation, tortured me.

"Do you even hear yourself!" I responded desperately, "It didn't kill you to know that the _one_ person you promised to spend your life with, doesn't love you? Or you him?"

I searched her eyes, for a understanding, a reconciliation of her senses, anything that would clue me into her state of mind. Something that would dictate that my arguments were having an impact, but I saw nothing confirming. At my last coercion, her black pupils widened in her resentful bright eyes, and a wry laugh tripped from her lips.

She lashed out, accusing me of being innocent. Each of her assertions wounded me, tiny daggers tipped with a noxious poison. Lines of bitterness flew from her mouth, she believed soul mates were fictional. To the average person I supposed that would be a general consensus, but we were not average people. I fought hard to hold onto my temper and my dejection, but her verbal lashing cut across every fiber that I thought had refastened between us.

How I wished I was as innocent as she claimed. She had said the stories sounded familiar. How could she be so completely dismissive of them? I was disheartened, but remained levelheaded. There was no memory behind them for her, only a familiarity, not enough to make them seem real. I doubted relaying the truth to her at that junction would do anything to change her view. I barked back my contrite rebuttal, wishing I could change all her misconceptions.

"I'm well aware of how cruel reality can be, Bella!" I argued, "I'm far from innocent! You have no _idea_ how far off base you are right now!" Of course, she didn't.

"Well, forgive me for being jaded," she defended crossly .

I thought back over the last several weeks. Wondering what I might have done or not done, that would still cause this level of bitterness to remain within her heart, but I could think of nothing.

"How can you still be jaded! What about us?"

_What about me? _

_How can I fix this? _

"Is there still an 'us'?" Her lip trembled as she asked about our future, quickly dissolving all the tension. She still wanted there to be hope for us.

I breathed a sigh of relief.

"There'll always be an 'us', Bella," I reassured confidently and two glistening tears rolled down from her comforted eyes.

"Why couldn't you just tell me?" The thought of talking to me about it drove her into the furthest corner of the living room.

I followed, willing her to talk to me, but she was incredibly reluctant. I couldn't exactly blame her. I knew hearing any type of detail of what she had to endure, was going to cause my guilt to grow exponentially.

Bella proceeded to lump herself into the same category with him, believing that she was no better. I almost confessed to everything right then. Us. Who we were, and what we are to each other. She had to know she was infinitely better than how she perceived herself. I hoped that a minimal admission and the casual manner I phrased it in, would stop her from thinking that she had any control over what was happening.

"You can't fight fate, love."

A quick inhale and she was awaiting an explanation, immediately picking up on my artificial subtly.

Even though I knew it was going to be a cruel distraction, I asked her to divulge how she had found out about Holly. I wasn't as prepared to go into details as I should have been uttering something like that. Thankfully, Bella was easily distracted and started speaking of a phone call she had received from Holly.

She was so poised when she spoke, like she was speaking of someone else's life. When she finished relaying the upsetting details of her conversation, I was speechless. I didn't have a single word of comfort for her, as they all seemed inadequate.

She apologized to me for my involvement in her life, saying that she wasn't strong enough to keep me out. Her statement was almost laughable. She thought I shouldn't want to be near her.

"I'll always want to be near you."

There is nothing else I would ever want.

She giggled looking at me attentively.

"I thought you were going to break up with me and head back to New York." Her strange assumptions were always surprising to me.

"Bella, why would you think that?"

"I was under the impression that you lived there," she laughed.

Given the circumstances, I thought it would be strange to admit that I had made immediate plans for relocation on her birthday. There was no consideration or thought, it was done. There was no life without Bella.

She looked panicked as I relayed minimal details, trying to convince me it was a mistake and that I would find "someone better."

"There is no one better for me than you, Bella," I stated unequivocally.

She became nervous, bitting her lip as she searched the graying room for an argument to my claim.

"Isabella, please don't try to refute what I'm telling you," I begged.

I didn't know how to make it any clearer to her without coming out and telling her. The whole situation resembled tangled branches of a decaying tree and I was not free to see where the forked, winding offshoots led. I could only climb them one at a time, praying they didn't collapse under my heaviness. I jumped even further out onto the fragile limbs.

"This only beats...because you're breathing," I told her truthfully of my mending heart. The admission without the details would have to be enough. I had spent numerous lifetimes romancing her, but never once was charged with the task of convincing her that her existence was everything to me. Coveting a profession from Torrismond seemed so prudent at that moment, to further impress upon her that I wasn't offering up meaningless banality, but that I was paying homage at the wall around her soul that I had helped to build.

"Believe. Believe me, love," I whispered, hoping she could feel all the meaning it was infused with. Even if she didn't remember the line or hadn't looked at the play since I have given her the book, I prayed it would cause the wall to at least crack.

When she revealed she was leaving him, I felt like I had not only chipped the wall, but had busted a large hole right through enough for me to walk through and straight back to her. The relief was immeasurable, I came a step closer to saving her life. The sooner she was completely rid of him, the safer she would be. It couldn't happen soon enough, I would have flown with her to Phoenix in that minute if she had agreed. I tried to convince her of different ways to tell him, but she refused. She wanted it to be on her terms, which I could understand, but didn't want to accept.

She shrugged it off, "Besides, a few more days won't kill me."

It was a joke.

The validity of her life was a joke to her and a part of me died from hearing it.

I begged her not to talk like that. It was too much to take. She didn't know what fragile threads her life had been clinging to, but it didn't mean that I hadn't. She nodded, looking affronted by my inability to let her talk so causally about her demise. It wasn't her fault though and I didn't want her to ever feel like it was.

I tried to kiss away every tear I never saw, and all the ones I had. Every apology I never had a chance to voice was written on my lips and was wordlessly being reprinted on the sheath of her porcelain skin. The taste of her purity was insanely enticing, diverting me from a gradual repentance to a feverish atonement. The unspoken regrets were no longer being transcribed with the guilt in my over burdened soul, but with the passionate crimson blood that was keeping me alive.

The lingering light of the day skimming over her radiant features, a sparkle danced in her eye as I broke from my rampant lustful reverie and gazed at her.

I delved deeply into her mouth, and she met me with the same force. Her prowess showing through as she controlled my mouth with hers. Her passion and lust were seeping into my already saturated blood creating a carnal song that pulsed in my eardrums, driving me to the edge.

Being led by the newfound unstoppable hymn, I let my mouth wander back to her neck and linger there. Pulling in her milky skin, softly manipulating it with my tongue and lips. She moaned and the gentle song in my veins hit a crescendo and I was immersed in the melody. My blood was singing for her.

When my hand wandered beneath her shirt and adoringly pursued her breasts, she abruptly pulled away.

"Edward we have to stop," she breathed.

_I remember second base being a lot easier to get to when I was younger. _

"Why?" She was sending me every single signal imaginable, so I had to know.

"Because, I don't want to be _that_ person. It's bad enough, I'm _this _person," she admitted.

She was still committed to being faithful to him, at least to the degree that she could control.

I was even more adamant to get her to Phoenix, but it was no longer entirely for altruistic reasons.

She insisted on waiting until she could talk to him, and then she would be "all mine."

Our love spanned over numerous lives, times and places and she believed speaking to some degenerate was going to make her somehow belong more to me.

"You were already all mine," I cited, wrapping her back into my arms again attempting to keep her there and trying to commence where we left off.

She wouldn't allow it, saying she was going home briefly to gather necessities for the boys to sleepover with Nate.

Bella insisted she would be fine and that she would be right back, but none of her assurances sat well with me. I conceded verbally to her requests to relax, but not mentally. I lied to her to placate her and it bothered me to do it. Though, not enough to abide by what she had asked me to do.

I waited approximately five minutes until after she left to follow her. I had been doing it for the last two weeks and as perceptive as she seemed to be, she never caught me or at least she hadn't said anything. I would always sit and wait, making sure she and the boys were safe before reluctantly leaving.

She had already pulled into the driveway and was getting out of her car as I rounded the corner of the narrow street. She shut the front door as I parked in my usual place. I would have to be back before her, so I watched the door intently, resolving to drive away the moment she got back in the car.

I thought about how this all seemed to be coming together. The uncertainty of whether I was supposed to be with her had all but disappeared, not that I would have the choice any longer.

A cab pulled up onto the curb and the bane of my existence stumbled out. Completely unkempt and disoriented, he walked up to the front door, fumbling with the keys for a few minutes before finally managing to unlock the tumbler. He left the pale door slightly ajar upon his unsure entrance. Idiot.

Drunken idiot.

Panic filled the car.

I was at an impasse. I wanted Bella to be able to say her peace and to be done with him, but a large part of me considered it to be too big of a risk. It would be safer for him to be sober for her to deliver the news that she was dissolving their marriage.

I reached for the door handle several times and let it go before finally pulling it open. What could I use as an excuse to be there? She would find it disconcerting to know that I followed her, and I had no way to justify it logically. Knowing I had basically denied her request for me to relax would upset her.

_She'll get over it. _

I walked up to the door, hearing their muffled shouts as I grew closer.

"Jake nothing happened."

"Bullshit, look at that! Who the fuck gave you that?"

"_Better not have been fucking Cullen." _

_He must've been referring to her neck. I didn't think it would bruise. _

"None of your damn business, Jake. It's over."

"What?"

"It's over Jake," she repeated solemnly.

"Like hell it is! You go around and fuck someone else, and you think you can just leave?"

"Like you haven't fucked other people Jake! How is Holly? You son of a bitch!"

"You! You gave her my fucking cell number didn't you! She wouldn't tell me who it was! Do you have any fucking idea how..."

His thoughts turned to violence. I arrived in the boys room just in time to hear Bella's head hit the drywall.

In a beat I was on him, yanking him away from her and throwing him into an opposite wall, his skull making a quick thump against a hidden two by four.

His eyes adjusted minutely.

"_Cullen...motherfucker."_

He was still disoriented, so I spun to Bella, her eyes were wrapped equally in shock and relief.

"Bella, are you okay?"

She nodded her eyes still wide.

"_I shoulda kicked his ass weeks ago." _His thoughts went to punching me.

I turned slightly to avoid his drunken wide right hook and countered with a quick jab to the side of his jaw.

He grunted in pain. I was holding back so much, but I didn't want to traumatize Bella anymore than she had been.

"_You're gonna pay for that."_

"Go for it champ," I sanctioned condescendingly.

He heeded me suspiciously and considered a grab and slam to pin me against the wall proceeding with several blows to the abdomen.

I easily evaded. Making short work of his fierce advance and delivering the intended blows for my torso into his. He sputtered as the repeat slam against the wall had knocked the wind out of him.

"Not exactly what you had in mind, was it?"

"_How the fuck?"_

"Don't waste your time trying to figure it out," I lectured.

"The little whore isn't worth this." His words were close to unintelligible, but to me, they were explicitly clear.

I snapped.

"What did you call her?"

His eyes narrowed in response and then as if he figured out my secret, he bellowed the word in his head.

"_Whore!" _He thought with a sneer, his demonic eyes flaring as he stared me down. The familiarity of the adversarial glare and disparaging thought shattered my trial of civility.

_That was civil?_

I only saw the auras of crimson as I pummeled him, several hits to his face, his blood seeped out from under my knuckles. His nose was assuredly broken, which only made me want to damage him further, to watch more of his life slip away from him, leaving only his crumpled shell. Once wasn't enough.

"Don't you ever fucking call her that!" I shouted over the rage that resounded off the walls.

He made several attempts to defend himself, but they were useless against me, even with his physical advantage. His thoughts were only seconds ahead of his actions, but it was more than enough.

There was only the heat of revenge flowing through me, coursing along with my adrenaline as I administered a sentence for his unpardonable crimes, for in his death there was no retribution. It was only in his suffering that would I find any solace.

It was Bella's panicked voice that brought my time straddling soul back into the present.

"Edward! Stop!" I heard her plea, far off and distant.

Her hand gripped my shoulder, calling me away and back to her. He staggered a few feet backwards clenching his blood strewn and swelling face.

His thoughts still a swirl of multiple moves, even though he was in no position to carry them out. He was persistent, I would give him that, but nothing else. He stumbled towards me, intent not to let me leave in one piece. This wasn't about her, it was all about defending his own reputation. His ego flayed by his inability to get a hit on me.

Bella suddenly stepped between us, as if she could feel the tension refilling the tiny space. She appeared to be shielding me against him. The gesture frightened and gratified me immensely.

"Jake, just get out of here for now and sober up," Bella asserted steadily.

"This is my house!"

"I can show you the fuck out if you've forgotten where the door is," I interrupted.

Bella gave a quick look of irritation to me and then turned back to him.

"Then I'm leaving. You can stay."

"_Fucking bitch, where the hell does she get off?"_

"You aren't going anywhere with him!"

Bella's shoulders slumped slightly and she took a step towards him.

"_See fucker? I own her."_

"Bella..." There was no way I was going to let her be controlled like that anymore.

She turned her head, her chocolate eyes focused directly on mine, there was no defeat in them only fierce determination. She markedly closed them, like she was sending me a morse code, though I didn't know her exact entire exchange took less than a second. Turning back to him and appearing as if she was going to embrace him, she rested her hands on his shoulders minutely before kneeing him swiftly in the groin. He tumbled over like a house of cards, thoroughly incapacitated.

"Go to hell, Jacob." She glared at him briefly, tossing a green duffle bag over her shoulder before smirking up at me and walking out of the room.

I followed her out of the front door, still in shock over her brazen move.

"Remind me never to get on your bad side," I joked.

She regarded me briefly, searching anxiously in the back drop of the frigid air for the response she wanted.

"I don't know exactly what happened in there, but..." she trailed off as she started to shiver.

"Bella, we should probably get going before he gets... readjusted," I warned.

_Not that I would mind going another round with him. Or seven. _

She nodded, stepping to her car.

"I don't think you should be driving," I cautioned.

She stopped. "Why?"

"You were slammed into a wall." I felt the anger resurfacing.

"I'm fine," she assured. She allowed me a quick glance at her head, there was a slight bump, but nothing more.

"Just let me drive you. We can come back later and get your car."

_Or I could buy you a new one. _

"Alright." She looked exhausted, and after everything that had happened, I knew she shouldn't be behind the wheel.

We took off quickly, seconds away from the house before my cell rang out.

"Alice?" I answered dryly.

"I've been calling you for twenty minutes!"

"Sorry, I was detained." I knew she was worried when my phone had rung repeatedly in my pocket, but I hadn't had time to answer it.

"What the hell happened? Bella's future had disappeared, then so did yours," her voice hushed, "I was scared to death."

"We're both fine."

"I can see that now."

"We're on our way back. Please don't worry."

"It will take you a bit longer, there's some roadwork."

"I'll take that under advisement. See you soon."

Our conversation ended, and I noticed Bella was rubbing her head. The taillights of the car ahead of us reflecting tiny beads of red in her over tired eyes. There was a rawness there, she was replete with frustration.

"Everything is going to work out." I tried to reassure her. "You were more than justified," I added, hoping that she was not having doubts over her actions against her soon to be ex husband. The realization made me happy, yet the never ending foreboding refused to leave. It wasn't the same, at least not exactly. The changes were small, but enough to pacify me for the time being.

She smiled softly, glancing over at me. Exhaling a cleansing breath before she responded.

"I know. I wish I could bring myself to feel badly, but I don't."

"You shouldn't."

The same smirk returned to her lips. "I'm not normally a violent person."

"Neither am I," I informed her, wondering if that had been what had bothered her, "I'm sorry I lost control like that."

A look of remembrance came to her face. It was a spark, a streak of wild curiosity and slight indignation.

"I'm not exactly complaining, but why did you follow me?" she questioned. Though I could tell, that is wasn't what she really what she would have liked to have asked.

"I wanted you to be safe," I answered honestly.

She pursed her lips, contemplating what I said.

"What made you think I wouldn't be?" She wasn't upset, the curiosity still bustling, like she was on the verge of solving a great mystery. I thought back to the night, my fight with the degenerate. I wasn't exactly discrete while speaking to him, he was drunk after all and I doubt he would remember much in the morning, but Bella...

"I don't have a good answer for that," I lied. I had several, but none that I thought she would able to handle at the the time.

"Oh." She looked confused, the curiosity all but snubbed from her voice and eyes.

"I'm not sorry though," I dodged.

"Nor should you be," she pardoned, grazing her thumb over my swollen knuckles, "Does it hurt?"

"No." I responded, pleased that she had been diverted from her minor tangent.

She smiled, "Thank you for defending me."

"Always."

We drove the rest of the way in silence, spending a good majority of the time winding in and out of florescent orange cones. I kept looking over to her each time she would catch my eye, the curiosity would flare, but she didn't speak.

We arrived at the house Bella put her boys to bed in Nate's room as I watched over her. Even with everything she had been through that evening, she still managed to put her children's comfort and normalcy levels above her own. Tucking them into their sleeping bags and stroking Josh's hair as he drifted off.

Alice and Jasper had opened a bottle of wine, and asked both Bella and I to join them. They causally inquired about what had happened with Jacob, though Alice was nervous about probing her for too much information. They were both consoling, as I knew they would be. Bella seemed lost in the swirling liquid of her glass, her eyes glazed as she answered their controlled questions. Jasper suggested a restraining order against him.

Their thoughts were completely charged.

"_He's lucky you didn't kill him."_

"_I would have."_

Bella just smiled and nodded, I didn't think she was really hearing anything. Her large yawn gave her away.

"I think it's time to get the prize fighter to bed," I chuckled.

Alice smiled at Bella and beckoned me to follow her into the hallway. "We need to talk." I said as she handed me sheets and a few pillows.

"Why didn't you tell me that Bella knew about Jacob?" I demanded quietly.

She frowned. "I didn't even think to look at what would happen. I honestly didn't know if I could because it involved him to some degree."

I nodded, but I was still expecting some explanation.

"It wasn't until her future disappeared as the movie ended that I became concerned," she relayed closing the closet, "then, when yours followed suit I.."

She stopped.

"_Bella."_

I turned to see her come around the corner.

"_We can continue this later." _

Alice smiled at Bella, "I hope you like blue," she trilled, pointing to the stack in my arms.

"Very much," she replied glancing at me. "I can't thank you enough for everything, Alice. You and Jasper have.."

"No thanks necessary, sweetie," Alice insisted, "You're family, remember?"

Bella nodded softly, accompanied by a weak grin.

Alice hugged Bella tightly before saying goodnight and following Jasper up the stairs.

I laid the stack of bedding on the couch, Bella smiling at me briefly, before starting to spread it out.

"Not a chance," I murmured, as I lifted her into my arms.

Her tired eyes shot open as I carried her up the stairs. Conflicting emotions crossed her eyes as she stared up at me, but melded into an affectionate haze as she laid her head on my chest. I brought her into my room and placed her on the bed, she didn't protest.

She was curled up when I finished getting ready for bed, I thought she had passed out. I went to go back down stairs, but she called out to me. Or at least her dreams did.

"Edward, don't leave me." Her voice blatantly clear, and eyes tightly closed.

I shut the door behind me and stepped back into the room.

"Never again, Bella," I breathed, as I climbed into bed beside her. I spent a good portion of the night taking her in. Every streak of her essence, all the divine contours of her serene face, and the breaths passed deeply through her lungs. I was convinced that if I fell asleep she would disappear, and I fought to keep her real. Her body subconsciously molded around me, her head nuzzling my shoulder and her arms wrapped tight around my chest. I let my eyes lose the battle.

Bella mumbled something unintelligible as she woke, drawing me back into the fleeting morning.

Shafts of light were now pouring over the room, bathing it in a magnificent glow. The dawn had fully broken over us, and my angel slowly opened her dazzling eyes.

**A/N: Wanted to say a thank you to twopeas1pod for acting as my beta for this chapter! T.Y.! IF anything is wrong, it's completely my fault for not listening-lol! :)**

**A Huge THANK YOU to all of you wonderful people that have been reviewing/and or pimping me out on Twitter. It means SO much and I love every review and reviewer! **

**Come follow me and some other amazingly awesome people on Twitter: eveningrainjlho **


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: All recognizable characters, settings, story (play), or music references are owned by their respective authors/creators. The story line is owned by me, and I prefer to keep it that way. No copyright infringement is intended. **

BPOV

The brittle grass crunched under my feet. Browned and decayed, the life dwindled away with the rich green that had enlivened the overgrown blades. A feeble light teased me, rushing by as I stood alone on the edge of desolation. Untouchable pockets of life filtered in, two lovers traveling within them, mocking my apparition with their joy.

They trampled the lawns of the paralleled meadow, as they ran past and evanesced again into nothingness. The darkness rippled and the coolness of the night flew past me, as their forms came closer and stilled. They didn't see me, aware of only one another as they spoke their muffled script.

I strained to hear, to hold onto their love and allow it to consume me. The flow of the words was hypnotic and beautiful, as if all the stars of heaven infused them with a dialect which was only known to angels.

The recognizable man with eyes of emerald had fallen to his knees, greedily kissing the hand of his enraptured feminine partner. I reached out, wishing to touch him, to see his face unmarred by grief. The funneled light passed over my ghostly hand like gossamer. Their cell of seclusion whispered around my fingers, dissolving into curls of smoke and ascended into the endless sky. The man stayed behind, had risen to his feet, and ran to me. As he moved, his green eyes changed to blue and Edward's voice broke into my subconscious.

_**My soul expressed and written in a book, That thou might'st read and know! Believe, believe me! **_

Then as if the wind had swept him up and carried him off into the unforgiving night, he vanished.

The dream floated in my mind, as I awoke for the first time in months, amazingly content and rested. A feeling of electricity synthesizing in my strangely contorted limbs. The currents of heat confused me, I normally woke up frigid, alone and tired. Startled by the unfamiliar serenity, my heart raced and I felt resistance when my short lived uncertainty tried to spur me upright.

"Bella?" He sounded as unsettled as I felt. The rushing blood started to normalize while my comprehension was gradually restored. I remembered that I was at Alice's, and that the boys were sleeping with Nate, which made me relax right into the position I had woken up in. My blood started to pound again.

My head was resting on Edward's shoulder, while my hand was tucked up underneath his fitted tank, and my leg was suggestively wrapped around his. His tense arm adhered me to him, like he was afraid I would abandon him in the night. The heat of his toned chest and fluid heartbeats pulsing under my hand were both settling and arousing. The latter of the two emotions overtook me. I immodestly felt my way down his stomach before begrudgingly removing my curious fingers, to pursue an unnecessary eye rub.

He inhaled sharply, and chucked into my hair as he held me tighter.

I shifted in his embrace, aspiring to commit his sun haloed effigy to memory. The god among men in my slanting unrecognizable world, my formidable protector. I examined him looking for a flaw, a fissure, anything that would make him seem less guardian and more man. More human and less angel. There was nothing aesthetic and nothing internal, the goodness radiated from every plane.

I reached my hand up to touch his face, assuring his existence at my side wasn't a hallucination. It was probably the look I had given him when he showed up the previous night. I had never been so grateful to see anyone in my life.

I suddenly wondered what had happened? Had he planned to stay with me last night? The scenarios went through my head like lightening. The last thing I remembered was the overtly chivalrous trip I made up the stairs in his arms. I wanted to argue when he laid me down, but the scent of him and the mist of calming blue that surrounded me, were like unbidden sedatives.

"Morning," he greeted, his voice coarse but his tone enamored.

"Morning," I echoed, still trying to figure out what happened the previous night, and why we were sleeping intertwined. Not that I would complain, if I could only remember how we got like that.

"I hope you don't mind, it just that you asked me not to leave last night."

_I did?_

He noticed my puzzled expression.

"You were dreaming," he explained. "You asked me not to leave you."

I nodded, regarding the strange turn my dreams had taken. I felt a shiver run through me, but I wasn't cold.

"I'm sorry, but I couldn't ignore your request," he needlessly apologized as he rubbed my shoulder and pulled me somehow closer.

I nuzzled into his neck, breathing a sigh of contentment. "Well, thank you for staying," I cooed, lacing our hands together.

"As if I would be anywhere else," he heartened, chastely kissing my forehead.

I smiled automatically.

His head quirked to the side his messy, sun streaked hair fell into his eyes and a boyish grin embossed his lips.

How is it, that he can still look _that_ gorgeous unshaven and with bed head?

_You just answered your own question. _

"I thought maybe, with everything that had happened last night, there was wine, and maybe we had..." I couldn't finish. I had already felt the blood from my heart speeding disloyally to my cheeks.

He leaned forward like he was going to kiss me, though instead, he ever so seductively brushed his lips over the top of mine. I gasped as he rushed his mouth to my ear and his inviting discloser permeated me.

"You would _absolutely_ remember that."

He punctuated his provocative assumption with a kiss to my heated face. Hooded eyes deliberately secured mine as he pulled away and skimmed his finger by the corner of my parted lips. His mouth seared into a smug simper as he relaxed again.

_Two can play that game_.

His words acted as kindling for the embers that I had desperately tried to extinguish, but never quite could. Not that I would ever want to now.

I twisted slightly, leaving open mouth kisses up his neck and across his roughened jaw before turning his previous incitement against him.

"Prove it." I drew his face back to mine, securing his astoundingly sapphire eyes in the same manner, raising my eyebrow, and running my tongue solicitously over my lip.

He nipped fervently at my mouth, subtlety tantalizing my rapacious lips. His kissing was always painfully slow, like he was trying to burn the feeling of it into his memory.

I wanted more. I needed more. I needed his mouth and hands all over my body. I needed to feel his skin on mine, his heat. I only wanted to remember his touch. The embers flamed in my stomach and scorched me from the inside out.

"I need you," I whispered, as my mouth assaulted his earlobe.

His hand advanced from massaging innocent circles into my lower back to needfully caressing my ass, as I urgently tugged his bottom lip. Our mouths wound and twisted together along with our bodies, my leg found its way over his hip and my hand moved back up to his chest.

_Knock Knock_

"Ignore it," he urged, wrapping my leg more securely around him. He plunged his tongue back into my mouth with a newly discovered insistence. I tried to wonder who might have been at the door, but I could only concentrate on Edward's tongue swirling with mine.

_Knock Knock Knock_

He groaned out of frustration, breaking our mouths apart and sighed heavily.

"Soon," he panted against my agitated and resigned lips.

"Bella," Alice muffled voice came from behind the door, "Your boys are asking for you."

_Boys?_

_Oh right! I have those. _

"Be right there, Alice."

Edward seemed petulant, running his hand through his hair.

My lips spontaneously exploded into a smile as I watched him. A flaw, albeit miniscule, it was something that slid the scale closer to mortal.

I ran my hand through his hair again, ruffling it up like it was before.

He gave me a quizzical glance.

"It's so much better that way."

ER_

I headed downstairs, embarrassed to be still be wearing the bulky sweater and jeans from the night before. It was like a walk a shame without the action behind it, I didn't know which part bothered me more.

"Morning, Bella. Did you sleep well?" Alice quizzed brightly, but allusively, while she rummaged around in the kitchen.

"Very, well," I answered shyly, glancing at the boys who were playing Chutes and Ladders in their pajamas.

I walked over to kiss them both, and said good morning to Nate.

"How was the sleepover?" I asked, kneeling down on the plush carpet next to them.

"It's still going on, Mom!" Josh enlightened me, hugging my neck with his tiny arms.

"Oh, I see."

"And Aunt Alice said she's gonna make blueberry waffles," Adrien added, smiling up at me.

"That's very nice of her," I chimed slightly louder than necessary, hoping Alice would hear.

"So who's winning?"

"Me!" Nate shouted his response while punching the air.

I laughed at his excitement.

"I'm right behind him!" Josh notified, pointing wildly at his piece.

"That's great, honey," I encouraged, smoothing his back before standing again.

They both had asked about Jake while I tucked them in, I told them that everything was okay, and that Daddy was having some adult problems, and that when he had gotten through them, they could see him again. Though, I didn't know _if_ or _when_ that was ever going to happen and it made me feel extremely guilty and scared. Jake's never ending threats to take the boys and disappear with them, were slashing all the bravery I had found last night into sinewy ribbons.

I watched Nate climb his way up another ladder before I made my way over to Alice and offered to help her prepare breakfast. It was the least I could do for her putting me up and I needed a distraction from my paralyzing thoughts. She wouldn't allow me to step foot into the kitchen, and insisted I go upstairs to borrow some clothes and shower. Telling me everything I would need was already waiting for me, and that I could use her bathroom.

I found myself able to look in the mirror while I combed through my wet hair. I had stood my ground with Jake, and although I felt relieved, I realized that I was only at the beginning of an arduous road.

The expression on Jake's face last night and the stench of alcohol had signaled to me that something was truly wrong. He had never been that drunk so early in the day, let alone come home when the boys had every possibility of being there.

"Hey, Jake," I greeted, unable to keep my voice from trembling.

"Bella." His slurred response chilled me.

I felt the immediate urge to run, the thought of confrontation all but forgotten as I watched him saunter over to me.

"Did you get assigned out of the city?" I questioned irrationally, I knew where he had been, but the fright was crippling me, drawing me back into the trench of self preservation. I took an unseen step which guided me into the closet.

"Yeah," he lied, stepping nearer to me. The fear welled. Waves of forewarning rushed in and over me, I tried to breath.

"Where are the-"

"At the movies." I didn't want to add fuel to the simmered alcohol in his system, by revealing who the boys were with. He wasn't in a fit enough state to ask.

His expression darkened, as he closed the gap between us.

_Run._

His gruff hand gripped my wrist before I could react, the veins under his detaining grasp painfully constricted my blood flow.

I winced, his touch was made me sick. "That hurts, Jake."

"Come on, Bells. It's been too long."

He couldn't have been suggesting what I thought.

"It's been _years_ Jake!" I tried to sound intimidating, hoping to stop him, but it only came out as a squeak.

His hand made a short pass up my body, and I willed myself not to vomit for a second time.

My nightmare crashed over me, a deluge of images raining inside my head. My limbs turned to ice, and grew heavy like stone. Goosebumps overtook my pallid skin as I realized the nightmares that had irreparably scarred me were yet again crossing over into my waking life. The touch, the roughness, the way I felt panicked, desperate and violated.

_Had they been a warning? _

I tried to push him away from me, but that only spurred him on. He went to pull my shirt down near the collar, when he caught sight of my neck.

"What the hell is that?"

_No! Please don't let him be seeing what I think he is._

"I burnt myself...with a c..curling iron," I shuddered out, hoping he was drunk enough to buy it.

"That's a fucking hickey Bella," he hissed, yanking on my collar to get a better look.

"Jake nothing happened." I was incredibly frightened, and was silently praying for a miracle and cursing myself for carelessly rejecting Edward's requests to have him come with me.

"Bullshit, look at that! Who the fuck gave you that?"

I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction, and I didn't want him going after Edward next.

"None of your damn business, Jake. It's over." If protecting Edward and breaking up with a sociopath were the last things I would accomplish, I was going down swinging.

"What?" He huffed in disbelief.

"It's over Jake," I looked him squarely in the face, his enflamed baleful eyes bore down on me.

"Like hell it is! You go around and fuck someone else, and you think you can just leave?"

His gripped tightened, his fingers unflinchingly dug further into my wrist.

"Like you haven't fucked other people Jake! How is Holly? You son of a bitch!"

"You! You gave her my fucking cell number didn't you! She wouldn't tell me who it was! Do you have any fucking idea how..." His eyes dilated, murderous and cold.

My head hit the wall before he completed the thought. I was going to try and fight him, useless as it may have been, but I could only think of my sons and how they would need me. When the room came into focus again, I found my prayers had been answered. The angel of mercy had been gracious, dispatching Edward to come to my rescue.

My head was throbbing, and my ears still humming. I could still see everything that was happening in front of me, and vaguely remembered who I was when Edward asked me if I was alright.

I was scared for Edward. Jake's altered state would only fuel his anger. So it was with great surprise that I watched as Edward, not only took on the fight with Jake, but monopolize it.

As the drone in my ears faded out, my hearing returned, though I thought I must've incurred more damage from the hit than I had believed. Edward appeared be having a completely linear conversation, like he was talking to himself, but addressing Jake.

I listened closer.

"What did you call her?" Edward snarled.

Jake only issued a vile, pompous stare as a response.

Edward pounded into Jakes flesh, repeatedly slamming his fist into Jake's bloodied face.

"Don't you ever fucking call her that!" Edward raged.

Jake hadn't said anything. I let my brain venture through the limited possibilities of what that meant.

His uncanny ability to know exactly what to say, the books, the stray comments. That was it.

_That's not possible._

_Nothing's impossible, just not everything is probable._

"Edward! Stop!" There was something exceedingly more important to address than defending me.

I gripped his shoulder, and he reluctantly let Jake go with a harsh shove.

Both of them simmered with testosterone infused hatred as they leered at each other. Jake's eyes focused on Edward, imperviously resolute. The archaic rivalry that fluctuated between them was remarkable, and when I intervened it didn't sever, but only drew me in. It stirred me, there was such limited contact between the two, that it didn't make sense.

I offered Jake the chance to go and dry out, but he refused. I gave in, and told him I was leaving. It was just a house, I forgotten what it was like to have a home. As long as I was with the boys and we were safe, that's all that mattered.

"You aren't going anywhere with him!"

_Like hell I'm not_.

I tried to signal Edward. I purposefully looked at him while blaring the thought in my head, hoping that my recent revelation was correct. However, he still looked confused as I turned back to Jake. I had only intended on yelling at Jake and leaving, but there was domineering look on his face, like he somehow had ownership of me, and he had won. I was beyond infuriated and my emotions took over.

With a defiant hit to the only thing in the world that he cared about, I condemned Jake to hell. I came out of the house, dazed, empowered, but mostly entranced by what I think I'd finally figured out. I hoped to talk to Edward, but I was intimidated at the prospect. How would I even broach something like that?

_What if you're wrong?_

_He'll think you are insane for even asking. _

_Maybe you are. _

I was trying to phrase my question, when he insisted we leave. I wanted to take my car, hoping to give myself sometime to think on the drive, but he was adamant that he drive me.

After his strange phone call with Alice, he tried to reassure me that my actions were justified and that I shouldn't feel ashamed. However, I wasn't in need of a pardon of my actions, but from the eventual repercussions.

"I'm not normally a violent person." I wanted to be clear I didn't condone violence on a regular basis.

"Neither am I," he offered. "I'm sorry I lost control like that."

A perfect in.

"I'm not exactly complaining, but why did you follow me?"

"I wanted you to be safe." He answered immediately.

"What made you think I wouldn't be?" The suspense was rampant. I hoped he would let his guard down, confirming to me in some small way that I wasn't crazy.

"I don't have a good answer for that," he replied apprehensively. It was genuine though. He may not have thought he had a good answer, but he did have one. I wondered if it was the same one I had. Obviously, he wasn't ready to tell me anything and I didn't want to push an issue that I was completely unsure of.

I watched his actions closely for the rest of the night. As Alice and Jasper were consoling me and offering up advice, and asking me to stay the night, I watched an unspoken conversation go on between the three of them. Casual blinks and nods confirmed my suspicion more so, or I was just delusional from lack of sleep.

When I had stepped around the corner in order to help get blankets, Alice and Edward abruptly stopped talking and knowing looks passed between them. I tried to thank Alice for her and Jasper's hospitality, but she wouldn't hear it, and reminded me again that I was family. I wondered what kind of family I had been adopted into, and why they had deemed my sons and I, important enough to be a part of it.

ER_

I came back downstairs from my shower to the most endearing scene. Edward was teaching Josh how to make a coin disappear with sleight of hand.

_Parlor tricks from the telepath. How pedestrian_.

I shook my head at the thought.

_You're not helping yourself stay in the sane column. _

They looked completely natural together, like they had been destined to be friends. My heart felt lighter while I covertly soaked in their lesson. Josh saw me then, his intrigued face shifted into a bright toothy smile.

"Hi Mom, wanna see a trick?"

"Sure, baby."

Josh clumsily stepped through the movements until the coin "appeared" in the other hand.

I clapped for him, "Great job, Josh."

Edward smiled approvingly, patting his shoulder.

"I'm gonna go show Adrien and Nate, " Josh said hopping off the couch, "Thanks, Edward."

He tore past me and started going for the stairs, "Bye, Mom."

"Magic tricks too?" I questioned, strolling over to him, "Is there anything you're unable to do?"

I stood in front of him shifting on my feet, waiting for an answer.

He gave me a pensive look and an indulgent wink, "Nothing that I can think of." In a debonaire move, he kissed my hand and pulled me into his lap.

Alice passed by with a basket of clothes on her way to laundry room, and broke in as only a sibling could.

"Oh please, Edward! You can't even get your DV-R to record correctly," she revealed rolling her eyes as she walked through.

I collapsed into a full on spasm of laughter.

He chuckled along, but not nearly as hard as I had, "She's exaggerating," he defended.

"I'm sure."

"There is one thing I can't do," he started tentatively, "Well, a few actually," he amended.

I reigned in my laughter.

"Anything I can help with?" I asked, semi seriously. I doubted there was anything I could legitimately assist him with.

"Yes, I believe so," he stated, stroking the palm of my hand, "I can't seem to get enough time alone with you." He gave a pointed look in Alice's direction.

"And you wanted to remedy that how, exactly?"

"I was hoping you would come out with me tonight."

"I'll have to see if I can find a sitter." I didn't want to rely on Alice again. She had already done so much for me.

Alice came back into the room, hands on her hips. "Bella, I already have your outfit picked out, and if you think I spent all that time coordinating it, for you to just-"

I rolled my eyes, glancing at Edward and Alice feeling very much like I had been a type of unwitting pawn.

"Alice would you please do me a huge favor and-"

"Done!" she squealed, prancing into the den.

"So?"

Maybe I could get some finite answers to my questions, in addition to spending some much needed time alone with him. "I'd love to."

ER_

The hour before we left the house, I was made-up, sprayed, and practically dressed by Alice's skillful, but overeager hands. I had to admit the outfit she had picked out was beautiful, a belted cashmere sweater dress, with leggings. I was thankful for the simplicity, but not so much the heeled boots she picked out to complete the ensemble.

"I thought you might have to come rescue me from Alice," I commented as we pulled out of the driveway.

He was donned in a gray, houndstooth sweater vest, a crisp white shirt underneath, and black trousers.

I imagined ripping off every stitch of it in hopes of continuing where we had left off this morning. I had to bite my lip, as the fantasy unfolded in my head.

_God. What if he can hear you?_

"Sorry, that's out of my jurisdiction," he laughed.

It's like I hadn't had the thought, or at least he didn't acknowledge it. Not that he could, if he was trying to keep up pretenses.

I smiled at his jest trying to push back the embarrassment.

_You're crazy_.

We navigated down crowded streets, the scent of him flowing through the car. I tried to stay focused on the actual words he was saying, rather than his sexy voice, but I found myself frequently thinking about the other things his mouth could be doing.

_Concentrate Bella_

He steered to the conversation to Josh and how fast he had picked up the coin trick.

_This I can handle. _

"Your boys are exceptional, Bella. They're fun, and spirited, just like you."

I blushed at the compliment, "You're really great with them." I returned.

"I love children."

I nodded, taking in what he had said. My heart sank then, I realized I would never be able to give him one of his own, if that's what he eventually wanted.

_You're getting way ahead of yourself._

I had never thought I would want any more children, so when Jake practically demanded I take permanent action and get sterilized, I did. It was just as much for my protection and peace of mind as it was for him.

"They're wonderful." I was grateful for the children I already had, extremely grateful, but I couldn't help the sadness that had crept into my voice. Edward exhaled noticeably and grasped my hand, brushing it gingerly with his thumb.

We had been driving for at least thirty minutes, when it dawned on me that I had no idea where he had planned on going.

"What are we even doing tonight?" I inquired, hoping to shift the subject to something exceedingly lighter.

"It's a surprise."

"I normally don't like those," I warned.

"You normally like mine," he reminded.

Every minute I was with him seemed to hold some type of surprise.

"Yes, I do."

ER_

"How To Cook A Wolf?" I questioned, reading the oblique name on the door we had arrived at.

"Alice seemed quiet taken with it when she suggested it."

"I'm presuming that wolf is not actually on the menu?" I giggled.

_Please save me from my dim witted remarks. _

"Italian inspired," he guffawed, opening the door for me, "Is that alright or would you prefer something else?"

I didn't know if I was going to be conformable in such a place, but I was with Edward and so it didn't matter where we were.

I simply shook my head, and kissed him on the cheek. "I know it will be wonderful," I assured, as I walked inside.

The wood paneling of the outer wall curved convexly near the ceiling, while the opposing one held the crowded stone accentuated, bar and kitchen. It resembled a large oaken wine cask with copper accents and lacquered cork tables. I didn't have a long time to take anything in, as we were seated almost immediately.

"How did you get us in here?" I questioned, taking my seat.

"I drove and then we walked half a block, remember?" he gibed.

"Funny." I deadpanned, "I was referring to the hostess basically shunning a line full of people, and us traipsing right past them." I hushed the last part of what I said to a whisper.

His eyes gleamed, "There are times when being me, and having Emmett McCarty as an agent are enjoyable."

_Agent? _

Right. I kept forgetting that he wasn't exactly my personal bard. It was easy to do when you lived in denial.

We were seated in the farthest corner, where the hum of endless conversation was less noticeable. It was nice being out with him, trying to forget the previous night and my crazy delusions.

A lit white candle rested on the table, the flame flickered in the shallow vase. I looked up to noticed Edward starring at me.

"In the evocative flame her beauty brightens making her the envy of every woman, and the lone desire of every man."

_Well, at least he was quoting from his own work._

I shivered again, not unlike this morning, but it was more pronounced.

"I think I've read that somewhere before," I challenged, taking a sip of water.

He responded by shrugging his shoulders, and leaning towards me on his elbows. "Have you now?"

"Reusing material Mr. Cullen?" I tsked, "I don't know whether to be offend or flattered." I found myself leaning forward, resting my chin on my hand.

"I figured if anyone could appreciate the significance of the compliment, it would be you."

My playful chiding was thoroughly hampered by his equivocal comment. His impassive eyes refused to reveal anymore of his mysterious vignette, and I began to lose myself in the dark blue orbs.

"What are you thinking?" he asked, startling me.

_Well, that answers that question doesn't it?_

I chuckled slightly at the relief I felt. At least I hadn't said anything and he would never know how warped my mind was.

"Just about how completely ridiculous I am," I dismissed.

"Why do think you're ridiculous?" He fidgeted with his napkin.

I laughed again. "It's nothing, really."

He stopped short, I felt exposed under his pensive interrogative stare. "Isabella, please answer me."

I took a ragged breath, trying to compose a coherent truth that would not sound entirely demented.

"I just had this errant thought that you could somehow read my mind," I responded whimsically, playing it off as nothing.

He choked on what was presumably air, and started coughing.

_You haven't heard of a white lie?_

_Now he'll definitely think you're insane. _

He grabbed his water, trying to clear his throat. With the other hand he felt his way into his jacket and grabbed his phone.

_Maybe he was calling the psychiatric hospital. _

His coughing stopped and he glared at his phone before returning it to his pocket. He must've gotten a message, but I was too concerned with his reaction to my not so nonchalant admission to ask.

"So, I'll take that as a 'no'." I nervously prodded, hoping to move on quickly.

He forced a smile, "Oh, Bella," he breathed, "If only that were possible."

His reaction and sudden anxiety made me feel that he wasn't being entirely honest either. I wanted to question him further, but our waiter had started to introduce himself and I needed to let go of the bizarre notion that anyone could read minds.

After the pleasant waiter took our orders I started looking around, feeling thoroughly out of place, but comforted by Edward's gaze.

I tried to keep the conversation light, taking a few bites of my Frisee salad in between noting that we had actually seen the sun earlier today and hoping that it would last.

Edward seemed distracted as we ate, conspicuously more agitated each time our waiter would meal was amazing, but I was too apprehensive over Edward's steadily shifting mood to say too much. I hoped that once we left, he would admit to whatever had been upsetting him, and that we could move on and enjoy the rest of our evening.

We we're leaving the restaurant when my cell rang, I looked at the display and was instantly frightened. I felt my face blanch while I considered the number on my backlit screen.

"What's wrong, Bella?" Edward questioned, joining me on the sidewalk.

I wondered what he could possibly have to say to me?

I took a deep breath, taking a step away to answer it, ignoring Edward's question.

"Yes, Jacob." Hearing my shaky greeting had not helped my resolve.

"Hang up." I heard Edward's clipped command come from behind me.

"Listen you little bitch! After that fucking stunt you pulled yesterday you're lucky I haven't hunted you down and beaten the fuck out of you."

"Don't threaten me, Jacob," I was walking, trying to get away from exiting restaurant patrons. Edward followed immediately behind, attempting to pull the phone away from my ear, but I held on to it. I didn't need his help for this.

"I haven't even fucking begun to threaten you Bella," he taunted, "I could kill you for what you've done."

I took in a breath an held it. That wasn't like him. As sex obsessed as he was, he was always laid back and easy going when he wasn't drunk. He sounded completely sober.

"Jacob stop it, this is not who you are." I was aching with tension. This was not the person I knew, or had ever known.

"That's exactly who he is Bella," Edward seethed, as he succeeded to wrench my phone from me and speak into it.

"I will tell you this one time, and one time only you sadistic fuck! If you even _think_ about coming near her again, I will fucking end you." With a fierce click of a button, he gruffly handed my phone back to me and looked at me like I had lost my mind.

"Jesus Edward, I could have handled it!" I chastised, shoving my phone back in my coat.

"You need to stop this!"

"Stop what?"

"Being so damn ambivalent! He is a psychopath and you need to cut off all contact with him!"

I couldn't just do that. As simple as it seemed to Edward to just cut off all contact, there was a reality I had to face. I had children with Jake and I was going to have to deal with him, in some capacity, for the rest of my life.

"The boys are going to have to have contact with their father Edward." I cringed at the thought.

His eyes were wide, and mouth agape while he stared at me. He shook his head, completely losing it out on the sidewalk of some unknown side street.

"Do you really want someone who just threatened your life to be in the same room with your sons!"

I shook my head and started to crumble. Of course I didn't want that. I was so confused and everything was spinning out of control. I didn't want my sons to grow up thinking that kind of behavior was acceptable. Jake had always been so good with them, or at least I thought he had. Maybe I had been deluding myself. How was I supposed to explain to my sons that in a few weeks time their father had turned into a violent person that was no longer safe for them to be around?

"Do you really want to be wearing the sick bastard's rings!" The last question of Edward's acrid interrogation ripped through me.

I looked down at my left hand. I hadn't even realized I was still wearing them. They were just objects now, they never really held any symbolism.

"Is _that_ what's been bothering you tonight?" I couldn't believe something so asinine was upsetting him.

"Not exactly," he evaded. He looked guilty at the ground, like a child who had been caught in a lie.

"They're just _rings_ Edward, they don't mean anything to me!" He had to know that they were just pieces of metal. I thought I had made that abundantly clear already. "You owned my heart before I even met you and nothing is going to change that now."

He took two strides forward, "You've always owned my heart, Bella." A slow sensual kiss coupled our lips and his hand slid into mine. I felt a quick tug and my rings slipped quickly off my finger.

"What are you do-" Edward pressed a finger to my lips and pitched my rings into a nearby storm drain.

"I don't want any part of him to continue to taint you," he said annotating his action. He began ravishing my hand with impassioned kisses, paying extra attention to my recently bare ring finger. I wondered if I was ever truly awake or if this was just continuation of the dreams that seemed to be completely overtaking my life. His eyes caught mine, the secrets of his soul swam against the seascape of blue.

"What aren't you saying?" I pleaded. I needed an affirmation of truth. I could feel that there was some very large pieces of an unknown puzzle that I was missing and he was holding them all.

He stopped his affections and appeared to be processing his thoughts. He took in a breath in order to finally answer me when my phone buzzed in my pocket. Edward gave me a wary look, but I waved him off.

"If it's him, I won't answer," I reassured. He nodded, but didn't let go of my hand.

I grimaced, not really wanting to look, but worried it might be Alice, or maybe my mother, but it wasn't. It was a text from Jake.

Every voice in my head told me not to look, but I did so against my better judgement. I shook when I read the sentence. I read it again and again, each time it lacerated me in a new place, until I felt nothing but searing pain. I head Edward in the distance, but I couldn't answer.

I shook so hard that the phone fell from my grasp and hit the ground, pieces of it flew everywhere.

_Enjoy your time with my sons because it is about to end. _

**A/N:** Another huge thank you to twopeas1pod for taking time out of her extremely busy life to proofread this for me. IOU :)

I predict updating about every 2 to 3 weeks from here on out. I know this is a maddeningly slow story, so I thank all those readers have actually stuck with it- all your reviews and pimping mean SO MUCH and keep me writing. Thank you! :)

The bold words at the end of Bella's dream are from Torrismond. I a have a link to the incomplete work on my profile (under the Goggle Books link).

How To Cook A Wolf is a real restaurant in the Queen Anne Hill neighborhood of Seattle. I hear it's wonderful! All Ethan Stowell Restaurants (including HTCAW) can be found at http:/www (dot)ethanstowellrestaurants (dot)com

Come follow me and many other amazing people on Twitter! ** eveningrainjlho **


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: All recognizable characters, settings, story (play), or music references are owned by their respective authors/creators. The story line is owned by me, and I prefer to keep it that way. No copyright infringement is intended. **

EPOV

_Not Yet. It won't be a lie._

Those were the only words in the text Alice had sent to me seconds before Bella observation caught me at a crossroads. I heard my phone beep and I used a forced coughing fit as a stall tactic to reach into my jacket pocket to retrieve it, hoping the foretelling pixie on the other end would give me the go ahead, but she didn't. I glared at the succinct message and replaced the extremely unhelpful device, back inside the front pocket.

Bella tried to downplay her observation, but there was no disinterest in her eyes. It was sheer curiosity that dwelled there. It bid me to open up and tell her what should be so simple to say. The semantics of her observation did put me in a a prime position of not actually having to lie to her; she hadn't exactly asked me anything. It seemed all I was able to giver her were omissive truths. It was wearing on me greatly and I didn't know how much longer I could keep it up.

"If only that were possible," I told her truthfully. And although I had always wished it a possibility, the look of confusion in her eyes made me will it all the more.

_Maybe Alice is wrong. _

It wasn't the lack of reading Bella's thoughts that would occupy me that night, but the rogue thought of our waiter.

"_Why is it that all the beautiful women are already married?_" he thought bitterly.

_Why would he think that we were married? _

A small tinkling light danced on her left hand as she spoke of the weather and sipped her water.

The set of abominable rings settled in a deep groove of her finger. Marking it. Marking her as his.

They're just insignificant pieces of jewelry I kept reminding myself.

Every time the waiter would return, his presence reminded me that she was not mine, in that way, in this life.

_Yet. _

_Don't let your thoughts wander there_.

I realized my hypocrisy. I had just told her, not more than twenty four hours ago, that marriage was only a piece of paper. It was the actions and expectations of society that caused marriage to become an institution. It was religion that dubbed it a holy union. But it was only the people who bound themselves to one another who would truly define its meaning. And the meanings were as varied as the couples who embarked upon their journeys together.

She was here with me and I had convinced her to leave Jacob in her past where he belongs, but I couldn't let it go. Why was she still wearing them? She had only officially left him last night, I understood that she might need some time, but with every gesture and small motion of her hand, it sent a fury straight through me.

I was grateful when we stared exiting the restaurant, between the ambient thoughts that were numbing my head and my inability to stop obsessing over something foolish. I needed some fresh air.

I was hoping to apologize for my lack of conversation skills during out meal, but I wasn't given a chance to.

Her face paled as we escaped into the cold, rain drenched night.

When she took his call, her face fell and she tried to move unsuccessfully away from me.

_Did she have no sense of self preservation?_

_You already know the answer to that_.

I heard his threats, and her responses both of which enraged me further. How could she think answering a call from him, and carrying on a conversation with someone who was threatening her was a good idea?

I tried repeatedly to yank the phone away from her. She didn't need to hear anything he had to say.

"Jacob stop it, this is not who you are." She still honestly thought that, even after last night.

I lost all my willpower and succumbed to the fury.

"That's exactly who he is Bella!" I fumed, jerking the phone from her.

My threat against him came out less eloquently than I would have liked, but it was only my rage that had a voice and it was dead set on using what little words I could manage in order to get the point across. And I meant every last word.

I handed the phone back to her, still embroiled in rage. I gaped at her, still not sure what I should say.

"Jesus Edward, I could have handled it!"

_Always so stubborn _

"You need to stop this!" I said gruffly the anger slowly ebbing.

"Stop what?"

_Stop this cycle. Please for the love of God. _

"Being so damn ambivalent! He is a psychopath and you need to cut off all contact with him!"

"The boys are going to have to have contact with their father Edward."

A wave of confusion was added to my diminishing fury. I never thought I would hear those words come out of her mouth.

_She is still under the impression that this is just a regular modern day break up, and that normal rules applied. _

I had to reason it out to her with the facts that she knew to be true.

"Do you really want someone who just threatened your life to be in the same room with your sons!"

She froze. The fear rose steadily in her eyes and washed around her, sweeping her up in a steady current. I was making her understand, at some level that he wasn't just a disgruntled man, but one with an agenda. One that appeared to be repeating itself.

I shuddered at the thought. It couldn't happen again. Not again. The street lamp casted its light over her hand as it trembled, illuminating the rings on her finger. It was like a beacon of everything we both had lost. I had done my best to ignore it while she was still with him, but now that she was free of him, I didn't want any reminders to remain.

"Do you really want to be wearing the sick bastard's rings!" I belted out. It sounded more accusatory than I had meant it to. She stared unblinkingly at her hand, like she had just noticed them for the first time.

She hadn't even thought about them and I was the one who had brought them to her attention.

_Strike two. _

"Is _that_ what's been bothering you tonight?" she questioned, irritated.

"Not exactly,"I answered vaguely. It wasn't exactly a lie. Truth by omission.

"They're just _rings_ Edward, they don't mean anything to me!" Deep down, I knew this. I knew she couldn't have any attachment to him, not in the way she would forever, eternally be attached to me.

"You owned my heart before I even met you and nothing is going to change that now." she continued.

Somehow in the midst of everything, I had lost sight of what was most important, that by some miracle, I had gotten her back.

"You've always owned my heart, Bella," I echoed her sentiment, taking two steps towards her.

My lips found hers as I unceremoniously divested her of the last of his debasement.

"What are you do-" Bella started to ask, somewhat alarmed.

I silenced her question, pressing her lips together with a solitary finger. I wanted to show her exactly what I thought of any part of him touching her.

"I don't want any part of him to continue to taint you." I bathed her hand in cleansing kisses, removing the last traces of him that clung to her skin, purposely sweeping my lips over the indent where her rings had sat. I looked up to see her eyes burning into me.

"What aren't you saying?" Her questioning continued.

Everything and nothing. Only her eyes gave away any hint of what was going on behind them. They were pleading, she looked overwhelmed and confused, but determined. The tinted windows of her soul, hacked at the long rusted lock that I had fastened over mine.

I had to tell her something, even if she thought I had lost my mind, or she became upset. I just didn't know where to start. I took a breath, looking into her eyes, the eyes I would recognize anywhere, no matter that color they were or shape. This was her. If there was anyone I could reveal my secrets to, our secrets, it would be her.

There was a faint noise that interrupted us, a muffled vibration from her phone. I gave her a warning look. I thought about taking the phone from her again, but thought better of it.

She responded she wouldn't answer if it was him, but she didn't have to.

Her whole body convulsed.

"Bella?"

Silent tears streamed down her cheeks as her hands shook hard and dropped her phone. It broke into pieces against the concrete sidewalk.

"Bella!"

She didn't answer me. Or couldn't

She appeared like she was about to collapse. I immediately grasped her around the waist and supported her fading form. Her tear strewn face was focused on the ground and she was starting to hyperventilate.

"Bella, love, please listen to me. You have to calm down."

She finally looked up and saw me. Her eyes widened, awash with fear and shock, like she didn't know where she was. The glassy chocolate spheres darted around my face and relaxed only slightly as I think she centered.

She blinked a few times, clearing out the tears as her eyes focused once again.

"He's going to take them," she whispered, looking down again.

Everything immediately came into focus.

"There's no way I'm going to let that happen," I vowed, as she regained her footing.

She nodded still shaking slightly, hardly acknowledging me.

I brought her face in between my hands. She was still shaken fragile and worn, like someone had stolen the light from her eyes.

"I'll guard them with everything I have, Bella. I swear."

Her expression smoothed, calmed, "I believe you," she affirmed, "I need to see them. Can we just go back to Alice's, please?"

I nodded and picked up the pieces of her phone, hoping I could save the sim card at least. She barely looked up or noticed that I was holding her hand as I walked her to the car, her thoughts swallowing her in silence.

She didn't speak in the car she only looked down at her hands and occasionally out the window, as the lights the cars and streets all blurred by. I knew she was trying to think of a way to blame herself.

"Nothing you did caused this Bella," I told her, hoping I would stop her thoughts before they could escalate.

"Didn't I? I chose to marry him, I chose to have children with him, and I chose to have a relationship with you," she looked at her knees and shook her head, "You know, I always thought it was my responsibility to save him somehow." she mused, looking out the window again. "Now he's even worse off."

I clenched the steering wheel, feeling like I was going to rip it from the column. It was happening again.

"Don't think _for a second_ that it is your responsibility to save him. You don't owe him anything and nothing you've done or have said was ever going to change who he is."

She had to understand this. If this was the only thing she remembered and listened to, out of anything I had ever said, it had to be this.

She turned towards me, arms folded over her chest.

"Why does it always sound like you are doing some type of double speak? I can hear the undertones and I can see it in your eyes, Edward! How do you know who he truly is? What he's like? You've spent less than an hour with him total."

I was done. I was tired of trying to hide everything from her. I needed her to trust me if I was going to have any hope of protecting her.

"I have a gift for knowing what people are truly like, Bella."

Her eyes speared mine, inundated with wonder and relief, like I had just given her a key to the lock she's been futilely trying to open. It was amusing to see her reaction, I had never had to disclose this piece of information to her, she had always known.

"Is that the same gift that allowed you to know what books of yours I didn't have?"

_Naturally so perceptive. _

"In a roundabout way, yes." I answered. I hadn't thought about how I might have to expose Alice as well.

"Roundabout?"

"Alice, can see the future." I was hoping my clairvoyant sister hadn't missed this conversation and that I wasn't making a huge error, but I doubted it. This must have been when this was supposed to happen, and why she had stalled me at the restaurant. Telling this to Bella in a crowded place would have probably been a bad idea.

A breath caught in Bella's throat, as she considered what I had told her. "Is that why she completely checks out? There were times when she just looks... "

"Gone," we both said at the same time, my voice touched with humor, hers with awe.

"That still doesn't explain how you knew. Did she umm.." Bella was working through something in her head, as the realization hit her, she looked away from me.

"She didn't have to tell you. Did she?" Her question barely audible at the end.

"No." I quietly sighed, taking her trembling hand off her lap, stopping at a red light. She slowly looked up at me.

"It's true then?" she asked biting her lip, and squeezing my hand.

I nodded and the light turned green. She closed her eyes, pinching them shut. She fought the tear that was threatening to escape, but failed.

"I thought I was going crazy, Edward. I still feel like I am to a degree." She sounded so far away.

"You're not crazy. Not at all. I know this is a lot to take in."

"It should seem that way, shouldn't it?"

"It doesn't?" I was surprised, I had anticipated her jumping out of the car at the red light, or becoming petrified, but she seemed to be relaxing.

"No, I mean, it explains so much. The books, the fight with Jake..." she trailed off.

"You've been pondering this while haven't you?"

"More than I would have liked to admit, given that what you and Alice can do is completely unheard of."

"You've never heard of a physic?" I joked, hoping to relax her further.

She giggled, "Not one that was legitimate."

She was taking this extraordinarily well. I was waiting for her to snap and accuse me of being crazy, but she didn't exude anything but relief.

"Are you okay, with all of this?" I wanted to believe that she was, that this would continue to be this easy, and she would be just this accepting.

Silent laughter shook her body, to the point that she had tears forming in her eyes. "Why don't_ you _tell me?"

It was my turn to laugh. "I sincerely wish that was an option."

Her giggles stopped short. "It's not?"

I shook my head. "You're the only person I've ever encountered whose thoughts I cannot hear."

She blinked her eyes twice, trying to process what I had said."You can't? At all?" she was more shocked about that than anything else I had told her.

"No. Nothing, not even the tiniest hint."

Her brow folded together in confusion.

"Does that mean something is wrong with me?" She would think that.

"No, Bella." I consoled, " Your perfection personified, never doubt that."

"Then why can't you?"

I knew why I couldn't, why her mind was always blocked from me, but it wasn't time to disclose any of that to her.

"I don't know," I lied.

ER_

Bella walked uneasily into Alice's, looking around like she had never seen the house or any of its contents before. Like her eyes had just been opened for the first time and she was taking in everything anew.

She smiled awkwardly, when Alice came in from the kitchen. "Hi!" she beamed. "Did you tell her?"

"You would know." Bella clasped a hand over her mouth, surprised by her causal unfiltered thought.

Alice grinned. "Yes, I definitely would," she laughed. "He could have changed his mind though. He's fickle like that," she accused lightly, pointing to me.

"I'm so sorry, that wasn't very polite," Bella, apologized. "It's just a little daunting."

The garage door opened in the middle of Bella's apology.

"I knew you would handle it well," Alice prided Bella, eyeing me acutely.

"Handle what well?" Jasper asked of Alice, embracing her and kissing the side of her face.

Alice giggled. "Edward blabbed," she confided, laughing now. Jasper looked alarmed, but Alice gave him the slightest nod and blink indicating that only minimal things had been revealed. The exchange between the two was almost instantaneous.

"So you know about the wonder twins?" Jasper snickered, adding more levity to the room.

Bella nodded, "Yes, still having some trouble wrapping my mind around it," she replied, despondently. "Fantastically, it's not really my chief concern right now," she responded looking up towards the stairs.

"_There's something more distracting than you and Alice?" _Jasper thought, noticing Bella's gaze making the connection quickly that she was thinking of her sons._ "What happened?" _

"He called her making threats to kill her," I informed him gravely. "Then texted her threatening to take the boys."

Alice nodded and Bella, flinched, hugging herself. I wrapped my arm around her smoothing her shoulder and she rested her head against my chest.

"Bella, that restraining order will be put in first thing in the morning," Jasper assured her, "It takes at most a few days to take effect."

Bella nodded, her gaze still held to the stairs. "I know this will seem irrational, but I don't think that's going to stop him. He's never been one to abide by the law and now..." she closed her eyes, but when they opened she was focused on Alice.

"Alice, I know this could be exceedingly selfish, but is there any way you can... I mean is it possible for you to umm... I don't know exactly how your visions work and I was just wondering if you could..."

"Bella, sweetie, you're babbling." Alice joked, trying to focus her. Bella bit her lip to silence herself. "Sorry," she mumbled. "I was just hoping you could tell me if you can see if they're going to be okay?"

"They're fine as far as I can see Bella. He won't get to them. " Alice patted Bella's forearm reassuringly. Bella shivered.

"_As long as Jacob doesn't come anywhere near them, they'll continue to be visible." _Alice's thought was shot to me with a pointed look_. "I don't see any reason to worry her by telling her about the holes he creates. _

I nodded discretely.

"You know that isn't much of a cover." Bella spoke up from beside me. "Your nods are incredibly obvious.

Jasper chuckled,_ "_She's good."

I didn't know what to do. I hated lying to her, but I didn't want to damage her with any more information than she could handle, as she was already overrun for the night.

Alice glanced at me, noting my indecision and took the lead_, _"Bella, we were just thinking that you and your boys should stay here until at least the order goes through._" _

_Alice might have been thinking about that earlier. So, only a partial lie. _

"That's really nice Alice, but I don't want to impose. Not to mention, I don't have anything here, everything is at home." Bella's voice, cracked slightly on the last word.

"Don't be ridiculous. At least stay tonight, you can borrow whatever you need from me, and then tomorrow Edward can take you by your place. Jacob won't be there."

Bella nodded taking a large breath and checked the time on the large clock opposite of us. "I should get them into bed." She pulled away from me and hugged Alice and Jasper and fled up the stairs.

"We still need to talk,"Alice reminded me.

"Okay," I answered, still I still didn't have the slightest idea what she could have to tell me.

"_You're going to want to sit," s_he thought hurriedly.

I complied, suddenly apprehensive. Alice never was one for dramatics, it must be something major.

"Last night, after your futures disappeared, I was scrambling to see something beyond the holes that Jacob's involvement creates."

"Mom! Dad! I'm done brushing my teeth!" Nate's call came from upstairs. Jasper held up a hand and motioned for us to continue, rose and kissed the top of Alice's head. "On my way Nate," he called bounding up the stairs.

Alice smiled and turned back to me.

"This is what I saw," she said shakily. I was in complete disbelief as her prophesy reel took over my mind. It took over everything, my breath, my sanity, my ability to make intelligible thoughts. It ended abruptly fading to black in her mind, but searing into mine.

I cautiously went through the image analyzing every piece. I was extremely grateful I was already sitting down. I felt the compulsion to pace, but I was unsure if my legs would support me.

"I had a vision of you telling her in the car, not in the restaurant. Which would have ended with her not eating," she scolded me. "So that's why I texted you."

"Alice, give me a minute," I gasped. I was still trying to process what she had shown me. It was singularly the most amazing thing I had ever seen and she was still rambling about something relatively unimportant. A door to heaven had appeared on the floor of the earth, and it was standing in my future.

I was suddenly angry. "Alice, your visions are subjective, so many things could change before that would come to fruition." The darkest possibilities came in an unstoppable onslaught. I shook my head.

"I can't even entertain that. Not in the slightest."

God, but I wanted to. I wanted to fast forward my life to arrive to the point right that second. To yank the door open to the future, propel into it and leave the past finally behind me, even if I didn't deserve to. Perhaps my penance was finally paid.

"Edward, every minute you spend with her, it's become more solidified."

"You cannot guarantee anything Alice! Jacob could undo all of that in seconds. You and I both know that."

"Any change of decision could undo that in seconds. Life happens Edward. I'm just showing you that is where you are currently headed. You deserve this. You both do."

I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding, compulsively running my fingers through my hair. My hand flattened on my knee.

"It's time," she said in a finalizing manner, patting my hand.

I nodded, still trying to get a grip.

"This is what I saw happening later tonight," she continued.

_There's more?_

It was Bella, reading through all of my books, our stories, searching for something and then padding to my room.

"What is she searching for?"

"I'm not exactly sure, " she laughed, getting up and thinking about her favorite pieces of art.

What did all of that mean? Alice had completely blindsided me and then disappeared.

ER_

Bella insisted that she sleep on the couch. She said it would give the boys the wrong impression if she spent a second night in my room. I respected her wishes, knowing that if Alice's visions were correct she would be coming to visit me shortly anyway.

I had been listening to my Ipod trying to think of what Bella could have been searching for as she was scouring through our stories, and what had spurred it. The songs played on, but I wasn't paying any attention and had no idea what I had just listened to.

I was intently waiting for a knock on my door, but there was nothing. I wondered if Bella had changed her mind. Maybe she would wait until morning, or maybe she hadn't found what she was looking for and had given up and fallen asleep.

Had she come to my door and left again?

I peered at the clock. A one changed to a two and made it exactly 11:32 when a heard a faint knock at my door.

"Edward?" I heard her whisper. I smiled at the irony of the time and because I heard her voice. I was only clad in a pair of blue flannel pajama pants, I looked around for my shirt, but was unable to find it before another light knock. I quickly gave up.

I got out of bed and went to open the door, as she peeked around the side. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," she apologized, eyeing me.

She had on a incredibly short, green satin robe that tied around her waist, showcasing her incredible legs and hourglass figure. He hair gathered at the base of her neck in a loose pile, some loose strands around her face. She looked like she belonged at a Victoria's Secret photo shoot.

_Dammit Alice, you couldn't have lent her some sweatpants?_

"You didn't," I assured, trying to find my voice. She was still perched by the door, "Did you want to come in?"

She grinned and nodded, her movements uncertain as she entered the room, I closed the door again and slowly followed her. I took a seat next to her at the foot of the bed.

"This room is so tranquil," she commented, looking around at the walls. "I love the ocean."

This was new information. "You do?"

_I'd have to file that away for later. _

"It's so strange because, I've never even been."

"Never?"

"We didn't take many trips growing up and I lived in _Arizona_, remember? Or is it hard to remember when you can't pluck it from my head?" she prodded playfully, bumping her shoulder into mine. She had already told me that and many other things about her current life over the last month and a half.

"I remember everything you've ever said," I countered. "I don't need to read your mind."

She smiled thoughtfully, and walked to the window, sweeping the curtains out of the way, her intense expression reflecting off the darkened glass, "It's probably the mystery of the unknown," she deduced.

She probably had experienced it, she just didn't recall. She told me her theory once. That everything we like or dislike, our fears our desires are all based on our pasts, either in the current life or the past ones. Noting that the current life experiences and tribulations would follow along into the next one. Genetics had the smallest roll in the makeup of who we truly are.

I stood behind her and slid my hands down her arms to her wrists, she flinched and pulled her arm away. Somewhat affronted, I looked down in the pale light, and saw four defined bruises along her right wrist. His fingerprints were etched into her skin.

"Did do he do that to you?" I asked, trying to keep my tone level.

She nodded and looked back to the window. "They don't hurt much. He got a hold of me before you came in."

"I'm so sorry, love. He won't touch you again, I promise."

She grinned sadly at our reflection in the window.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"Is my mental silence the only reason you.. um..never mind." She blushed and turned away.

"Bella, are you trying to frustrate me on purpose?"

She rolled her eyes and her mouth compressed to the side. A heavy rain started batting the window fat drops cascading down the glass. Bella jumped at the noise.

"No." She grinned,trying to wiggle out from my arms. "I said _never mind_. Which means never _you_ mind."

I held her tighter, determined no to let her go until she asked whatever it is she had wanted to. I kissed the shell of her ear, and down the concave of her neck to her shoulder. Fallen strands of her silken hair that randomly adorned her skin, fluttered around under my breath.

"Ask me." I urged, plaiting kisses along the top of her spine, and under her loose collar.

Her breathing faltered. I couldn't hide my smirk, as I continued my affections over the top of her shoulders, pushing the green satin aside.

"If you keep that up, I won't be able to..." her neck angled, as I licked and sucked my way over the top of the other shoulder and back up to the opposite ear.

I caught a glimpse of her reflection in the rain sheeted window, her eyes were heavy and she was bitting her lip. Her right arm curved around my neck and her fingers tenderly stroked my hair.

"Won't be able to what?" I enticed, taking my mouth away and only breathing against her neck. I watched as her lips moved in the reflection.

"Remember my name," she breathed her response.

"It's Isabella," I attested, seductively.

I turned her around to me and her eager lips attacked mine, willing, wanting. There was intensity, a fire, I had yet to feel from her. Our lips crashed together, tugging and twisting. Her tongue invaded my mouth, her hands pulled me flush against her.

She suddenly stopped. "Is that the only reason you..feel anything for me?" she asked, nervously.

"What are you talking about?"

"The fact that you can't hear me, or my thoughts, I mean. Is that it the only reason?"

I was unable to contain my chuckle, and her face immediately soured.

"Is that what you think? That I'm completely obsessed with you because I can't _hear_ you?"

"My silence must be a nice break," she reasoned.

_Silly, insane, woman. _

"Do you know how many times, I've wished I could hear what goes on inside your mind?"

She shook her head. The lines of her thoughts became clear, she believed once the excitement of her unaired thoughts got tiring that I would no longer want her.

"You're not a novelty to me, Bella. Even if I heard every thought you ever had, or never heard anything other than the words that pass over these lips," I brushed her pouted lips with my index finger, "It wouldn't change how irreparably in love with you I am."

She looked to the ground, and I saw a single tear slide down her flushed cheek.

"Why are you crying?" Maybe the day and all of its revelations were starting to catch up with her?

"You just told me you loved me, I'm having a moment," she explained through a smile, gazing upwards.

"Share it with me," I pleaded. She placed her hand on my cheek and I interlaced my fingers with hers.

"I love you too," she returned, disbelief in her eyes.

"You don't have to say it back, it's only important that you know how I feel about you." I hugged her to me.

"Edward," She pulled back from me, looking me square in the eye.

"Hmmm...?"

"Shut up," she scolded lovingly. "I know how I feel, don't take that away from me."

I grinned at her, pushing a wayward curl behind her ear. "I wouldn't dream of it."

She gripped me by the neck and kissed me lasciviously. "Good thing," she gasped, raised an eyebrow, and then continued kissing me.

She carried the fire within her soul upon her lips and branded me with every kiss. My hands were in her hair, pulling it out of the tie and it fell out and around her shoulders and around her face. I scrunched it in my hands, fastening my fingers in the dark tendrils, as I returned her passion. Her tongue raced over my bottom lip and gently tugged it with her teeth, working her way around my mouth and down my jaw.

"It doesn't make any sense does it?" she panted, in between kisses.

"What doesn't?"

She stopped to look at me. "For us to already love each other. I mean we've only known each other a short time."

"Maybe we've met before?" I knew I was treading uncertain ground, but the familiarity in her eyes was boring into me.

"Maybe." The look that she gave me was so astute, filled with belief and love. Her brown eyes teemed with uncertain remembrance. Even if she was talking in an abstract sense, her words and her look meant everything.

Our mouths picked up an even more frenzied pace, our tongues pulsing and pushing against one another heatedly. Her hand roamed over the contours of my back, the other braced in my hair, pulling me closer. Her lust was permeating me, and melding with my own, clouding my brain. I longed to keep this at whatever level she was conformable with, but her touch was pushing my body past a point of no return.

My erection brushed her stomach and she gasped. "Sorry," I mumbled, pulling away.

She smiled wickedly, then clutched me against her once again. "You don't ever have to apologize to me for something as amazing as that," she whispered, manipulating and brandishing my own words against me.

"It's nice to know that I have that much of an effect on you," she aired, her kisses traveled to my bare chest.

"You have no idea Bella," I rasped, while her mouth traveled north again.

She looked down and smirked, "Oh, I think I do." She blew her hot breath into my ear and bit the lobe.

_God, I missed this woman. _

I wanted to possess her, the way she had possessed me entirely, mind body and soul. Her presence in the world eternally damning me and redeeming me. The juxtaposition of the pictures of what was right and wrong skewed, as Alice's vision caught up with me. I had to be wary of the past, but not let it control our future.

I carefully crushed her to me, the soul of an angel held in the confines of an incandescent earthbound beauty. I buried my hand in the curls at the base of her neck and held her mouth to mine. I made short work of her robe, pulling the free end of the knot, she shrugged out of it and her hands were back roaming freely over my body. The green nightgown that remained was no more than cellophane draped over her skin in very limited places. Lines and circles of lighting zipped over my skin, every place she touched spontaneously erupting in relentless fire.

I ran my hand up her thigh, floating under the satin of her nightgown, and over the silk of her skin. My fingers brushed over her ribs, as slow as I could possibly manage. A small whimper reverberated off my neck from her lip as I palmed her breast and circled her nipple with my thumb, the soft nub coming to life under my touch.

The sucking and kissing on my neck grew more intense. Her heated hand trailed down my stomach and past the band of my pants, her hot steady hand began stroking me, in slowly measured passes. My blood pulsed under the heat of her fingers.

I grew immeasurably harder under the ministration of her talented hand, knowing that if I didn't stop her soon, tonight was going to be over before it started. I hissed when her thumb glided over the top of me, dragging her fire and a drop my moisture with her.

"Fuck," I moaned. She grinned into my neck, thoroughly pleased with herself.

In an unbelievable blur, the rest of our clothes immediately ended up on the floor.

I backed her into the bed, and she fell onto it and pulled me down with her. I was within a minute of taking her, but I didn't want to waste this unconquerable moment. I wished to ravish her body with my mouth, desiring to adore every sweet line and unparalleled plane of her skin as I could before I made her mine again.

My mouth was everywhere, roaming over her chest, taking in one pink pert nipple sucking it entirely in, watching her eyes glaze over in a haze of satisfaction, repeating my slow motions over the other. Her heart strummed wildly, while I kissed over the top of it in the pattern of a romanticized heart. I grazed down every rib, her flesh glistened and swelled with her increasing breaths.

Kissing around her soft stomach, I noticed the new birthmark, a cafe-au-lait spot that sat just above her left hip. A small scar line just above her pubic bone, had faded to silver long ago. I laved over her hip bones and ever so gently along the crease of her upper thigh.

She inhaled sharply, when my mouth advanced down her inner thigh and I dipped my tongue into her. A clipped moan came from above me as I spread her legs, and delved in again. I reveled in the sweetest most blinding taste in existence. The taste of her undiluted desire for me. I lavished her with my tongue, winding my way over, in and around her. Her hips bucked and her unrestrained hand wove into my hair, gripping me tightly and spurring me on. My speed increased as her legs that rested on my shoulders, quivered. I lost myself in the sound of her loudening whimpers and the slick motions of my lips and tongue.

She tried desperately to muffle her cries when she came, but I definitely heard something along the lines of "Edward" "fuck" and "god" run together through a chanted scream. I devoured every last drop of what I had done to her, thoroughly blinded and sated by her release.

She was still panting when she pulled me back to her, frantic kisses assaulted me.

Her beautiful body accentuated by the shimmer of light from the table lamp. Her eyes gleamed, the semi sated lust and possession overtaking every other emotion. They locked with mine, dancing pleading with need as I hovered over her.

I had imagined this countless times, the prayer that I would recited to her, but I had never dreamed she would actually hear it.

"And unbeknownst to him, the beauty who shared his heart, was an angel, and when he whispered shadows of his soul into her ear, the truths had fallen onto the ears of god." I spoke rashly against her neck. I inhaled her scent, the lotus bloomed along with her refueling desire.

"I love you," I whispered. "You are the most insanely gorgeous woman I have ever or will ever meet and there will, forever, only be you."

She placed a kiss over my heart. "Only you, Edward," she whispered back.

"When she kissed him, the lips of god had sanctified, absolving him of all his transgressions," I continued.

She kissed me, breathless. Erasing my sins. Making me new.

"And when he took her as his lover, the weight of their coupling consumed his heart, she took him back to heaven to begin again," I concluded.

I positioned myself between her legs, nudging her gently, before I found my words.

"Take me back to heaven, Bella," I breathed, looking into her enamored eyes, glowing brightly with unadulterated trust as I entered her.

I was engulfed by sensation and secluded from everything other than her in the same breath. The fabric of time had stilled around us, as though only moments had passed from the last time.

Her heartbeat was keeping pace with the driving rain, our fluid movements, and the erratic pulse of the universe.

There was only my flesh driving into hers, stretching and filling and refilling her tight heat. Her legs opened wider, guiding me deeper inside, our bodies coming infinitely closer. Our souls communicating on a level our human ears could not hear.

Her eyes widened and then closed tightly, her lip held firmly between her teeth, unsuccessfully trying to suppress a high pitched moan.

"Bella I need to hear...I need to see..." was all I could summon. I was willfully drowning in her.

Her eyes opened slightly, finding mine again, "So fucking good, Edward, please...please don't stop." she begged, through panting breaths.

My eyes broke the connection, hearing her pleading voice brought me to the brink, and I wasn't ready for this to be over.

I only thought about what I was doing, consumed by the motions of my body, but it didn't help for long. I needed see her fall apart underneath me, and I needed to feel her.

I brought my thumb to her clit, sweeping the sensitive bundle of nerves while I continued to thrust into her. Her body began to tense, her moans turned to whimpers as she started to climax, her mouth opened and her eyes closed again, hiding her away.

"Bella... please," I ground out.

Forcibly, her eyes reopened, unfocused, replete with undeniable euphoria and devotion. Her porcelain legs quaked while she shattered around me and my name flowed from her mouth like a never ending, though considerably loud, prayer.

I caught her boisterous mouth with mine, muting her screams and with a final thrust, and strangled groan, I poured myself into her. I collapsed, whispering her name against her skin, listening to her heart thrum and her breaths slow, unable to break apart our bodies.

I was basking in her. In us. We stared at each other for what seemed like hours, but was assuredly only minutes, taking each other in and whispering breathless affections.

We eventually separated from one another, but neither one of us could break physical contact. I held her indefinitely, curling myself around her, holding to her as tightly as possible.

"Please don't let me go," Bella whispered before I felt her breathing slow and all of her muscles relax.

I had stolen her back from the stars, back from time, and I was determined to keep her. My road to redemption had been paved; I only had to walk it. I fell into a dreamless sleep, with the light from heaven's door peeking through the cracks of my future, and the celestial guardian of that door in my arms.

**A/N: Okay, so lemons are not my strong point as in, I can't write them so yeah.. I hope I did them _some_ justice with my limited skills lol. *blushes and runs away* **

**So sorry this took me so long! The relatives and holidays kicked my ass, everything should stay on schedule now though! As always a big thanks to the awesome twopeas1pod for giving up time with her "peas" to look this mess over for me! **

***Waves hi* and says THANK YOU to all the people who are still reading this and reviewing it means ALOT and keeps me writing:) **

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